Thread: Loving boyfriend.. But only when were together

Have you told him how it makes you feel? Some people are not phone people at all -- don't like talking on it, don't like texting and only utilize those things when they have something specific or relevent to say. In other words... the 'hi how u doin stuff 'is not something they are interested in doing on the phone... more so only using it for 'i will be there at 8pm' type functions.

My boyfriend was one of those guys when we first started dating, and it would leave me feeling like you... distant. I told him how it makes my day to hear from him. I told him that those 30 little seconds he takes to pick up his phone, read what i wrote... and respond timely... can make my whole day -- he didn't realize it was that important to me, since it was not important to him. So although he wasn't a 'phone guy'... he adapted to make ME happy and make ME feel special.

When I explained to him that a text out of the blue from him.... makes me aware he was thinking of me at that moment -- he got it, he understood. When I explained to him that when I send him a text at a time I know he is free and available and he doesn't respond... it makes me feel like I wasn't worth the effort , the 30 second effort it would take to pick up that phone and tap a couple keys -- he got it, he understood.

If you express to your boyfriend what it is it means to you for him to communicate when you guys are apart ... he should be able to at least make some compromises in his phone usage style... in order to make you happy, and you can make some as well -- as in not expecting him to text all day or talk on phone for hours etc... know what i mean? Meeting somewhere in the middle. If he doesn't know how much it matters to you though... if you havent SPECIFICALLY told him (don't just hint... you need to be clear) how you feel about his lack of communication... you can't really hold it against him for not doing the things he doesn't know matter so much to you.

Hi, thanks for getting back to me. We spoke openly about it and he admitted he'd gotten a bit too comfortable with the relationship and that he'd put in more effort - which he has done since! So thanks again for the advice, it all worked out for the best.

Sounds just like my ex.

I used to see him once or twice a week, when he lived just 6 minutes drive away (he too had no job or education to worry about). He never would insist on seeing me sooner than 4 days in length, and the texts were pathetic. The emails also, that's if i got a reply. I recall in a month i saw him 4 times. Again, this is with him having all the spare time in the world.

He acted disinterested the entire time, except until the day he got me. The game was over, he had what he wanted no need to try. He insisted this was his personailty. I do believe it was, but the fact that he'd visit my house at 4 adn leave at 6 or most definitely by 9 because he was "tired" and then visit his mate on several occasions staying up past 3am doesn't make sense to me. I wanted to be his best friend. He was mine.

Now granted, he loved me very much, this was a part of who he was. I didn't want him to change for me, and i knew i wasn't being needy ( i merely wanted to enjoy the company of whom i loved for more than 4 days a month!) , but he showed love very differently to how i needed it, so i ended things (i felt utterly neglected the entire time)

He took me to a party once, full well knowing i'm shy, introduced me to one person and spent the other 4 hours AWAY from my sight, i was left stranded (very well i enjoyed the persons company) and then when i did see him it was time to go. I was shocked at that! Neglecting me like that!? I told him off for it and he improved, but would still leave me alone quite an amount of time. I hated those parties. He'd insist me come but then not really spend it with me. I think it was so that he didn't look like a loser without a gf, because i was his first gf in many years.

This is my advice. Seriously, he wont change, he isn't want you need. Leave, because if you have my luck, you will meet a guy who is sooooo willing to give you anything you want, you will wonder why you didn't leave him earlier to make your heart open to this new guy.

SERIOUSLY, he might love you, maybe (he doesn't look THAT interested to be honest) but do you want to feel neglected for forever, or cherished???
Exactly. Leave. You'll both get over it pretty darn fast, trust me.

You seem so very mature for 18! The way I see it is that it seems that he only feels close when you two are physically together. The relationship probably doesn't feel the same through a text. He gets your text message, and probably overlooks it because he probably doesn't enjoy talking through text (I am this way unless the conversation is more than just a basic "how are you" I feel it interuppts what I am doing at that moment) and he probably forgets to text back until awhile later, when he's bored and scanning through his inbox. Why do you only see him once a week? For a relationship to last a year, it needs more physical time together. Try to squeeze more time together, incorporate an extra date night. He sounds like he has the potential to be an excellent boyfriend if the opportunity was there. It seems he enjoys the relationship while he has it (that one day) but is caught up in his life (the other six days). He probably feels responsible for just that one day and doesn't understand that you need just a little bit more. He doesn't understand that you feel he isn't keeping up.

i would just move on, you deserve better than that. You should go out with your friends have fun and live your life and when the right guy comes along who is going to make you feel loved when he's with you and not with you, someone who is going to go to important events like your dads birthday. if he's not making you a priority then you shouldnt make him yours.

Im 21 and in a similar situation to you, meaning that i dont see my boyfriend much, but perhaps thats the main issue, if you did see your boyfriend a bit more he would maybe understand you more or if you at least sort of hint the issue to him,he would then maybe realise. I dont think he has a clue that he makes you feel distant so maybe you should just tell him that it just doesnt make you feel happy. The thing with my partner is that he is very loving when with me but when not with me he tends to not talk much via text messages etc, and i did tell him once that it gets me moody and unhappy when he ignores my texts or replys back late, and iv knowticed little improvements but i guess it will just take time because i doubt they would fix up as soon as you tell them to anyway. Step by step is how to do it i think, and it takes a little time. If you see no progress ,then ignore them, and im sure they will feel a little annoyed and maybe understand where your coming from?

Xxx