This is taking over our relationship!!

**asiangrace** · 04-14-2011 08:06 PM

My boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years. We get along great, work through arguments, and all-in-all have had a honey moon of a two and a half years...

That is until he bought an XBox in December to play Halo. At first, it was just an hour or two a night here and there. Now it is EVERY SINGLE NIGHT FROM AFTER DINNER UNTIL HE GOES TO BED. I cannot remember our last real date night. To give him credit, he does run his own business so his days can be stressful. He works out every night before dinner, then he likes to play Halo to unwind. Which I guess I would rather him play Halo to unwind then out getting drunk or cheating or something.

Unfortunately, I am feeling majorly neglected. I do have my own hobbies, own group of girl friends, and school full-time so I do keep busy too on my own. But is it too much to ask for just ONE night?

Our standard conversation goes something like:
Me: "Hey, let's do something tonight!"
Him: "What do you want to do?"
Me: "Let's snuggle up and watch a movie!"
Him: "Hmmmm..Ok, but let me play just a few more games."

An hour later.

Me: "Are we going to watch a movie?"
Him: "yeah, in a little bit. I'm in a the middle of a big battle"

Another hour later.

This goes on until it's so late I need to go to bed. We've even moved in to separate bedrooms. At first we moved in to separate bedrooms because we both just sleep better in our own big beds. Now, it's because he stays up til 2 AM playing Halo and talking with his Halo buddies over a headset and I can't sleep.

He says stuff like, "I feel guilty for playing Halo and not spending time with you."
But nothing changes.

I FREAKING HATE THIS XBOX!!! I'm not asking for every night with him. I know it's important we keep our own hobbies. But I'm getting really lonely and frustrated. I'll even suggest dates and he'll be like, "Hm, I kind of wanted to play Halo tonight!"

I feel like saying, "It's either Halo or me. Take your pick."

What can I do??? Has anyone else experienced this??

**Texinator** · 04-14-2011 08:16 PM

Video games, especially multiplayer games like Halo in which you play with and against other people online, can be as addictive as anything. There are countless stories about people being addicted to something like World of Warcraft to the point where they lose their jobs and even get divorced, because they'd rather play online all day and spend their time in a fantasy world than deal with their responsibilities in the real world. It sounds as though he's caught up in Halo to the point where other areas of his life, especially his relationship with you, are starting to suffer.

I'd start by trying to set a schedule for him, giving him certain hours on certain days where he can play all the video games where he wants. If that doesn't work, it might be time to get rid of the Xbox.

**jns** · 04-14-2011 08:25 PM

I agree wholeheartedly with Tex. Video games can be very addictive. He needs to limit his playing time or quit it completely. I think quitting it completely will be better. Can you two go on vacation some time for a week or two? Go somewhere where there is no access to the internet. And if he replaces his wanting to play video games with playing with you, so much the better.

**asiangrace** · 04-14-2011 08:36 PM

Originally Posted by Tex

Video games, especially multiplayer games like Halo in which you play with and against other people online, can be as addictive as anything. There are countless stories about people being addicted to something like World of Warcraft to the point where they lose their jobs and even get divorced, because they'd rather play online all day and spend their time in a fantasy world than deal with their responsibilities in the real world. It sounds as though he's caught up in Halo to the point where other areas of his life, especially his relationship with you, are starting to suffer.

I'd start by trying to set a schedule for him, giving him certain hours on certain days where he can play all the video games where he wants. If that doesn't work, it might be time to get rid of the Xbox.

I never wanted to be the girl to give ultimatums, but it's looking like it's getting closer and closer to that point. "Me or the xbox"? Is that fair, though? I do not want to be controlling but I do have a feeling this game is becoming unhealthy. So far, his business has not suffered. He is really motivated with his business and it's thriving. I don't think he'll get to the point where he'll let his business slip through his fingers. But I also do not want him to let me slip through his fingers. I go out and spend time with my girlfriends all the time and I love the independence. But sometimes, I just want some quality time with my man with no mention of Halo! Over my spring break, he was good at spending time with me but I still felt like Halo was in the back of his mind. We'd watch a movie or go out and get ice cream but then as soon as it was done, he's pulling out the video game again. I feel like I'm the "duty" or the "chore." Like, he got his "chore" done so now he can play Halo in peace and can't be accused of not spending time with me.

**oxy-moron** · 04-16-2011 04:36 PM

Hi
Your boyfriend is showing signs of addictive behaviour.
I have noted from children that they eventually get bored with these games.
However you could try boosting his oxytocin levels- this has proven in numerous experiments to stop or diminish addictive behavior.
When he is playing give him a shoulder massage - do it for ten minutes each day.
This will hopefully diminish his interest in it.

**kczarny90** · 04-27-2011 10:10 AM

I have a boyfriend who loves to play video games alot too. There are a few things I have done that seems to help.

1. We plan at least a few date nights each month that is all about us.
2. on a day I know he was stressed at work I just let him play.
3. On days I feel that he is paying attention to much to the game I tell him. I usually say "You know you have been playing that game alot and I feel it is more important to you then me." usually my boyfriend will quit the game and we will watch tv or go on a walk.

I know you said your boyfriend works out, have you tried working out with him?

I would also say that you two should move back in the same bed together. It could help you connect better together.

Hope that helps!

**Crystalblue** · 04-27-2011 07:12 PM

My husband loved all the halo games when they first came out. He was playing allll the time. Eventually I got bored watching & he got me hooked on it too. I'm not into video games at all, but had a lot of fun with these, especially multiplayer. I got over it faster than he did though & there were lots of nights of going to bed without him, but after awhile, he lost interest in it, probably about the same time I stopped letting him wake me up for sex.

**jns** · 04-27-2011 07:17 PM

Originally Posted by asiangrace

I feel like I'm the "duty" or the "chore." Like, he got his "chore" done so now he can play Halo in peace and can't be accused of not spending time with me.

This is so wrong. He should play video games only when you are not interested in playing together. There is every last inch of your body to explore, has he done that and is he sure that nothing has changed in the last few days? Who needs an entertainment console?

**bunbun07** · 05-01-2011 12:06 PM

Sounds familiar XD Not to disrespect you or anything but this post just brings back memories of my boyfriend and I when we're just in our first year of our relationship. My boyfriend REALLY LOVES to play video games to the point where it made me upset and feel like he's choosing his video games over me. Just like you, I would rather see him play video games than to cheat on me. For that reason, it made me feel relieved that at least he's not like the other guys who have vices (girls, alcohol, drugs, and other stuff). It wasn't easy for me to understand him until I tried myself to watch him play, try one of his games, played it with him, and finally liked it. From there, I finally knew where he's coming from. I realized that playing video games especially after a hard day from school/work, can help us feel relaxed and can even serve as an escape from things that gives us stress. So instead of giving him a harder time when it should be our quality time together and he just wants to stay at home and play his video games, even though it's really hard not to feel bad, I just try my best to make him feel that I'm with him, that I understand him, and then allow him to play his video games as I watch him or even join in. Instead of thinking negatively whenever he just wants to stay at home and play, I try to spice it up and surprise him with different stuff (if you know what I mean). After that, the idea of him wanting to stay at home and play was never the same. If after all that you did to him (understanding, compromising, and all) didn't work, it pays off to have a good conversation with him. Try to talk things out with him and tell him how you feel about it and how it could possibly affect your relationship in the best way that you can without sounding like you're asking him to choose between you and his video games. If that still didn't work, I guess that your boyfriend is really obsessed in video games. In this case, that problem should be brought up to him before he loses track of his real life BUT IF IT DOES work after a while, then you shouldn't be worrying anymore about making game schedules for him and stuff because guys don't like that.

To make it short, if you think that he's not really obsessed about video games, he just wants it to unwind, then maybe you could try to play it with him and compromise/turn those game nights into your quality time together. Hope this helps!

**CaliGirl7** · 05-01-2011 06:38 PM

ohh my gosh my boyfriend does the same thing but with call of duty on his playstation! we've also been together for over 2 years and when we first got together it wasnt bad (then he had an XBOX) we were always doing things and then for his 21st bday the ps3 came out and i bought it for him and a game. Obviously when he first got it he was obsessed, which i could understand. so i figured ahh whatev he'll get over it. for months it consumed him, and drove me insane! finally it started really taking a toll and we werent seeing each other as much. We got into a huge argument one time about how all he wants to do is stay home and play his stupid game. I finally told him i couldn't take it anymore and that we need to spend time together and go on dates again otherwise whats even the point, why are we together. He very slowly started getting better, it took months! And now he plays once a week if even that. I had to get the ball rolling though, i would tell him like "hey babe thursday we are going bowling or wed. we are going to see that new movie" if you dont make the plans you know it will never get done, lol. good luck and i really do hope he gives it up cuz it is a super sucky situation.