Need advice on how to support my boyfriend!

**Ashleigh Jordan** · 04-24-2011 03:02 AM

Hey Everyone!

Kinda new here. This is my first post, although I've been a lurker for a little bit. The community seems really friendly so I figured I could consult you guys about this issue.

Basically, my boyfriend is a boxer and he wants me to attend his next fight. This would be his first fight I've ever attended (He hasn't started too long ago, 4-0) and the first fight I've attended period. I haven't been going to his last few because I'm already worried sick on the days he fights and I figured being there would only make it worse.

This time he's really adamant about me going though. Apparently, it's a pretty big fight for him as he's getting a shot at the title within his league and weight class due to his undefeated record thus far.

I agreed to go but I just had a few questions for the ladies on this forum. I'm really hoping someone has had a similar experience in dating a fighter, but even if not please feel free to contribute what you think.

1.) Do you think he's expecting me to be extremely vocal during the fight and cheer him on? Is that why he's inviting me? I mean that's pretty much my personality type, I'd have no problem doing that. My only issue is would being more vocal distract him any? I wouldn't want his mind to be on me when it should be on the fight, but at the same time I don't want it to look like I'm not supporting him. Especially, if he's having a hard time with his opponent. I want him to know I'm behind him.

2.) Not trying to be a pessimist, but if he loses how do I go about consoling him the best? Is there anything I should do or say that would make him feel better about it? I know my boyfriend and he has a pretty big ego, and I'd imagine he'd be really disappointed since it's such a big fight and he hasn't experienced a loss yet.

3.) Sex before the fight or no? I'm not sure about this one, initially I was going to try to really "send him off" if you know what I mean. Maybe even let him try a few new positions on me, but then I started thinking that this might distract him. The way I see it is that it's either gonna pump him up for the fight because he feels confident and sure of himself after pleasing his girlfriend in bed, or it's going to take his mind off the fight and possibly distract him. I'm not sure if the later is bad or good. It might be good to relax him and get his mind off of it, but not if that's going to make his performance suffer.

I also thought of possibly hinting at giving him a "night he'll never forget" if he wins the fight as a type of motivator, but it just feels kinda strange because that almost makes it seem like I'm holding sex at random. That's not the case at all, as I cherish any time I spent with him no matter what the occasion. I'm just trying to think of how I can help give him some extra motivation to help him in the fight.

Anyways, thanks in advance for any insight you guys can provide! If you can reply soon because the fight is in a couple of days!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-24-2011 03:31 AM

http://www.womens-health.com/boards/...-sex-life.html

Chloe, ChloeP, Jess.... Why oh why create an exact situation, thread...We already banned you......

Seems you really like this Forum, we called Troll..

Before I close it though, why not be honest? Open? And tell us really about yourself, why you need to visit Forums and troll post, are you really a male or a female and what do you get out of this?

This may be a chance to once in your lifetime, talk to people....

Off course, I wasn't going to allow 40 odd answers all helping "you" on a fictisious story but hey, maybe you need help and this is a Forum.

What happens from here is now up to you.

CW

**Hopeless Dork** · 04-24-2011 09:59 AM

You want to be supportive? Then don't bribe him with sex if he wins... or BETTER sex if he wins. Your love, and your sex with him shouldn't change regaurdless of win-loss stats... so why involve yourself? You have nothing to do with whats going on in the ring there, so offering yourself up as a prize for a win (or a lack of a prize for a loss) is artificially inserting yourself into a situation that has NOTHING to do with you, or your relationship with this man.

Are you a HUGE boxing fan? Are you dating him to live out some boxing movie fantasy where he is the hero? If not, if you are more grounded in reality than that... then you should support him at boxing, like you'd support him at ANY job.... by being there with a hug and kiss when he's let down... being proud of his efforts, encouraging him about next time -- and to cheer his success'. Same as anything else.

Lots of women date pro athletes and deal with the ego's and sensitivities of wins and losses but remain a safe haven away from all that stuff. If you thrust yourself into that world like you are his trainer -- deciding when to give him goodies based on his fights and wins -- then you will no longer be that supportive gf, you will just be part of his job.

Let him decide whats best for his performance as far as sex before the fight. Most fighters probably wouldnt want to orgasm before going into the ring... feeling all relaxed and lazy -- they'd want to be pumped up and energetic.

Take a look at the typical man before sex, then after... dozing on to their pillow

Common sense would say... he shouldn't pop off before a fight. But all boxers, fighters, trainers have ideas about all this and figure out what works for them, talk to him about what he wants... if he wants a back rub the night before a fight... or for you to please him and de-stress him. He will know whether or not he'd rather be amped on testosterone or mellowed out.

If he was not a fighter and worked at an office -- you wouldn't thrust yourself into the situation. You wouldn't say 'bob... if you don't meet your deadline this friday on the johnson account i am not having sex with you'. Or 'bob... if you get recognized in today's meeting I am going to rock your socks off tonight!!'. You just wouldn't. His fighting is a job like any other.

If he wants you to go, show up. Don't be screaming at him like one of those crazy parents at a little league game... don't hide in the background, just attend, cheer for him like everyone else... and be in the wings to kiss him and hug him when its all said and done. If you don't want to see him engaged in a fight... let him know you will attend but that you want to wait in the locker room for him.

I suspect though, like CW... that perhaps none of this is real. Its just a set up. Like the last post. Where he loses and you lose interest in him because of it and blah blah blah.

But if any of this is actually applying to your real life -- realize life isn't a rocky movie, you don't have to equate his manhood with how well he does in the ring. You don't have to supperimpose yourself into some crazy fantasy where what you do or don't do is making the difference in how well he performs. If you love him, just support him by staying out of it as far as rewards and prizes go. Root for him to succeed, remind him of his efforts when he falls, and show him that what you feel for him remains unchanged... whether he wins or loses.

**WildChild** · 04-24-2011 10:20 AM

Um I thought we had pretty much established that this individual was a back door (pardon the pun) promoter for a particular genre of porn?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-24-2011 04:03 PM

Well maybe

That was our guess, and I am sure we are right, but you know, either way I can't see Ms Chloe trying that again I mean surely you don't post the exact same context to create a lead up to promoting that and expect us Mods don't remember I mean we are the best Mods on any Forum, we remember all

**Ashleigh Jordan** · 04-29-2011 12:10 AM

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

You want to be supportive? Then don't bribe him with sex if he wins... or BETTER sex if he wins. Your love, and your sex with him shouldn't change regaurdless of win-loss stats... so why involve yourself? You have nothing to do with whats going on in the ring there, so offering yourself up as a prize for a win (or a lack of a prize for a loss) is artificially inserting yourself into a situation that has NOTHING to do with you, or your relationship with this man.

Are you a HUGE boxing fan? Are you dating him to live out some boxing movie fantasy where he is the hero? If not, if you are more grounded in reality than that... then you should support him at boxing, like you'd support him at ANY job.... by being there with a hug and kiss when he's let down... being proud of his efforts, encouraging him about next time -- and to cheer his success'. Same as anything else.

Lots of women date pro athletes and deal with the ego's and sensitivities of wins and losses but remain a safe haven away from all that stuff. If you thrust yourself into that world like you are his trainer -- deciding when to give him goodies based on his fights and wins -- then you will no longer be that supportive gf, you will just be part of his job.

Let him decide whats best for his performance as far as sex before the fight. Most fighters probably wouldnt want to orgasm before going into the ring... feeling all relaxed and lazy -- they'd want to be pumped up and energetic.

Take a look at the typical man before sex, then after... dozing on to their pillow

Common sense would say... he shouldn't pop off before a fight. But all boxers, fighters, trainers have ideas about all this and figure out what works for them, talk to him about what he wants... if he wants a back rub the night before a fight... or for you to please him and de-stress him. He will know whether or not he'd rather be amped on testosterone or mellowed out.

If he was not a fighter and worked at an office -- you wouldn't thrust yourself into the situation. You wouldn't say 'bob... if you don't meet your deadline this friday on the johnson account i am not having sex with you'. Or 'bob... if you get recognized in today's meeting I am going to rock your socks off tonight!!'. You just wouldn't. His fighting is a job like any other.

If he wants you to go, show up. Don't be screaming at him like one of those crazy parents at a little league game... don't hide in the background, just attend, cheer for him like everyone else... and be in the wings to kiss him and hug him when its all said and done. If you don't want to see him engaged in a fight... let him know you will attend but that you want to wait in the locker room for him.

I suspect though, like CW... that perhaps none of this is real. Its just a set up. Like the last post. Where he loses and you lose interest in him because of it and blah blah blah.

But if any of this is actually applying to your real life -- realize life isn't a rocky movie, you don't have to equate his manhood with how well he does in the ring. You don't have to supperimpose yourself into some crazy fantasy where what you do or don't do is making the difference in how well he performs. If you love him, just support him by staying out of it as far as rewards and prizes go. Root for him to succeed, remind him of his efforts when he falls, and show him that what you feel for him remains unchanged... whether he wins or loses.

Heyy, Hopeless Dork just wanted to thank you for your response. Your the only one that tried to answer my question!

I know what you mean about offering myself as a "prize". That's why I didn't end up going that route with the encouragement. All I was trying to do originally was kinda overstep the boundaries abit to give him a temporary advantage, that's all. I just want to see him do well and try to help him in every way possible. I guess supporting him just like I would in any other career just doesn't seem like enough. I mean it just seems to me that because fighting is so much more competitive than other jobs he might need an extra bit of help or boost to stay motivated all the time.

I'm going to go to his match and just do my best to be myself no matter whats going on. I guess he can't fault me for that, right? : )

I talked to him about the sex the night before and he was really into the idea. I never realized how much it affected him or I would have made it a tradition a while ago. To him it's actually a fantasy, as silly as it may sound, to him sex before a like a send off into battle. It actually turned into a role playing scenario where he was a gladiator and we were sharing a passionate night before his big fight. I'm really glad we opted to try it out, the sex was absolutely mind blowing and I think exploring his fantasy really brought us closer as a couple. Things went so well we even explored anal sex together for the first time. That's a huge step for us as my boyfriend has been wanting to experiment for a while now, but I just never felt comfortable until he opened up to me like he did. It went well for the most part, despite being a little painful, but he was very gentle and sweet about it so I was able to put up with a small amount of pain to fulfill a desire of his that he's had for a while. After all, practice makes perfect, right? : )

As far as the rest of you guys comparing me to this "Chloe" girl I can certainly understand why you'd think that due to the nature of her post, but why would you guys think the person would come back on the forum and try to post a similar story? Seems like a waste of time to me.

I'm not even sure that entire story was made up after reading everything in the link. I mean it did get a little crazy towards the end, but I can't help but think at least some of it was true. I mean it would have taken a tremendous amount of effort to fabricate that entire story just for a joke. Reading it actually kinda scared me a bit. If she wasn't making it up, at least in the beginning, it sounds like she and her boyfriend had horrible experiences with fighting. I really hope nothing similar happens in my situation, but I'm confident my boyfriend and I are strong enough to overcome a bit of adversity if it does come our way. : )

Anyways, the fight is tomorrow so I just wanted to check in and see if any last minute advice got posted. Thanks for the advice I received, I'm very grateful some of you guys helped despite being suspicious. I guess I get back to you guys and let you know how everything went after the fight.

<3 Ashleigh : )