Hi All. I really need some good advice. I am in a huge dilemma, and would really like to hear what you all think.

I have been married for 10 wonderful years, and together we have three children, and just adopted our 4th. When we met my husband was an alcoholic, and I stood by him while he went into recovery. He Has been sober for over 9 years now, and he is currently a youth pastor at our church.

I started getting suspicious a month ago when he started managing a restaurant that has a bar inside. But it was not until this last weekend until I found out the truth. My husband has been lieing to me left and right and has been drinking. He told me the restaurant closes at 11 pm, when it really closes at 9 pm and he stays and drinks. He drinks vodka, so I cant smell it. He has been driving drunk with the kids in the car and been drinking while on the job. This last Friday he did not get home until 3 am. To make a long story short, he was at a bar, drinking and dancing. He admitted that he was dirty dancing with several women. I happened to know the owner of the bar, and he allowed me to watch the surveillance tape from when my husband was there. Holy cow! My husband was grinding women into his erect penis in the dance floor!!! Kissing their necks, and his hands were up the back of one girls shorts.

I have never felt so betrayed in my life. He swears if he had been sober, he would have never does this. When your dirty dancing like that, you might as well be having sex, and I consider it all cheating and being unfaithful. He has admitted he is powerless over alcohol,quit his job, and is in AA.

My question is this... Do I leave or stay? Biblically I feel i should stay. I cannot trust him and i question his every move. One minute I am fine and the next he makes me want to puke. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks so much, and God bless.

Shan

Wow... yeah that's cheating. I read on that "your cheating when you are doing something you wouldn't want your partner to see." I think that is a fairly good description. How long has he been drinking? And driving drunk, led alone with children in the car, is unforgivable if you ask me. Most drunk accidents hurt other people, not the drunk driver. If you do decide to stay with him, to put it bluntly, p***y whip him. Doesn't sound nice, but after 10 years and he pulls like that, he deserves it if you ask me. As far as staying with him, are you dependent on him in any way? Is there a way to end it where most everyone is off good? I would say that it would be easier for you and him if it ended, so if you think thats what you want to do, try to make it easier on the kids.

A lot of men use alcohol so that they can say...
"I was so drunk I didn't know what I was doing."

It is not that they accidentally got drunk and didn't
know where they were, it is that the deliberately got
drunk so they can pretend they didn't know where they
were or what they were doing.

What terrified me is that he drove drunk with the children
in the car. This means he couldn't care less about them.

I think it's time to go.

It is cheating! Dont expect him to change if you stay because he wont and it will always haunt you in the back of your head thinking whats he doing out there while hes not at home.

When a man intends to cheat, not that he has anyone in
mind, not that things have happened, but that he is making
himself available, it is only a matter of time before he's in
bed with whomever.

Think back when you were younger and went to the Mall
or to some sort of social gathering...you were going to look
for love. That's why you were there. If you were actually
going shopping, you'd have a parent with you, so you aren't
really shopping...not for clothes.

He is virtually shouting; I AM GOING TO HAVE AN AFFAIR
hence, why wait around?

Thank you so much for your reply. No, I am not dependant on him. I own my own business and I am a nurse, so as far as finacially, I can do it with out him. It has been almost a week now, and I am finally finding out the rest. The night he came home form the bar, I kicked him out and he stayed with one of the girls. He says he just slept on the couch, yeah right. He has been drinking for about a month now. I have taken off my wedding ring, and I am getting ready to go on a business trip and he has been asking me everyday when I am going to put my ring back on. He said he is uncomfortable with me going out of town, if I dont have it on. He says i am beautiful and he does not want anyone to think I am single. I told him I really think we should seprerate and he started crying, saying that if I leave him asnd give up on him, then I also am giving up on God... Trying to make me feel guilty. I have not made me final decison yet, but we are sleeping in seperate rooms. Thanks for your reply.

Thank you for your reply. I so agree. He has such a huge way of making me feel so guilty. I am not dependant on him in any way what so ever, except that I love him. But, I also love myself and my kids, and I have to get the courage to make us a better life, we deserve it.