GF not wanting to have sex

**I_Am_A_Man** · 03-05-2011 11:08 AM

Sorry for the long post but I really need advice, ladies.

I have been with this girl for about 1 month now and we have been having sex pretty much every single night for the past month. We have amazing sex and pretty much go for 1-2 hrs each time and it is the kind of sex that wears you out and makes you pass out immediately after. I am really into this girl as she is drop dead gorgeous and has a great personality and is very intelligent.

I am very confident but I am not over-assertive when trying to start up the sex session. Usually some kissing and playful teasing at first, then we both kinda strip our clothes off and go at it. Often times she initiates which is great too.

However, it is now Saturday and we have not had sex since Monday night. I know she is not on her period so it's not that. When we do have sex, I can give her multiple orgasms (vaginally and clitoral) and she ALWAYS says I am amazing in bed and it's the best sex she's ever had, so I know it's not that she doesn't enjoy sex with me. I try and throw in variety in bed too and sometimes we have sex in places other than my bed (also for variety). In short, our sex life has been otherwise great and healthy. I see no reason for her to want to stop having sex so frequently.

Here's a rundown of our week so you ladies can have all the information needed to help me out. On Monday we had sex that night, on Tues. we didn't see each other. Wednesday though, she started a new physical training program with a personal trainer and I saw her afterwards that night. She was exhausted and very sore from her workout and she truly did look beaten down. So she slept in my bed but no sex, which is fine because she truly was tired and sometimes you just aren't up to it.

Thursday night, she worked late so I ate dinner without her and instead brought her a nice plate of Osso Bucco I had made along with some white and red wine AND dessert. She enjoyed it and said thanks, we drank wine and went to bed and I just wasn't feeling that she wanted to have sex because I was kissing her and she was responding but not in a way that would suggest she wanted to escalate things. So I left it alone.

Friday (last night) night we went to her sister's place and had drinks with her sister and her boyfriend. We both got pretty tipsy and she definitely seemed tired againn but not super tired. We go back to her place around 12:30 AM and we lay on the couch. A few kisses and we go into the bedroom. Here's where things get a little odd/crazy/uncomfortable/etc. I start kissing her and she's pulling away with a smirk on her face. We both do this to each other frequently as a sort of playful teasing that we do but it's all done as a joke and this was no different. So I started getting more assertive grabbing the back of her head and really kissing her with some dominance, which she normally likes. I'm on top, and she does not object to my kissing her neck and such, and I start to put my hands down her pants and she just says "stop!" Now I was being a little forceful but we were drunk and energy was high and maybe I was a little too assertive and wasn't reading her properly but I did stop immediately and look at her with confusion as she looked very distraught. She got up and got some water and came back to bed and I apologized and kissed her on the forehead and went to sleep. I feel like a rapist or something even though I would NEVER force sex on her or anyone else. It's a shitty feeling and the look on her face when she told me "stop" was what really puzzled me. I felt awful all morning and lost alot of sleep over it and it's eating me up inside.

This morning when we were both awake, I looked at her and gave her a sincere, sober apology and said "I'm sorry if I crossed the line last night. I thought we were teasing each other playfully and I didn't think you felt uncomfortable."

She said "it's no problem, I'm sorry too" and we had a normal morning conversation and she didn't seem to let it bother her or dwell on it like I am. So as far as I can tell, she is ok and past it, but the big question still remains - why is she suddenly withholding sex when before she couldn't get enough?

I am truly puzzled and a little worried, perhaps a little overly paranoid. Perhaps she's been tired the last three nights? That doesn't seem very typical but I am really confused here. Should I stop my sexual advances altogether until she initiates sex? Last night's episode really has me questioning if I should ever try and make the first move again.

I certainly don't want to make her feel like she is pressured into having sex with me because that's not healthy. I want pure, organic sex to occur out of desire and passion, not guilt or some other negatively born emotion.

Ladies, how do I proceed and what are your thoughts for why she is not wanting sex anymore lately. Also, feel free to tell me if you think I'm just being paranoid.

Thanks.

**WildChild** · 03-05-2011 11:20 AM

New relationships are often hot and heavy at first and then life starts to catch you up. How often do you not just sleep in the same bed but really cuddle? What do you do together or share other than sex and drinking/socialising? Its been one month so this is really new still. Do you ever workout together, spend time in the kitchen together, attended events, a class, an exhibit? What are you creating to build a lasting relationship on other than great sex?

If this continues, you need to talk.

**ItsASecret** · 03-05-2011 11:24 AM

One week is really not much of a concern. People do get tired, people are genuinely not interested in sex sometimes due to other circumstances like a bad bad etc. Is she in school? I can fully say that when I have been gone to class all day, writing 10 page papers, studying for hours on end, having stress from upcoming midterms that I am mentally exhausted and want nothing to do but forget about everything and just be a blob when I have the time. Mentally you can be so drained that no kiss can make you snap out of that stressed mode.

As for everything else, drinking does not equate sex. Sure it helps but even sometimes after drinking you may not feel like having sex. I've been that way. I can be hammered and not feel sexual. I commend you for stopping when she said stop though as well as saying your sorry. There would have been plenty of guys who would have ignored the "no" and just kept pushing thinking that the word "no" meant 'aggressive kink night'. You did not do that. I would give her sometime. If she was really sexual before then chances are she just needed some downtime. A rest is sometimes needed, no one is a machine.

**I_Am_A_Man** · 03-05-2011 12:09 PM

wild child, I appreciate the input. We do things together other than sex and drinking, but with our schedules the way they are, we are usually hanging out at night, and so we usually get dinner and drinks. We've gone bowling and I am a huge Gun fanatic so I have taken her shooting and taught her how to use a gun safely and properly. She really enjoyed that. She is a great cook and has made me food a few times. I took her to a NBA game once too. In a month's time, we have done a fair amount of various activities so I'm not worried about building a realtionship. I think I am reading too much into this whole thing. My last gf rarely wanted sex and sometimes we'd go 2 weeks without it so I guess I'm worried about that happening again.

Itsasecret, thanks for the input as well. I agree that maybe she has been really tired with the new workout program she's doing an her having to work til 9 pm some days.

All other advice is still welcome. I love being able to talk to other women about this stuff!

**Seeker_Advice** · 03-05-2011 12:44 PM

Whoa Tiger!

Take it easy.... Don't over analyze this thing too much. If I were you, I'd wait for her to initiate intimacy and be willing to wait as long as necessary.

Hot and heavy at first...awesome! Kept it going hot and heavy for a month straight...Great! Now, for whatever reason (and don't try to figure it out), she has decided to slow it down...so go with it and see what happens.

As with any solid relationship, good, open and honest communication is the key to your success.

IMO - You are reading too much into this whole thing...just like you stated above.

**I_Am_A_Man** · 03-05-2011 12:50 PM

after talking to her today, I feel like she thought I got a little too rough/forceful. It is a guilty feeling that is really eating me up inside. I have apologized and explained that it was simple mis-communication and being drunk didn't help. I feel awful that I put her through that though.

**oxy-moron** · 03-05-2011 02:31 PM

Hi- Google or Wikipedia the Coolidge Effect. This effects all mammals. You are obviously enjoying the benefits of early relationship hormones but once this starts to wear out the Coolidge effect makes sure that you cant bonk your way to happiness.
Subconsciously she will start to wonder if you only want her for sex.

**Seeker_Advice** · 03-05-2011 08:51 PM

You've apologized, she's accepted your apology...learn from your "mistake" and move on.

BTW - "being drunk" is never an excuse for anything....especially with the woman you love. As many people believe that alcohol is "truth serum" and people say what they really mean or behave as they would really rather behave when they are drunk. So consider not allowing yourself to get to that point.

It's over, it's done, it's time to move forward (IMO).

**rcoreyus** · 03-06-2011 12:32 AM

This does point out one problem though - playing games where "stop" or pulling away doesn't really mean stop is risky. It is very easy for things to get out of hand when one person is playing and the other isn't. Maybe agree on something she can say, maybe "really stop", to make it clear that she means it.

**PinkySweet** · 03-06-2011 08:44 PM

Its perfectly normal to not have sex everyday, and it may even be a bad thing to have to much sex in the begining(im not 100% sure lol). I think you should just wait until she initates sex again, she may just be feeling a little tired and need to let her body rest.

Im sure all is well though :]