How to get over Emotional Abuse

**Brokenwings** · 02-20-2011 12:08 PM

Hello All,

UPDATE:

OK from the last post i would like to update you all in a short summary.

1. We got back together as he ran back to me and said he will change. Things did get better we didnt go days without talking.
2. We met up and it was really nice to see him again and the spark was still there.
3. We argued and then never spoke for for days as he never replied to my last text. I made contact and he said he has had enough and doesnt want to be with me.
4. I tried to talk things through and asked what has happened but he said i dont appreciate him and always argue with him (which is not true)
5. I agreed to the break up as he wasnt communicating with me properly. He then swore at me once i said ok lets breakup. He called me a ..............
6. I asked what has got into him and he said that i have and started to accuse me of all sorts.
7. Next day i tried to make contact and ask what is wrong with him, but again he wouldnt give straight answers and it just drained me out.
8. So after a few more texts, i mentioned his sister in the text (nothing nasty) and he threatened to batter me.
9. From then onwards i told him hes an abuser and has emotionally abused me and now hes heading towards violence. He then had the never to text me again sayin that its me not appreciating him and thats why its over.
10. He texts me couple days later asking how i am.

Now to summarise, he is one of the most difficultest men i have ever known. After an argument he rather have a few days with no communication rather to speak it out.
When he is good he is the most amazingest guy ever, so sweet caring and loving. He is so sweet and caring towards his family and his friends. For four months now hes been verbally abusing me calling me all sorts and then when i finally decide to go he runs back.

Now this time he has ended it, but still had the nerve to text me the other day. I dont know what games he is playing but why is he doing this????????????

I am trying to get over him, im full of anger and hurt and becoming very bitter.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-20-2011 02:07 PM

Sounds more like he has anger issues and you push buttons maybe without realising such as talk about his sister, or be an authority, which he relatiates at..

Emotional abuse is telling you your not good enough, no one else will ever want you, you're doing this wrong, that wrong, you're no good at what you do, etc, etc, bringing you down more and more so you forget who you are in strength and become totally submissive and weak...

Also, maybe he doesn't like to loose, so he calls...

I think he's childish and you are not well matched, just leave the text messages, don't reply and walk away from this, it's toxic.

CW

**Martha80** · 02-20-2011 02:52 PM

That is really strange, but I have nearly the same situation.
I just didn't wan't to be in a relationship with my guy anymore, and he went mad about it. Sedning horrible messages everywhere he could.. I tried to ignore it, because I was thinking, that he will stop to do that, if there will be no response from me.
3 months and I'm still bit afraid when I'm opening my mail.
One of our friends told me, that he has a new girl now.

**Brokenwings** · 02-20-2011 04:22 PM

He has controlled me a lot. He has said I won't ever find better, he says I'm always the one to blame for arguments. Nothing is ever his fault. He's always right and I m wrong. He ignores me for days. I'm not allowed to see my friends outside certain hours as he shouts at me then withholds communication. I think it is emotional abuse. Now he's threatening to hit me.

It's got bad I feel I really should seek professional help.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-20-2011 05:08 PM

Originally Posted by Brokenwings

He has controlled me a lot. He has said I won't ever find better, he says I'm always the one to blame for arguments. Nothing is ever his fault. He's always right and I m wrong. He ignores me for days. I'm not allowed to see my friends outside certain hours as he shouts at me then withholds communication. I think it is emotional abuse. Now he's threatening to hit me.

It's got bad I feel I really should seek professional help.

Well then that is "emotional abuse" as I outlined. It's also control, with the I am never wrong, and ignorance and not allowing you to see your friends.

And, yes it is damaging to your self esteme, this is what makes people stay or go back, they think they are worthless, no one will ever want you...

If you can seek outside help on understanding all of this, and realising it's him, not you and you are okay, you will find much better, actually and you've broken the mould, he can't do this to you anymore, then please do so...

Only when we are strong, can we walk and not look back...

CW

**stressed** · 02-21-2011 01:56 AM

If it's of any help, several physical abusers start as emotional abusers, then move on to threats, then become physical.

Maybe he wants to be the one breaking up with you, and not the other way around (childish, but it's easier to be the one leaving than the one being left).

If you want to be happy and feel you are yourself again, you have to let this man be once and for all. He can only give you some attention whenever he feels he should, just enough to keep you interested in him. He tells you you won't find anyone better because he wants you to make him your centre of the world. He tells you things that will make "him" feel better. That's not love.

The sooner you end this the better for you, it doesn't work.

**Brokenwings** · 02-21-2011 01:56 AM

He is the typical man to say 'its the final straw' 'enough is enough' 'we cant repair this' ..when infact nothing major has happened. He says hes had enough and when i ask what has happened and that we should talk things through he says he is busy playing his computer and doesnt want to talk.

It got to points i even accepted him swearing at me it didnt bother me at all.

**Brokenwings** · 02-21-2011 01:58 AM

the relationship is over.I told him a few home truths a few days ago and i don't think anyone likes to be called an 'abuser.'

**stressed** · 02-21-2011 02:01 AM

It was supposed to be over the other time too, but you got back together. He's manipulative so I wouldn't be so sure about him not trying to get back with you again. You have to ignore him whatever he tells you, such men don't give up easily and it can take at least a month before it's certain.

**Brokenwings** · 02-21-2011 02:10 AM

why a month?
yeah it was meant to be over last time but he said to me he will change. From what i can tell i do think it is officially over this time round, but do not understand why he text me the other day randomly.

i personally feel hes had enough and wont be back. --- Its a joke hes had enough, the hes put me through is much worse. Hes had enough of not been able to communicate and sort problems out. I have a lot of hate and anger built up.