picked the wrong made of honor...should i tell her?

**Kallygirlie** · 04-09-2011 07:41 AM

So my wedding is next Saturday and thinking I should have listened to my doubts when selecting my MOH. My best friend since middle school was a no brainer but I knew she wouldn't pull through. If there's a way to make it about her, she'll find it. We are doing alot of do it yourself projects...usually her time to shine...nope. She told me she'd be happy to help if I loaded in the car and bring it to her house. She wasn't there for my dress selection, dress fitting but she got made when I couldn't come to her fitting. She planned a surprise bridal showers at my house a week before the wedding. I found out when all the guess started complaining cause this party would force them to make the 2hr drive twice in a week. My house is only 39 mins from her so it made it easier for her. So my aunt ended up talking her into doing it at her house. last night was the final straw. I've been understanding of her not being able to do things up to this point. Tonight was supposed to be our bachelor/bachelorette party. Come to find out, the bachelorette part wasn't planned. She spent the last month saying its a go. Found out last night she didnt invite anyone and she made other plans tonight with her family instead. When I asked about it, she threw the fact that I never threw here one in my face. I actually had hers planned until she moved her wedding date twice. What upsets me the most isn't that I'm not gonna go party. It was the place we were going. Where we had our first date, where we first danced to our song. We haven't been back since it all began. Now if i go I'll look like the bride that doesn't trust her groom and tagged along to watch him. That's not us at all. Here way of sayin she'll go was "fine I'll ditch my mom and my lil sister just to be there cause its my JOB". Should i open my mouth now or just keep it to myself since the wedding is next week? I'm not tryin to be a bridezilla but I'm also tired of it being about her. I can only imagine what's she's gonna do at the wedding. I'm the push over so I never speak up which is why it continues.

**WildChild** · 04-09-2011 08:31 AM

A week away is a tough time to make changes.
If you tell her to forget it, is she likely to make a scene at/during the wedding?
Is she likely to make a scene at the reception? Get drunk and be a stinkpot?
Do you really need to have a maid of honor?
I would have whatever you were going to have her do, done by other people and leave it alone. That way if she flakes out you are covered. If she shows up and behaves you are cool and you have a maid of honor, if she doesn't no biggie. Is there someone you can ask to be her minder? Maybe two people and have them quietly be her own personal bouncer?

This is supposed to be you and your sweetie's day to publicly declare your love and intension to spend your lives together. It's really not about dresses, flowers, people standing around in lines. You need to do what will make this special for you.

**Kallygirlie** · 04-09-2011 09:41 AM

If she can do what she signed up to do, then I do want her as my MOH. I'm upset bc I moved heaven and earth to make her day special and I expected her to do the same. I'm not worried she'll act crazy or anything. I'm worried she's gonna bail at clean up time. Him and are are supposed to leave the reception knowing the bridal party will get things safely back to our house. I see her watching the others do the work or even taking items and keeping them for herself. The best man (which is female) has been great. We're trusting her with the keys to our house and in charge of making sure all things get to us. I just can't believe she would act this way

**jns** · 04-09-2011 10:04 AM

This one is a toughie. You are not going to be happy about it no matter what. Maybe you can ask a close relative to be ready to be an emergency stand-in if necessary. When a person takes on this responsibility, they have to rise to the occasion. I was the main usher at a friend's wedding years ago. I made it a point to talk to almost all of the guests during the reception and danced with a lot of the older ladies. Actually it was a lot of fun and the ladies loved it. I'm sorry your best friend is being petty. To be sure, she should ditch her mom and little sister to honor her friend (you). Its not like they are going to die or something. I would probably dump her from this and from my life, but that is just me.

**WildChild** · 04-09-2011 10:29 AM

Absolutely have a back up to back up your back up on the clean up an getting stuff back to your home. You have deposits and liability to deal with, not just gifts to worry about. This is why we have other people helping out, so the newly weds can concentrate on each other. You mentioned an aunt who pitched in. could she help out with this? We aunties (and uncles) are often more ready and willing to lend a hand than our nieces and nephews may realize.

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