To Horrible Table Manners...to say something or not?

**asiangrace** · 03-16-2011 07:30 PM

I have a really good friend. We are the same age. I've noticed something all along our friendship and I'm not sure if I should say something to her or not about it.
Her table manners are, lack of a better word, atrocious. She half way lays across the table while eating and licks her cutlery-even the knife -between every bite and during conversation, chews with her mouth open and wipes up food from her plate with her fingers and then licks them. Recently she has been telling me she is tired of being single. I fear her table manners COULD be an issue in this dilemma.

I am not shallow by any means and I still enjoy her company. Is this something you would talk to your friend about? It might be why she hasn't had a second date....

How do you tactfully talk to someone about bad table manners or do you??

Help! She keeps asking why she is still single and doesn't get asked out again. I don't know what to tell her...

**Beautiful Disaster** · 03-17-2011 07:46 AM

Haha. This made me giggle picturing this gal slurping food off her fingers at the dinner table.

This may a bit extreme, but if there are any etiquette classes in your area, perhaps you could sign up for one and ask her to go along???

On the other hand, there's probably a guy out there who would love her laid back carefree attitude at the table, who would find her funny and quirky and perfect......

**WildChild** · 03-17-2011 08:24 AM

Talk to her. Next time she brings up the single issue, do it in a joking way if you can. "Licking that knife could be considered sexy, with the right look, but some guys might think you are a little too close to it." "Is that spoon clean enough for you? You do wash them too right?"
The chewing with the mouth open bit is disgusting, who wants to see how well you masticate your food?
She needs a heads up on this. Her parents obviously fell down on the job, says the woman who remostrated with her 17 yr old recently for sticking his head down and licking his plate (he claimed it was too good to leave anything behind). Some people just need more work to get there. LOL.

**caster** · 03-17-2011 08:32 AM

I picture her wiping her mouth on her sleeve, burping loudly and leaning over to fart at the table, then resume eating. I actually went out with a girl about like that... ONCE!

As a friend I would say something. That's pretty bad.

You don't give her age but it's something that needs to be corrected as I doubt it'd get better on it own, and it will effect her at jobs, dates, family gatherings, etc....
An etiquette class is a good idea, and while holding the pinky out drinking tea isn't the norm anymore I highly doubt I'd ask a woman out on a 2nd date with that bad of table manners unless we had become friends already and I felt I could approach the subject.
Two things most men do not want, high maintainence and bad manners.

**Seeker_Advice** · 03-17-2011 08:43 AM

"I have a really good friend"

As her really good friend, of course you should tell her....and soon!

Try not to be condescending or make her feel like you are talking down to her as she will quickly become defensive. Instead ask her if she'd like to hear your thoughts on what you think may be contributing to her still being single. Then be brief and be direct. Pull no punches.

I would also recommend a book "Emily Post's Etiquette" by Peggy Post. See if you can get it from the library and check it out in advance of your conversation if possible.

I was raised in a fairly proper environment growing up and have seen/read many editions of this book over the years.

It's probably over kill, but at least she will have something from which to refer.

As Caster stated above "Two things most men do not want, high maintainence and bad manners."

I couldn't agree more.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-17-2011 03:32 PM

I'd be very careful how you tell her.

She is your friend so that means you accept her exactly the way she is, that needs to come across

I'd be saying, you make me giggle the way you lick your knife like that and spread yourself across the table, I thought a totally clean plate, mean't you enjoyed your food

I'm thinking though, your dates, they take you out for dinner? This maybe something you have to do at home or with me, not in-front of them, because they don't know you yet, and it's not showing your feminine side at all, now is it..

Hold a conversation about it.