Thread: He never knew what he had till i was gone

It's been my experience that people will change.. for a short period of time. Until they feel secure enough that they've hooked you again and then fall into old ways, usually without even realizing it. I know there are exceptions out there... but it would be really hard for me to believe that he could change over the course of a single day. Sounds like there were a lot of repeatedly negative actions/words aimed toward you for him to turn around THAT quickly.

Have you been able to talk to him about WHY he treated you that way? What were his justifications? If you WANT to try and make the relationship work I'd suggest maybe some couples counseling to him or something. If you really don't feel that he will change and don't feel it's worth waiting around to see... then I would say move on. It's really up to you. In situations where you're being demeaned or neglected it's definitely time to get "selfish" and think about your needs. So what do YOU want?

People don't change much. It sounds like he was a bit cruel and critical of you -- and those, hun, are character traits... errr flaws, really, but traits nonetheless. So while he may be lonely now that you've left... the likliehood of him treating you any better down the road is .. not that great.

A man that will pick apart the way you chew your food? Seriously... he's going to find wrong with anything you do... and don't you want to be loved for who you are? There are men out there that will love you , even if you aren't perfect, even if you chew your food like a raving lunatic, there is someone that will find it endearing

You shouldn't have to alter the essence of who you are to make someone else happy, for many reasons... but the big reason? It won't matter... they'll find something else wrong with you to pick at.

If you think he deserves another chance, give it a go... but do so with a very cautious heart. Do so knowing that theres a good chance he just realized that he did have something awesome and was being a jerk -- but there is just a good of a chance that he just realized he doesnt want to be alone -- and that having you around to pick at was better than picking at the dog for the way he yawns and whatnot.

Hi Jaygirl:

The trouble with coming from a bad relationship and jumping into another relationship quite quick are immense. Your insecurities and clinginess was not what the relationship needed in the first year. You were so desperate to marry him to satisfy your own needs that it bought other issues into the relationship like "I need you".....

Rather then take it easy, it was probably a very highly emotional situation which has effected the pair of you. It does sound like your fella is looking for excuses to get out of the relationship as he remembers the flaws from the beginning, its not quite what he wants. But then the pair of you are so emotionally involved he cannot let go and neither can you....hence his behavior change and constant harrassment at the moment.

Either way, whatever the pair of you decide you both have issues you need to deal with within. Perhaps take a break and work on yourselves, getting that "you" back and improving your confidence and self-esteem. Then if you decide you want a relationship again, communicate with each other and tell one another what you will not accept and what you want. No need to rush.....

Good luck.