Thread: Feeling in between . . .

Try something online with one of the bigger sites like the one that rhymes with stupid or the other one that rhymes with batch.

You remain in control, you only communicate with who you want to communicate and you can keep them at a distance safely while attempting to find out who they are before you meet for coffee.

ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS meet in a well lit busy place, like a cafe, the first few times you meet. Be smart. Be safe. Have fun!

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

There are lots of single/newly or not-so-newly divorced men in the age group you seek... I wouldn't set your heart on specific digits though as you are painting yourself into a corner, I think. Wishing to be with someone older than you 5-15 years older , at your age, is really reasonable. It would be different if you were 21... but once you are over 25 and ESPECIALLY once you are over 30... you are at your peak maturity level... I don't mean that as you get older than you are now you will be less mature... or that you have no wisdom to gain, of course you do -- but I just mean you have probably settled into your skin, have become the woman will you be much more at 32 than say, 19...

But anyways... theres nothing wrong with what you want, and there are plenty of men , in the age bracket you seek, that also don't want to party etc... and love conversation. Have you tried online dating? Have you networked with friends to see if they know a man you might be attracted to? Do you leave yourself open to flirting or talking when you are out and about? Do you frequent the kind of places where you'd want the man of your dreams to have an interest in? (whether that be parks, gyms, museums, whatever it is you like)

Good questions. I think i leave myself open to flirting but i also don't go out very often. And i think may give off a slightly "too emotionally available" vibe so i'm a little more cautious. I also need to work on my physical appearance (weight, etc.), so i can't say i'm entirely ready for the dating world. I do want to go out more often so i hope i get up the nerve and take more risks.

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

Cocoa, I know you are searching, wanting and rightly so...

I know you are smart and have even gone as far as researching....are you now trying to find finally...

You don't have to be rebellious and you are pre-empting that men will not take you serious and you are aiming at men that have had many partners, been married and yes, they would in-deed love a woman whom has not had many partners but they would also fear, can I teach her? Will she throw that against me? Is she going to be not open to intimacy, my desires that I have experienced and like and want this time round?

Yet someone younger than you who is like you, mature, and wanting a lady, someone to grow with and learn together, is that not more of a better option for you?

Yes, older men eventually learn their mistakes but they have been there, done alot and they will want intimacy not sex, if they are serious but to take them back to patience and no foreplay, inhibitions, fear, they may have just been there, hense why they are Divorced...

You are mature...beyond your years do you not think a 28 year old male may be as well?

CW

thank you. Umm, i see your point, and i think intimacy is what i'm looking for and i don't mind those who have more experience than i do, just not too much. I don't mind dating someone who is divorced, but i'd be wary of being with someone who has kids. I don't think i'm ready for that yet. i take your point that they would want someone who is not going to hold back, someone is more sexually confident, but i think that comes with time and trust. Hopefully, it would be someone who is patient and would enjoy taking things slow. In terms of 28 year olds, it's just that most guys at that age don't find me attractive, and i don't usually feel compatible with them in terms of interests, goals, personality, etc. And i dare say, i am not the most physically compatible type for most guys today, so i think it seems more realistic to think older than younger since I think older men (i assume and of course i could be wrong) tend to appreciate maturity and stability.

Originally Posted by Seeker_Advice

Try something online with one of the bigger sites like the one that rhymes with stupid or the other one that rhymes with batch.

You remain in control, you only communicate with who you want to communicate and you can keep them at a distance safely while attempting to find out who they are before you meet for coffee.

ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS meet in a well lit busy place, like a cafe, the first few times you meet. Be smart. Be safe. Have fun!

Yeah, agree that precautions should always be taken. I tried the one that rhymes with batch but i only received one response, and i questioned it. I also wasn't realistic in the type i was looking for. I was thinking in ideals rather than being practical. Maybe i'll some other sites and see how it goes.

Thank you all for your comments. They were helpful.

How are your other relationships? Do you have girl friends or guy friends you socialize with? If not, I think learning to establish relationships in general is an important part of preparing yourself for a dating relationship. There are a lot of dynamics to relationships that are only acquired through experience, so be prepared that there will be lots of things to learn.

Like HD said, try not to limit yourself in terms of age and things like that. You will limit yourself greatly, and there's just really no need for it. You're right in that it seems hard to find men around your age (mine too) that are even close to our maturity level, but there are definitely men out there that defy that generalization. And you never know who's going to be the perfect fit for you.

Originally Posted by Beautiful Disaster

How are your other relationships? Do you have girl friends or guy friends you socialize with? If not, I think learning to establish relationships in general is an important part of preparing yourself for a dating relationship. There are a lot of dynamics to relationships that are only acquired through experience, so be prepared that there will be lots of things to learn.

Like HD said, try not to limit yourself in terms of age and things like that. You will limit yourself greatly, and there's just really no need for it. You're right in that it seems hard to find men around your age (mine too) that are even close to our maturity level, but there are definitely men out there that defy that generalization. And you never know who's going to be the perfect fit for you.

Yeah, I agree that I have quite a bit to learn - I don't doubt that by any means. But I need to be realistic. So, it's not really that i am limiting myself - it's that i've been around enough people long enough to realize or understand who i seem to be compatible with and who is attracted to me, and it's not likely to be someone my age. Men my age are not attracted to me physically. They think I'm nice but don't consider me a romantic interest. Older men (20+ years) tend to see me as this curious young woman who needs more experience. But I'm not really looking to make myself acceptable just to be with them. Although it seems I radiate some sort of vibe which gives a particular impression. So, I want to be realistic about prospects and not direct my attentions at people who are not responsive. And i really don't want to see this as a maturity thing; just a compatibility thing. I don't consider myself particularly mature but just different in who I am compared to many in my age group. I am not the type of person who would ever be in a situation where someone whose focus is physical would get very far. I'm not that person. That kind of person would probably get bored with me after a while because I don't need physical affection or attention to feel wanted or cared for. But as usual, i'm worrying too much about what others think - bad habit.

I did join the site which rhymes with stupid, so we'll see if I receive any legit replies from among the other more questionable ones. Thx for the feedback.