Need a Womans Advise

**caster** · 03-10-2011 10:23 AM

First post on this forum but I hope you'll take me seriously. I really don't know where or who to ask this.

I'm trying my best to get my wife and I back to some fun times after a couple of years of tragic family misery. We've both lost several close family members and friends over the last few years and the grief and stress has taken it's toll.
It's pretty much just the two of us now, not much family left and few friends.
We're 51 and 50 with no kids.

No matter what I try at home the same issues keep getting in the way keeping us for reconnecting, and not just sexually, and being we're at home a lot there are just to many reminders to get past. So I'm planning a suprise get away, but I've never done a secret one.
Most of our getways usually include sex but little intimacy. Usually go out shopping or sight seeing to waste the day. This time I'm going for a planned approach to spend all our time together, and I really do need a females prospective feedback. The last thing I want is for her to feel bad for not appreciating the effort if she doesn't like it. I really want her to enjoy herself but it's also to please me as well as she knows and admits she's fallen behind in that department, but she doesn't know how to restart herself either.
So here's my plan.

For the week leading up to this I'll tell her to not make any plans for the weekend and I'll leave her short love notes and flowers every day. Something I used to do years ago when we first got together.

I'm renting a secluded cabin in the mountains, not rustic but remote, hot tub and whirpool bath, private porch overlooking the wilderness, very tranqill setting.
When we get there my plan is to make her wait outside while I go in to set things up. Champayne and glasses on the table, Candles out, chocolates out, etc...
In the bedroom I plan on a few nice new toys on the bed stand rather than her old ones she regularly "doesn't" use anymore.
On the bed will be three small note cards with numbers 1-2-3, when I finally let her in to see the cabin, but not the bedroom, I'll explain a few things to her. It's just us, for two straight days, no TV, no Phone, no going into town to shop or to eat. Everything we'll do we'll do here.
I'll pack food, fruits, muffins, breakfast in bed type stuff. Lunch-snacks, cheese, crackers and wine, and steaks to grill or something nice for dinner that I can cook. I will tell her to pack a book as she does likes to read.

But, here's the intimacy issue. I stay fit and go nude quite a bit and she enjoys seeing me that way, she will on occasion, but usually she likes to wear comfy "ie" ugly lounging clothes.
I plan on telling her I've brought her three things she can wear all weekend, and that's all she can wear, they're laid out on the bed and she's not to wear anything else all weekend.
The three items, plus the new toys, will tell her what I have in mind for the entire weekend.
#3 Her favorite silk robe.
#2 A nice teddy type outfit I'm buying for her.
#1 A smiley face is under number 1 (nothing but a smile)

After that I think you get the picture of where I want this weekend to go, blankets by the fireplace, cuddling, sex whenever, where ever, naps, reading, just 2 1/2 days of intamacy with the woman I adore more than anything, and I want her to realize that all over again.

Whatcha think? Stupid or worthy of the effort?

**WildChild** · 03-10-2011 11:09 AM

Sounds simply lovely!
I hope she thinks so too.

**LanaBear** · 03-10-2011 12:43 PM

I'm with WC. I think it sounds absolutely wonderful! I hope the two of you have a great weekend together.

**caster** · 03-10-2011 12:52 PM

Thank you both, I'm working on booking the cabin.

Being a guy, most of us do try at some level, we just usually fail miserably at it all to often.
I want it to be a weekend she'll enjoy and remember.

**WildChild** · 03-10-2011 01:48 PM

Originally Posted by caster

Being a guy, most of us do try at some level, we just usually fail miserably at it all to often.
I want it to be a weekend she'll enjoy and remember.

Just keep in mind what she would like rather than what you would want if you were on the receiving end. Most women I know would be thrilled to have a man put so much into creating some special time together. I can honestly say I've never had one make a fraction of the effort you are going to. Best wishes for this plan.

**Seeker_Advice** · 03-10-2011 04:43 PM

As a guy, who is a hopeless romantic and does many things for his SO frequently, it sounds a bit much to cram into one weekend. Sounds like the pendulum is on one side and you're trying to swing it all the way over to the other in a single weekend.

I don't think that telling her to wait outside while you fix up the cabin is a good idea. I also don't agree with "telling her" what to wear, what to bring, etc.

There seems to be A LOT of instruction or telling her what to do, and based on what you've shared, I'm not sure all of that is such a good idea.

I follow the thought process, believe me I do, but it just seems like a bit much...IMO.

**Little_Miss_Me** · 03-10-2011 05:57 PM

I think it sounds wonderful. Honestly, I would be thrilled by something like this.

However, I'm concerned for her. Personally, when I feel beautiful and loved -- I'm a million times more sexual than when I'm not feeling good. Sure, sex is a great way to de-stress, but on a week to week basis, sex is directly proportional to how I feel inside.

When my little brother died, I wasn't okay. Natural. That directly reflected onto my self-imagine. Which directly effected in sex. Which ruined my relationship with a wonderful man.

You're married, and I don't know what advice to give you. I only know that it took healing and tons of work on me before I could have the sex drive I once had. A weekend simply for intimate reasons would've done absolutely nothing for me a few years ago. While I think it's wonderful for you to work so hard, I'm going to be a skeptic and ask if perhaps working on her mentally with a therapist and (because of her age) perhaps getting some hormone replacement pills (my mother is about her age, and swears they saved her marriage with my step-father).

I'm sorry to be so skeptical. I could just see this going awful for -you- if your plan doesn't unfold like you want it to.

Best of luck, and keep your heart big =) You're special and seem to be one of a kind.

**BabyGirl** · 03-13-2011 10:16 AM

It seems you are a Loving and Thoughtful man. Planning a romantic getaway in order to get back your "Closeness".

I however agree with Seeker, it seems a bit much. And to me it seems a bit controlling. Having her stay outside while you ready the place, telling her she only has 3 items to wear, insisting there be no outside communication or resources, Phones, TV. is a bit like being held Hostage.

I believe your intent is good and admirable, but have you considered how she might feel ? You calling all the shots , what if she isn't ready, will she feel pressured to have intimacy with you ?

Here's another way to initiate that closeness...
By asking her !

"Hey Honey, we've been having a rough time, these past couple of years. our loss of family and such."

" I think it would do us some good to have a mini Vacation, just the two of us, some time of Tranquility and just Relaxation without the stresses of daily life and just spend some time together."

"I found this little cabin in the woods and think it would be a nice place to go and just get away from it all . We can have picnic's or just walk in the woods. we can have a Fireplace Dinner and listen to some nice relaxing music. "

With Asking her, rather than Telling her, it gives her a chance to decide for herself if she wants to go for a relaxing weekend with the man she loves. It gives her a chance to look forward to something, to help in planning it.

You can always pack some romantic things, Chocolates & Strawberry's and Champagne and Candles and Roma tic Chick Flicks DVD's. And you can also hint that she might bring something " sexy " in case the mood arises.

Leaving it up to her, in my opinion is the best way to go. You are still showing her Love and being Romantic and letting her know that you want to just Go Away and spend some Private, Quality time alone with her.

That in itself shows the kind of man you are and that you truly care for her and your marriage.

**WildChild** · 03-13-2011 10:20 AM

Reading what Seeker and BG bring up, is an ah ha. I thought this was a lovely plan but felt a little niggle of discomfort with it and they hit the nail on the head pointing out that it is too controlling. I have to agree that it needs to be a mutual choice to share this experience.

**BabyGirl** · 03-13-2011 11:01 AM

I also thought it was a lovely plan until I read the " she had no choice " parts.

It still is a sweet idea, just that it should be an Option and a Joint plan that hopefully she will be excited about and look forward too.

My heart skipped a beat in reading the details of your romantic planning. You can still plan the Surprise things, like the Candles and stuff. Maybe get some massage oils to take along.

The idea of bring her cards or a flower every day of that week prior to the special weekend, is still a good Idea, once she agrees to go. It will show her that you are excited to " run away " with her for a weekend. Maybe even Avoid Sex that week , but be Cuddly and Attentive.

I hope that your weekend works out ( if you two go ) and that it brings you two closer to each other and brings back some of the romance that you once had together.

Then Don't Stop at that weekend, try to show her daily how much you love and adore her. It doesn't have to be flowers and candy or cards brought home daily, just little things, running her a Bubble bath with candles around the tub, when she's had a hard day at work, giving her a food massage or telling her that Fridays ( or pick a Day ) is your turn to cook or bring in Dinner. Small attentive things that show her you love her.

Remember it's the Thought that Counts and the following through with the Actions. that keeps the Fire of Love going.