How to leave work at work at the end of the day

**Cyndie32** · 04-08-2011 12:28 PM

I leave my house at 8 am and don't get home until 5:30. I have a half hour commute. I work in an office where there is just my "leader" and myself. I run the front office. My boss is a total jerk. He is mean. He yells at me. He does not do his job properly and constantly leaves work early and shows up late. He is not my problem. I am my problem. I am having a very difficult time not taking my work home with me and it is upsetting my husband. He tries to be supportive and he will listen for a while. But he told me this morning that it is ruining OUR home life because it consumes my thoughts. He is right. I just don't know how to stop thinking about it. How do I turn it off at the end of the day? I don't want to have a horrible work life and a horrible home life too. I need to be able to put it away. I just don't know how.

**pretzel** · 04-08-2011 12:38 PM

You get a half an hour to vent, rant and rave about your job and you boss. After that, it's time for your home and husband.

No exceptions.

**KMonte85** · 04-08-2011 12:51 PM

it is crucial that you get it out of your system before you get home and inflict your bad working environment on your household. So here's my advice:

Utilize that 30 minute drive home to decompress - it is the time to shake off the day you've had and get yourself ready for the pleasure of being home, your safe place, with your beloved husband.

Make yourself a playlist of all the songs you enjoy, can jam to, songs that will help you yell it out, sing it up, uplift you, etc... doesn't matter what songs they are, they just need to be ones that you love for your own reasons and will help you let it all out. Sing, scream, dance in your seat - whatever, just let out the frustration with some great music to life yourself up before you get home!

Eat a snack. My preference is a small apple.. the natural sugars will give you a bit on an energy boost after being stomped on all day by a crappy boss. The carbs will lift your mood a little too.

If it is a nice day (and we're slowing getting more of those!), roll down those windows and enjoy the wind whipping through your hair, feel the warmth, and take in the fresh air

Think of one nice thing that may have happened in the day and focus on that. I'm sure you were pooped on all day long, but there may have been just one sliver of enjoyment. Did you have a pleasant phonecall with someone? Did you accomplish a daunting task for the day? SOMETHING had to have happened that was positive. If it didn't, think of the one thing you are going to do when you get home that will make the day worth it! So work sucked, now you're on the way home, and you're going to have a great dinner with hubby, put on your favorite most comfy pjs later, and snuggle up on the couch for your favorite shows... whatever it may be - just get the positive thoughts flowing

This is what has saved me (and my fiance) from some ruined nights caused by some tremendously bad work days! Good luck!

**Seeker_Advice** · 04-08-2011 07:00 PM

Document, document, document...in a journal or a notebook or something that brings you closure on a daily basis. If you don't want to "waste time" documenting by hand written notes then buy a $20.00 microcassette recorder and some tapes and document into that....

Take the half hour commute you have and put it to good use...documenting/venting about your day. When you pull in the drive or turn off the engine, take another moment or two to take a coule of deep cleanisng breaths, then exit the car and enter your home. Work is left in the car and you are ready to greet the man who LOVES YOU upon your arrival home.

**WildChild** · 04-08-2011 07:27 PM

I have idea that Seeker is suggesting that one day some of that documenting just may serve you. I would get a digital recorder, they are smaller and your should be able to transfer everything to a flashdrive. If you keep it in your pocket or handbag you just may be able to get some of el jerko in action too.

Meditation type music may be good too. I like the idea of making some CD for yourself, maybe start off with a couple scream it out songs like Alice Cooper's Black Juju and just scream that "Wake Up". Then a couple really hard rocking ones, into something lively and time it so that by the time you pulling in at home you are listening to something really sweet and soothing and loving or fun.

**rcoreyus** · 04-11-2011 09:16 AM

Its pretty common for people to bring work problems home with them. It helps if your husband is willing to talk about it with you - but don't take up the whole evening, just a few minutes to vent about how badly your day went, and let him do the same.

**Cyndie32** · 04-11-2011 01:09 PM

Awsome ideas! Thanks. I like the digital recorder in the pocket. That is so much better than jornaling. Get it out on tape before i get home. Good Ideas.

**joeblow** · 04-17-2012 05:25 PM

this may just be me, but i think your complaining over nothing. I leave me house at 6:30 and don't get home sometimes till 7:30-8. I love my job, so most of the hours fly by, and I agree, the maybe 2 or 3 hours at night i get at home to myself are crucial to my sanity (and i would love to have more), are we not fortunate to have a job? Live , laugh love sister.

**joeblow** · 04-17-2012 05:26 PM

oh and talking about traffic, 2 hours AT LEAST of my day.

**Brandywine** · 04-17-2012 08:57 PM

Wow you all gave a lot of great advice! Some of these things I may try to help me unwind. Cyndie, I know you said that your boss isn't your problem, that you are focused on taking control of yourself. However, I think your boss needs to be held accountable as well. NO ONE in an authoritative position should treat his or her employees in the manner he is treating you, I'm sure we all agree. The question is, how can this be prevented? (I'm a big fan of getting to the root of the problem.)

Is there an HR department you can speak with on this matter? You can use the digital recorder WildChild mentions for documented proof of abuse. If your boss has no superiors or there isn't an HR department, you can contact the American Civil Liberities Union. ACLU is known for advocating on behalf of employees who are being harrassed/abused at work. They may even offer you free legal assistance.

I know it can be hard to call your boss out on his or her actions, I've done it.

But remember...
You have the RIGHT to work in an environment free of abuse, harrassment, and intimidation.