What does that mean?

**bsandra41** · 02-28-2011 05:55 PM

My bf doesn't hold my hand walking on the street, I have to ask him to do it. My bf doesn't look out for me just walk by himself while walking in the subway where are usually crowded.
Those are some little things but I care so much... Do that mean he doesn't love me anymore?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-28-2011 06:09 PM

Did he ever hold your hand in public?

It's not un-common for a man to "believe" it's not "cool" to hold a girls hand in public, however, if you're suggesting in addition he walks in-front of you, and you walk behind him, as if you're not together, again did he walk next to you at the beginning? Because to me, that's rude and it is making a statement, I am not with that person.

How long have you two been together, if you don't mind and how old are you both?

CW

**bsandra41** · 02-28-2011 06:39 PM

Hi CW.
Thanks for the reply. I've actaully post a few here and had your comments before. thx so much.
I'm the one with my bf for 8 years and he finally to country where I'm from but we don't live in the same city. He's in school and I have work plus 2 hrs away so we can't meet often. He has held my hand in public. that happened the past 2 days, we went out and we need to take subway, he always walk in front of me, and even taking escalator, he didn't let me go first. There are a lot ppl, sometimes i'd be push far away from him. That really made me feel as if we are not together. When every girls past me with their bfs holding in arms and keeping them safe from the passagners... I cried.
and we both are 30.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-28-2011 07:06 PM

Hi Sandra

Yes, actually you have... So he still lives 2hrs away from you and you with your family...

I just re-viewed your posts, honey how often now since October, do you see him per month?

After 8 years, shouldn't you both be living together now?

It sounds that even though you talk alot everynight on webcam, you're not as connected as you should be...

What do you two talk about?

CW

**jns** · 02-28-2011 07:20 PM

sandra, is your bf of the same ethnicity as you? I wonder if he has became more like locals in Taiwan as he has became used to the culture. Was there an age difference with the guys holding holding their gfs? Sometimes the late teens/early twenties are the only couples holding each other. My wife (Thai) has almost always wanted to trail behind me. If I slow down, she slows down. Public displays of affection in Thailand are mostly discouraged with teenagers sometimes breaking the rules.

**bsandra41** · 02-28-2011 08:55 PM

To CW:
Yes, he's still lives in the dorm and we don't meet often, sometimes twice in a month, sometimes once in 2 months. The school projects are insent, and he always has group meeting, and i don't have saturday off most of the time. And that makes it harder. I tried to make my time last week for his birthday and visited him for 2 days. And he's been acting like that. I pretty much feel hurt.

I even tried to take the job in where he lives, therefore i suggested to move in together after that. But what he's been talking about is his school, his projects, blah blah blah... He mentioned he needs a job but he couldn't find any in the city he lives now, so he might move to somewhere else for the job. But my concern is why he didn't think if i take the job now, but he's gonna move to somewhere else, then we'll be like this situation AGAIN... THEN WHAT'S DIFFERENT?

To: jns
My bf is from States, and that's why I'm here, thought ppl here could give me some comments since we are not from the same places. and ppl might act differetly by growing up in different culture. So not holding hands are normal for guys like 30 years old? That's not a sign or something?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-28-2011 10:29 PM

Sandra, relationships long distance or close are about honesty, togetherness..compromise.

He is 30, still studying, 8 years later, no where further in life than he was at 22 years of age.

He and you really see each other 6 times a year for a little while, although it seems you lived together yes, for a while ...He's putting himself first in any event in everything.

It seems to me that you talked about moving in and he talked about moving away further..

How long has he been studying and when does that finish?

How honestly is your relationship..

What do you talk about over webcam.

I know I keep asking questions

But, we can't "guess" he could be totally stressed without a job at 30 years of age and studying, hard for a future including you in it, or he could be honestly, just going with the flow, he could also have someone else, after 8 years, you know no one on his campus, or from the sounds of it been there.

It's hard to "speculate"...

So that is why I am asking you to tell us more about you as a couple, conversations, daily web cam, his type of personality

CW

**bsandra41** · 03-01-2011 12:15 AM

To CW:
He has worked and prepared for his test for the past few years. He moved in last year and he wants to finish his master by end of this year. He has CPA degree so i guess it wouldn't be too hard for him to get a job somewhere else. But it's hard to find here when he doesn't speak chinese.
How honestly is our relationship? I think he's been honest with me most of time, and he is a person who works hard to achieve the goal. So obviously to graduate is the most important to him at this moment. We don't use the webcam, since he started school last year, we barely talks about stuff, all he talks about is the school. When I brought up the topic about future, he feels stress out. He makes me feel like myself is that kind of girl who forcing to get marry.
I don't think he has someone else, he is not a guy who into clubing or party every night. He's been online most of the time doing his papers. Sometimes go out for a drink with the classmates.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-01-2011 12:28 AM

I think you need to talk, not marriage but about your support for him, all this time, and understanding..

And, you really do support him and understand his future.

But, you are part of that future, (forget marriage) rather, your lives as they are together, 8 years is a long time, you're not young (yet you are

) and that the times you do see him, you wait for, so you believe that respect is a great thing...You made an effort for his birthday, please hold my hand and smile, laugh and walk with me ....

See what he says back.

CW