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Thread: My boyfriend has lost interest

  1. 02-17-2011 09:52 PM #1
    starshi
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    Red face My boyfriend has lost interest

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    k, so My boyfriend and I have been living together for over a year now.
    I feel he has lost interest in me because we have sex once a week maybe and that's not every week either. whenever we have sex it's great but he never ever has foreplay with me.

    When I say I am horny he gets turned off and asks me why I talk like that. This has been on my mind for a long time. Please help me realize what's going on.
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  2. 02-18-2011 08:12 AM #2
    stressed
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    Maybe talking like that is indeed a turn off to him or it makes him feel like an object to use when you want sex. Maybe sex means a lot more to him/he may be more romantic. Have you tried to change language like "I want to make love to you"/"I want you" instead of "I am horny"? If sex is great every time then he must be enjoying it, and once a week is, unfortunately, common after a year of living together, however, maybe you have to change your approach to something more sweet and loving. Most of all, do have a talk to him about it in a caring and gentle way.
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  3. 02-18-2011 09:49 AM #3
    WildChild
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    I think we need more information to respond with anything useful.
    How old are the two of you?
    In the past, when you had a sex life, were the two of you fairly open and playful or was your sex pretty routine or restricted to certain conditions or posistions?
    Has he always been limited in foreplay?
    Is he sexually shy or inexperienced?
    Does he watch porn? How much?
    Is he at all affectionate?
    What are his energy levels like? Is he active or kind of sluggish?
    Drinking" Drugs? Gaming? Or any other addictive/substance/materials abuse behaviors?
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  4. 02-21-2011 02:12 PM #4
    starshi
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    Unhappy

    Quote Originally Posted by WildChild View Post
    I think we need more information to respond with anything useful.
    How old are the two of you?
    In the past, when you had a sex life, were the two of you fairly open and playful or was your sex pretty routine or restricted to certain conditions or posistions?
    Has he always been limited in foreplay?
    Is he sexually shy or inexperienced?
    Does he watch porn? How much?
    Is he at all affectionate?
    What are his energy levels like? Is he active or kind of sluggish?
    Drinking" Drugs? Gaming? Or any other addictive/substance/materials abuse behaviors?
    I am 22 and he's 21 right in the beginning we had great sex, it was spontaneous and he initiated it. But for some time now he doesn't initiate and doesn't really want to do it. He's not shy or inexperienced. Doesn't watch porn. He is VERY affectionate. I knw he loves me, but I am just worried he's not attracted to me. To have a health relationship you need the physical side as well.
    Energy levels vary... kinda sluggish in the nights and mornings...

    We were at a party Saturday night and he complimented on how I looked only when other guys at the party were looking at me. We use to have great sex after partying in the weekend, but now he doesn't even care.

    All I am afraid is that he might be loosing interest in me or that he isn't attracted to me.
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  5. 02-21-2011 02:15 PM #5
    starshi
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    I think you have a very good point, he is more towards caring and affectionate type than spontaneous/wild. The thing is I am spontaneous and when he rejects me when I initiate sex it hurts me and lowers my self esteem.

    I will try talking to him and be more loving and romantic than wild. It might just work.
    Thanks
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  6. 02-21-2011 02:39 PM #6
    oxy-moron
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    You have to ignore the first six months of behaviour- they are powered by a hormone cocktail that boosts sexual interest.
    After that honey moon period what you see is what you get. Will changing your style keep you happy in the long term- You will often find the comment on this site( Might be from WildChild) that the person least interested in sex controls the relationship. It is very true.
    Think carefully before you marry him. If you do stay with him you will either learn to manipulate things or die of frustration.
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  7. 02-21-2011 03:44 PM #7
    jns
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    Quote Originally Posted by oxy-moron View Post
    You will often find the comment on this site( Might be from WildChild) that the person least interested in sex controls the relationship.
    Quote Originally Posted by rcoreyus View Post
    The problem is that the partner with the lower interest in sex controls a couple's sex life.
    Quite possibly there are earlier uses. I stated almost the same thing without ever reading the quote by rc. Maybe someone else will know.
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  8. 02-22-2011 02:42 PM #8
    Jezzy143
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    [QUOTE=oxy-moron;253750]that the person least interested in sex controls the relationship.[QUOTE]


    Never thought about this....but its almost painfully true. I think my jaw dropped 5 feet.

    Being in a similar situation as starshi....THIS...is insight...and I'll be honest to say I have NO idea how to fix it.

    Starshi, you are not alone...
    Last edited by Jezzy143; 02-22-2011 at 02:45 PM.
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