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Thread: why would he masturbate rather than having sex with me ????

  1. 04-24-2011 03:53 PM #1
    seena
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    Default why would he masturbate rather than having sex with me ????

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    so here is the story... i have been with my boyfriend for a few years now and we are both in our mid-late 20's. we have had problems with out sex life for a while where he thinks i demand sex too much but he always masturbates or watches porn. this morning we had sex and the thing is that most of the time i want to have sex is that he wont feel like he needs to do all the other stuff . so this morning we had sex after we were done he went to the bathroom to clean up or what not and masturbated when he clearly had been satisfied while we had sex. I was SOOOO HURT when i saw that and i know when he masturbates bc he turns on the water and I could hear him . I have asked him a few times but every time he denies it. it was so hurtful this morning bc i knew he did it or when he woke up in the morning or before he goes to sleep when i am not with him most of the time but i dont see why he would want to do that when he has a gf that is totally willing to do whatever he wants sexually to keep the sex life good!!!! i can understand if a gf was the type that was like a dead fish and dosent really do anything but not when she is HOT and is willing to do whatever to please you... I just need some advise here. I dont know what to think. I am so hurt this is been going on for a while and it dosent seem to be getting better. Sex is a big BIG deal for me in relationship and i feel so insecure by all of this. I know its not me but why? why would the person go and masturbate right after sex if they were not done why did they not continue to have sex?????
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  2. 04-24-2011 04:21 PM #2
    jns
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    His brain chemicals have him addicted to masturbation and porn. Manipulation with his hand feels better for him. Does he keep porn in the bathroom? Try going somewhere remote with no computers, no phones and no pictures of porn. It will have to be at least a couple of weeks to break the addiction. Retrain him to be addicted to you. Make sure no porn or sexual contact including things like texting with others. Then he may be free of his addiction. He will most likely have more than enough drive to have sex afterward. Otherwise, you can do better. Guys usually don't change.
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  3. 04-24-2011 04:32 PM #3
    seena
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    i dont think he is addicted to it rather it has become a habitual thing for him... no he does not take it in the bathroom i would totally leave him if that was the case ... We dont live together but are with one another 90% of the time when we are not working so i wouldnt be able to control him in that sense and i honestly feel that if i did ask for him to stop or make him how would i know that he wasnt doing it ? we are both very familiar with comp. and if we wanted to we could easily destroy every evidence of the history without either one of us knowing of it... i honestly dont know what to do ... this is really hurting our relationship and creating a lot of conflict... this morning i asked him after the incident why? if he wasnt satisfied he said " its different" i watch porn and masturbate and thats that but its not like i do it everyday" i know if he could he would but its just the matter that i feel like I am the only one insisting to have sex and him always just going along with it , i feel that he gets more satisfaction from masturbating ...
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  4. 04-24-2011 04:41 PM #4
    BabyGirl
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    Have you tried Masturbating him yourself ?

    Like right after you make Love.. Have a Warm Bowl of Water and a Washcloth next to the bed. As soon as you catch your breath, Take the Washcloth, dip it in the warm water and Clean him up yourself, after he's clean, Continue to Stroke him until he's hard again, you can use oral if you wish, but even a nice slow Hand Job might might get him satisfied a second time around.
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  5. 04-24-2011 04:45 PM #5
    seena
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    YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. I have tried even giving oral before we even wake up, that was the case of this morning thats how it started and followed by sex but still having to masturbate after i just didnt understand AT ALL. i am telling you there is nothing that he could possibly say i havent done or didnt please him. i dont know what to say
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  6. 04-24-2011 11:15 PM #6
    rcoreyus
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    I don't object to someone watching porn when their SO doesn't want to have sex with them. In this case though, he is masturbating to porn RATHER than having a good sex life with you. This is nothing that you are doing wrong - the problem is entirely his. I'm afraid I don't have any helpful suggestions.
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  7. 04-25-2011 08:15 AM #7
    WildChild
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    Go find the site, Your Brain On Porn, there is a lot of written material and a 6 part video series. It explains what this type of stimulation does to the wiring in the brain, what is involved for a person to withdraw from it, and why things like having a willing and ready and eager partner do not out weight the desire to masturbate to porn.
    We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
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  8. 04-25-2011 11:20 PM #8
    oxy-moron
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    Hi
    Once you have bee to the Your Brain On Porn site go to its sister site- reunitting
    You will see why why relationships break down over time- and how many civilisations have noted the reason and what they did to turn things around.
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