"Dirty Names": Can anyone give me advice?

**CandyCloud** · 02-12-2011 12:23 PM

Hi all,

I've been dating this guy on the internet (I know, not exactly Romeo & Juliet!), but I really, really like him. I'm 23 and he's 47. We've been dating for about six weeks and not even blatantly recognizing the sexual tension until about two weeks ago when we started being "naughty" together. The problem I'm having is this: during those times when I'm sexed up, I don't mind being called names like "Tramp" or "" and in his defense, I'm the one who suggested he call me those names. But when I'm in a non-sexual mood and I think about our naughty times together and can't help but feel insulted that he would call me those things. I view those names in two completely different ways depending on my emotions at the time. Maybe I'm an emotional-masochist, I'm not sure. But my question is this: Is he disrespecting me, though I initated it? And if so, what's the next step I take? I would appreciate any advice. Thank you!

**viola** · 02-12-2011 12:32 PM

Ewwww, why are you so young talking to a 47 year old man? That's pretty sick. Your playing with fire. Get off the internet and go meet some guys your own age.

**CandyCloud** · 02-12-2011 12:39 PM

Originally Posted by viola

Ewwww, why are you so young talking to a 47 year old man? That's pretty sick. Your playing with fire. Get off the internet and go meet some guys your own age.

Wow, words from such an open-mind!

**jns** · 02-12-2011 12:58 PM

I have never got into name calling as part of a relationship and I wouldn't want someone else to call me names that could be derogatory. It sounds like you both will have to discuss when it would be appropriate to use the name calling.

Do you have physical dates or just on the internet?

Your age difference will seem less noticeable with time. However, in physical dating, some people may mistake you for father and daughter. If you can both fit into the others life well, it does not matter. I hope he is skilled at making you happy.

**WildChild** · 02-12-2011 02:56 PM

I second jns's question, "Do you have physical dates or just on the internet?"
If its's just on the internet, Sweetie, be very careful. Very, very careful. You aren't 'dating'. You are chatting,online. You may be having cybersex but you don't even know who this man really is. For all you know he is married, has 5 kids, 2 dogs and is just looking for a little titilation on the side. Or he is 62 and living in a halfway house. Or he could be 15 and looking for jack off material. Or he may be 47 and you may find yourself one day with a really POd woman out for blood because you are messing with her man. You just don't know.

Even if you meet up in person, unless you meet through freinds or some other means where his background is known, you don't know. I went through this at one time dating, three in a row, all married. That was in person. I was just completely exasperated.

That said, it sounds like you thought you would like this but don't really. There is nothing wrong with trying something and deciding it isn't your thing. Just tell him you aren't really comfortable with it after all.

**BabyGirl** · 02-12-2011 07:06 PM

I agree with all of the above that JNS & Wild said.

Mature, respectful, well adjusted " Normal " men of the age of 47, do not try to have relationships, online, in real life with a " Daughter " figure or type. They would be looking for Mature, well adjusted respectful women in their general age group.

Have you asked him why he can't get or find a woman in her 40's ? Why does he want a relationship, especially a Cyber Sex one with someone he could be the father of ( age wise).
Calling you Tramp in cyber sex is not so bad, but just calling you Tramp in everyday language is something that would bother me as it did you.

Role Playing and some " dirty" names can be arousing, but just Imagine that you were together for real and after lovemaking , he said " Hey Tramp or or Bytch, ... Is dinner ready , get me a beer, etc "

No matter what your age, you as a woman deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve to be called Baby, Sweetie, Sugar, Lover or some endearing nickname. Even during sex or role playing, endearing words ( to me) are more arousing than Crude names.
But that just may be me .. There are not many crude names I would know of to call a man that would turn me on and turn him on during Sex ( Internet or other wise).

Just an Example..
Even though I knew my last lover, when we texted at first, it was Hun/ honey, Babe/ sweetheart Etc. When we got " frisky" it was more words of What we were going to do. Fantasy playing had several words like the f and oral and nipping or hard shoving, but it was in the actions.. that the words umm could not be said in general public . Lol

Never once did he ever say anything like Tramp, Ho, .. though there was a Sexy Biatch a few times. after awhile, we actually came up with Special names for each other. I became his " Baby Girl " and he was my "Huggy Bear".. Then it was HB & BG. with the Normal Hey " Lover or Miss ya Sexy".

So, please learn that yes you can talk " Dirty" when having sex and having Fantasy playing around. But during normal Convo's I hope you find someone who will call you Positive and Loving or Endearing names.

Age wise, Honey .. I'd start looking for nice young gentlemen in your own age range, that you can meet in person and go to their home, have them come yo yours, introduce to your families (even as friends).

**Seeker_Advice** · 02-13-2011 06:26 AM

In an attempt to answer your question at face value....If you thought you might enjoy the nasty names game with him, tried it, and found that you don't, then simply express that to him and it should end, then and there. If it doesn't end, per your request, then that's something else.

**Hopeless Dork** · 02-13-2011 07:54 AM

If you inniciated him to call you these things then, NO, he is not disrespecting you by calling you them... he's simply trying to please you since you asked him to do it. Like someone else mentioned if it turns out you don't like it as much as you thought you would... just tell him, I'm sure he'd be willing to stop calling you them if you don't like them, just as easy as he was able to start calling you them when he thought you did.

Sexual relationships take trust, trust that a person will never exceed your bounderies without permission, trust that a person will let you know if something being done to/with them... makes them uncomfortable. It takes communication. If you ask him to call you a tramp, and make it clear its what you want... then he does exactly as you ask -- its completely unfair of you to start resenting him for simply doing something you've asked of him. If you have decided you don't like it... just tell him, I'm sure he is just doing it to please you anyway... since you are the one that inniciated that type of talk -- it could be its not even something that appeals to him.