ex-boyfriend..should it be a friendship?

**Darling** · 03-16-2011 09:03 AM

HI,
Alright i have been struggling with this one for a few years. My ex and i were together off and on for about two years. He was my everything ... at the time. He was older by two years we were in high school, we went through a lot together. As a friend he was great as a boyfriend he was crazy mostly. the other part he was pretty great. We had a really hard break up. he was out of school i was in school, our parents were determined to keep us a part. We yelled and argued a lot at the end, and well we didnt really grow apart we ripped apart.
Anyway.
IT WAS FOR THE BEST, he was bad for me as a boyfriend but great as a friend. When he was out of my life it took a lot to learn how to live again. I did stupid things with stupid people, and eventually got smart and found my husband whom i love very much we are more than friends we are built for each other.

If my ex and i had stayed in that hole of a relationship i wouldnt be who i am today. The question is, why do i still want his friend ship, and is it okay to be friends? Its scarey i have been staying clear for years now and we randomly see each other, its not a lost love thing or a desire, but i feel like the separation was so harsh, so much negativity that i feel we never got to say our good byes it was done for us, yes we were not in love as partners but we were great friends he helped me with tough issues, he was the one that had me talk about being sexually abused, that issue had locked me up for years.
All in all im sorry this is going on and on. the issue is im not sure how this will settle with my husband and i dont want to cause problems i just want to bridge that gap from a few years ago.
maybe im thinking too much and should just leave it alone.

**WildChild** · 03-16-2011 09:10 AM

Sounds like you are looking for closure, like you want a happy ending to this. A lot of this depends on how being friends would affect your current life. What do see a friendship with him involving? Saying hi and chatting for a few minutes if you run into each other in the grocery? Or inviting him over for Thanksgiving? There is a big difference there. What is it you really want from him?

**Darling** · 03-16-2011 09:15 AM

closure is exactly what im looking for, i guess that's really all i want from him. I have no clue how to gain it?

**WildChild** · 03-16-2011 10:04 AM

One simple conversation or a note should do it. Just say that you are very happy in your life now and are with the love of your life, that you thank him for the good things he did in your life and that you wish that the two of you had parted on better terms and that you wish him a happy life. You may not even need to send the note, sometimes just writing our feelings help.

If you did send a note, what kind of response do you want from him? How do you think your husband would feel about you doing this? Hopefully if you told him you were just wanting some closure with this he will understand.

**Darling** · 03-16-2011 11:15 AM

well i did the best i could, lol i sent it, and the conversation went well. now he wants something of his back and i dont have it any more but what ever i have my closure, and thats it. sometimes i think its best to leave things in the box rather than force it out. but i feel better now and my husband understands what my reasoning was. now i should close that box tight and send it away.