Thread: I'm a Solver....?

I've always heard the stereotypes that "men are solvers", "men will always look for a solution". And I've always heard it said that sometimes women get upset because their men aren't compassionate enough, when in reality the man is just trying to FIX whatever is wrong. I do this. But I'm a woman. There are many areas of my life in which I simply listen, do not offer advice, just lend a kind ear. But then there are other areas in which I find it difficult.

My relationships with men are one area. If your knee chronically hurts, you take meds and it doesn't help, it's interfering with your day to day activities, I'm going to tell you to go to the doctor. Yes, I'm speaking of my current relationship. That scenario actually happened. He finally did go to the doctor, who told him he had arthritis and it wasn't advanced enough for surgery so there wasn't much that could be done. His knee hasn't bothered him since.

I posted previously about his circulation issues. He says they are caused from an old injury, but based on what he told me of this old injury and what the doctor told him, it doesn't add up. He wore a tshirt to my house Saturday night, and before dark we were sitting outside. It was cool, not cold...but yeah, if I had on a tshirt Id have probably been chilled. He starts clenching his fist talking about how his hand has gone numb and ice cold. But only in one hand. He ALWAYS brings it to my attention when this happens to him. And since he says he knows the cause of it and it can't be helped, I've gotten to the point I just say nothing. But it agitates me. He's 30. Not 85.

His back hurts. Every time he does something physical like play basketball, the next day his back hurts. I know from experience back pain SUCKS...so every time he has brought this up, I have said "perhaps you should go to a chiropractor, mine worked wonders for me.". He gives the ole "Yeah I probably should"...then time passes and nothing. Then again, his back hurts.....I suggest again. Finally, he called and made an appointment for Friday. They had an opening on Wed but he said he could not miss a meeting that had already been scheduled.

I've suggested changes in his diet. I've suggested taking vitamins. I've suggested weight training (other than occasional bball and some sit ups and home he doesn't work out) to try to strengthen some of those areas that cause him so much trouble. He has not taken any of those suggestions.

The scenario is similar when it comes to his job. He vents, I listen. I vent, he listens. That's fine. But there are times when he vents repeatedly about the same thing, and I get tired of "listening" because I know there's a way he could change the situation but builds these "I can't do that" walls. Him: "I want to take off Friday but I can't".
Me: "Why?"
Him:"Someone scheduled a meeting."
Me:"People miss meetings all the time".
Him: "I can't miss it, it will put me behind".
Me: "Ok...darn that stinks, well maybe you could take off Thursday and watch the games instead?"
Him: "But I wanted to be off on Friday. "
Me: "Hmmm"

Lol

The thing is, I want to fix things. I don't want anyone to hurt. But I don't want to hear about it constantly when you're doing ZERO to change it. And I've honestly gotten to the point with him that I do not know at all when to take something seriously and when to take it as dramatic whining over something that wouldn't even phase me. Sort of like the little boy who cried wolf.

I'm a solver. I don't like to waste time wallowing......I want to fix it. I don't mean for it to cause me to come off as a non compassionate person, because I'm far from that. Can anyone relate?!?!