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Reply With Quotetry to not get too stressed over the situation, dont read too much into it ur still young and any new relationship takes time to feel normal
New relationship
hi there. im 22 years old and recently just got into a new relationship.. my last relationship was 5 years, it was full of disfunction, lies and hurt.. it has strongly affected who i am now. i dont want to bring my past into this new relationship, but everytime my new boyfriend doesnt message me enough, or say the right thing.. i feel very sad and hurt, but i dont know how to communicate it.. or if i should because it might just be my past insecurities, any help on what to do?
try to not get too stressed over the situation, dont read too much into it ur still young and any new relationship takes time to feel normal
May I ask how long it's been since you've broken up with your last partner?
I ask because sometimes if we don't give ourselves enough "single time" in between relationships, we can fall into this trap of treating each relationship the same way, having the same expectations, the same hurts, getting confused when the new partner does something different to what the old partner used to do...
If you're feeling the same in this relationship as you did in the last one, then that tells me that you're either dating the same type of guys or you're not fully recovered from the last one.
hi there- it will be two years this june, though it feels like yesturday.. i totally know what you mean about not enough 'single time'.. the december, of the year i left him finally.. i started dating someone absolutely amazing, who i work with, who ended up leaving me for his ex. so that was just over a year ago as well. and your right i do hav the same expectations, hurts and get confused... and i wish it would go away.. the type of guy im with now seems to be completely different, hes very sentimental, sweet i can be myself and talk to him... but i cant help but trying to find things about him that will hurt me... and i dont know if im just paranoid or if hes actually going to leave me.. he has been cheated on his previous relationship as well..Originally Posted by Mes_T
May I ask how long it's been since you've broken up with your last partner?
I ask because sometimes if we don't give ourselves enough "single time" in between relationships, we can fall into this trap of treating each relationship the same way, having the same expectations, the same hurts, getting confused when the new partner does something different to what the old partner used to do...
If you're feeling the same in this relationship as you did in the last one, then that tells me that you're either dating the same type of guys or you're not fully recovered from the last one.
maybe im not fully recovered.. but dang how long can it take?
Aw boy do I know what you're going through When I broke up with my first long-term partner I dated someone else right off the bat, probably just to show myself that yes I was capable of dating someone new and falling in love again. Needless to say the relationship was short-lived.
How long it takes to get over someone depends on so many things... How many friends/hobbies you have to distract you, how often you communicate with your ex, the reasons you broke up...
After I broke up with my ex I had "flings" for a year or so, then was completely single for another year. To be honest an additional year on top of that probably wouldn't have hurt.
Yeah you might be a tad paranoid, or you simply might just not be ready for a new serious relationship.
If you haven't already, maybe try having a discussion with your current boyfriend about the things you've said here. If he's had bad past experiences too then he'll probably understand where you're coming from.
It's to hear about other peoples experience-- not to say that im glad you've been hurt... lol but just nice to know i'm not alone... and are you completely over him now?? or is that just a myth... maybe you never get over them you just move on..Aw boy do I know what you're going through When I broke up with my first long-term partner I dated someone else right off the bat, probably just to show myself that yes I was capable of dating someone new and falling in love again. Needless to say the relationship was short-lived.
How long it takes to get over someone depends on so many things... How many friends/hobbies you have to distract you, how often you communicate with your ex, the reasons you broke up...
After I broke up with my ex I had "flings" for a year or so, then was completely single for another year. To be honest an additional year on top of that probably wouldn't have hurt.
Yeah you might be a tad paranoid, or you simply might just not be ready for a new serious relationship.
If you haven't already, maybe try having a discussion with your current boyfriend about the things you've said here. If he's had bad past experiences too then he'll probably understand where you're coming from.
i would love to talk to him about it, but im soo scared.. im soo bad at communication, i hide everything with a joke.. i find it soo hard to say anything afraid of rejection, and that everything i say has no importance.. its a HUGE struggle and i know communication is the most important thing!!
the ex and i dont talk much now, i live near him so i see him along, and some times when hes shopping at my work i see him and we talk a bit.. but not about us or anything, but seeing him brings me back to that sad place, so i know its better for me not to see him.. i just really want to be secure, and move on and be happy for once.. it seems like such a struggle.
Oh yeah definitely quit seeing your ex or communicating in any way if your bad feelings surface every time. Might be tough at first but so worth it!
I'm not the best at communication either, but I've found that writing a letter (much like typing a post on here) and then READING it to my partner works perfectly. You can do it.
And finally my personal opinion is that YES you DO get over a person, especially if you know that you've broken up for the right reasons and you're better off without each other. From what I gather from your posts thus far, sounds like this is your situation exactly.
I'm completely over my ex, despite at one time in my life thinking that he was my soul mate and beyond. Every now and then I might recall a fond memory... but that's no different from remembering a friend you had in elementary school or a nice pair of shoes you saw at the shop once.
Be confident that you've learned from your experiences with your ex and are now free to find someone who is truly for you.
The letter thing is a great idea! but i'd be soo nervous cause we've only been dating for 2 months i dont want him to think i'm a total nut and need to write him a letter, even though i know it's not crazy... i think too much of what people think of me, i will do my best and try to talk to him.. if it doesnt work then i will try the letter thing...Oh yeah definitely quit seeing your ex or communicating in any way if your bad feelings surface every time. Might be tough at first but so worth it!
I'm not the best at communication either, but I've found that writing a letter (much like typing a post on here) and then READING it to my partner works perfectly. You can do it.
And finally my personal opinion is that YES you DO get over a person, especially if you know that you've broken up for the right reasons and you're better off without each other. From what I gather from your posts thus far, sounds like this is your situation exactly.
I'm completely over my ex, despite at one time in my life thinking that he was my soul mate and beyond. Every now and then I might recall a fond memory... but that's no different from remembering a friend you had in elementary school or a nice pair of shoes you saw at the shop once.
Be confident that you've learned from your experiences with your ex and are now free to find someone who is truly for you.
thank you so much for all the encouraging and kind words! it really does make an impact!!
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