Thread: Should I stay after he cheated? Was it cheating after all?

Wow... yeah that's cheating. I read on that "your cheating when you are doing something you wouldn't want your partner to see." I think that is a fairly good description. How long has he been drinking? And driving drunk, led alone with children in the car, is unforgivable if you ask me. Most drunk accidents hurt other people, not the drunk driver. If you do decide to stay with him, to put it bluntly, p***y whip him. Doesn't sound nice, but after 10 years and he pulls like that, he deserves it if you ask me. As far as staying with him, are you dependent on him in any way? Is there a way to end it where most everyone is off good? I would say that it would be easier for you and him if it ended, so if you think thats what you want to do, try to make it easier on the kids.

A lot of men use alcohol so that they can say...
"I was so drunk I didn't know what I was doing."

It is not that they accidentally got drunk and didn't
know where they were, it is that the deliberately got
drunk so they can pretend they didn't know where they
were or what they were doing.

What terrified me is that he drove drunk with the children
in the car. This means he couldn't care less about them.

I think it's time to go.

It is cheating! Dont expect him to change if you stay because he wont and it will always haunt you in the back of your head thinking whats he doing out there while hes not at home.

When a man intends to cheat, not that he has anyone in
mind, not that things have happened, but that he is making
himself available, it is only a matter of time before he's in
bed with whomever.

Think back when you were younger and went to the Mall
or to some sort of social gathering...you were going to look
for love. That's why you were there. If you were actually
going shopping, you'd have a parent with you, so you aren't
really shopping...not for clothes.

He is virtually shouting; I AM GOING TO HAVE AN AFFAIR
hence, why wait around?

Thank you so much for your reply. No, I am not dependant on him. I own my own business and I am a nurse, so as far as finacially, I can do it with out him. It has been almost a week now, and I am finally finding out the rest. The night he came home form the bar, I kicked him out and he stayed with one of the girls. He says he just slept on the couch, yeah right. He has been drinking for about a month now. I have taken off my wedding ring, and I am getting ready to go on a business trip and he has been asking me everyday when I am going to put my ring back on. He said he is uncomfortable with me going out of town, if I dont have it on. He says i am beautiful and he does not want anyone to think I am single. I told him I really think we should seprerate and he started crying, saying that if I leave him asnd give up on him, then I also am giving up on God... Trying to make me feel guilty. I have not made me final decison yet, but we are sleeping in seperate rooms. Thanks for your reply.

Originally Posted by Hazanko

Wow... yeah that's cheating. I read on that "your cheating when you are doing something you wouldn't want your partner to see." I think that is a fairly good description. How long has he been drinking? And driving drunk, led alone with children in the car, is unforgivable if you ask me. Most drunk accidents hurt other people, not the drunk driver. If you do decide to stay with him, to put it bluntly, p***y whip him. Doesn't sound nice, but after 10 years and he pulls like that, he deserves it if you ask me. As far as staying with him, are you dependent on him in any way? Is there a way to end it where most everyone is off good? I would say that it would be easier for you and him if it ended, so if you think thats what you want to do, try to make it easier on the kids.

Thank you for your reply. I so agree. He has such a huge way of making me feel so guilty. I am not dependant on him in any way what so ever, except that I love him. But, I also love myself and my kids, and I have to get the courage to make us a better life, we deserve it.

It is a fact of life that one cannot commit adultery
unless married. If one is unmarried he is no longer
committing adultery but screwing around.

As it seems important to your husband to commit
adultery I would ruin his fun by dumping him.

Crying is one of those tricks men have. I have
seen men cry and continue their cheating. I had
one in the office a few months ago who begged
his wife not to leave him with tears rolling down
his face.

I put the divorce on hold. In two months she
was back in the office. Not only was he still
cheating...it had gotten even worse.

You may not be able to trust him but you still love him and maybe you think you might be better off without him but he stills needs you.
Before i got married to my husband while we were dating i got drunk and slept with two different guys. different times thought not together. but I told him what i did and no he didnt trust me and it hurt but i did it to myself. but he still loved me and we grew stronger from what i did. I learned not to put myself in a position like that were some could take advantage of me like those guys did though i am still to blame for allowing myself to get that drunk.
I know i would never want to hurt him like that again and its not worth it to sleep with someone else if marraige is ruined.
I think some couples couseling would be helpful. since he is back in the program he is getting help there.
I do have to ask though. If he had a problem before and went throught the program why did he leave it. my dad and step mom have ben sober for almost 15 years and they are still very active in the program. they build streight from others and helping others get over there addiction.
Once and alchoholic Always an alchoholic.
I wish you luck and God bless you and your family through there tough time.