Some bad, some good, but progress all the same...

**MarkT** · 04-29-2011 07:21 AM

Things have been going pretty good, I thought and getting back on the right track. Well as everyone here knows, I've been putting my heart and soul into this marriage. No, I'm not perfect, FAR from it. But I'm taking on more and more of the household duties.
With her family not showing affection as a child growing up, I think she is scared to death of the deep love I have for her. Everytime I try to get close, she runs or makes excuses. I never knew she didn't like her neck kissed, this after 12 1/2 years of marriage. You'd think I'd know that by now. Just as I get to know the rules of this game, they get changed.
The text this morning, back and forth- Her coworker, who works under her won't be in today so she doesn't have time to send me a text or call. I'm thinking about her breaks and lunch. Yet, she can't take the time to text; "Luv U"? 2 seconds at the most? I said that she has almost waited to long for this to work out- no response. Alrighty Then... I'm feeling like I'm on constant hold, or I'm just cast aside. It sure doesn't feel very good, I'll tell ya.
I'm not even down about it all, it's the usual same old thing I always get from her.
From what I've been told here, what woman wouldn't like the things I do and say? I just don't understand. Who wouldn't appreciate the effort I'm making to be a better man for his wife or gf? Who wouldn't like to held in my arms and hear the loving things I feel in my heart, honestly, what woman wouldn't like to be told and feel like she is the center of my universe? I'll keep plugging away at this and I'm still not willing to give it up yet, just too much at stake and who would want an old broken down mule when there are standing studs around every corner. I'm trying my heart out here and still pushed away from affection- forget the sex part.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 04-29-2011 07:25 AM

Sorry you're having a rough go of it this morning. I know it's frustrating when someone doesn't reciprocate your affections. I haven't read all your posts and don't know every detail of the history of your marriage, but it seems like you two are very different in regards to affection and what you think a marriage should be.

She has her focus elsewhere, on the areas that cause her the most stress. I know that sounds backwards, but I think it's pretty natural. Try not to let it ruin your day. Try to ease up and sit back, be yourself, treat her right, and don't drill it every day (setting yourself up for feelings of rejection). And avoid text wars. They are never good.

**pretzel** · 04-29-2011 07:42 AM

Mark, BD is absolutely right.

Today could just very easily be one of those days. We all have them.

**MarkT** · 04-29-2011 08:46 AM

That's true, and I have had my share of them. I still do the things I have started, ie. dishes and housework. I know everyday can't be a honeymoon, but everyday can't be an arguement either. I'm not down about it today and starting to realize that she may have changed enough over 12 1/2 years and we have grown in opposite directions that it may just not work no matter how hard I work at it or how much I love her.
Today I'm kind of nonchalant(sp?) over it all.
Dr's appt today at noon for the pain I've been having right before these storms. Can't figure out why my joints swell so much, can barely move my hands, back killing me and every bone that has been broken in the past screaming at me. It only happens before a storm comes in, I can predict them 95% of the time.

She might have woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I do sometimes too- I just don't understand how she can say she loves me one minute and push me away the next, I'm So Confused about it all.
What I'd give for a woman that just truly and honestly loved me just as I am with all of my faults and all of feelings. Wish I had that, my life would be so complete and I hope she would be So happy in my arms.
It sounds like I'm down today, but I'm not. I'm actually happy I got the chance to wake up, drink a little coffee and spend just a little bit of time with my friends here. You guys and Ladies are a very important part of my day and hope everyone has a Great day! Mine will be filled with waiting for the doc to come into the room and a lot of hard work this afternoon.
With all of this in mind....
Love ya,
Mark

**WildChild** · 04-29-2011 09:17 AM

Mark you have too much time on your hands. Get busy. Find something to do. Clean out the closets, go work on that garden.

If you have fun sexy texts all day, every day, they will start to become per functionary and that will get boring. So get your idle hands busy and quiet your busy brain and see if you can think up something special or fun for the week end. It's Beltaine on Saturday and May Day on the 1st. Beltaine traditions include bonfires and flowers. Native American traditions include honoring the plant and animal spirits. How about creating your own celebration? A trip to visit flowering gardens? Grilling?

Instead of being in a sulk when your wife gets home, be full of fun?!

**rcoreyus** · 04-29-2011 12:16 PM

I'll say it again, MarkT, its not your fault or anything you are doing - it is her fault. I don't think you can fix this.

**oxy-moron** · 05-01-2011 12:47 AM

Mark
Try apple cider vinegar- it is great for joint pain and stomach complaints.

How to Use Apple Cider to Relieve Joint Pain

All of the benefits of apple cider vinegar can only be achieved with vinegar that is organic, raw, unfiltered and unprocessed. Your apple cider vinegar should be ruddy-colored with a noticeable amount of residue floating around in the bottle. This is the "mother," the natural accumulation of beneficial enzymes and nutrients. Apple cider vinegar in any other form, including pills, is inferior and much less effective.

The simplest way to incorporate apple cider vinegar into your diet is to mix 1-3 teaspoons in eight ounces of water three times per day, preferably just before meals. You can sweeten the drink with a small amount of honey or stevia if you like.

Give it a try- it is known to work within weeks. Rince your mouth with water directly after you have taken it.

**MarkT** · 05-01-2011 07:09 AM

Or so it seems. Woke up this morning erect as usual, (no surprise there huh), wife snuggled up to me. All is going great and I finally notice she isn't wearing any undies- OH MY! Well we start kissing and snuggling and end up almost in the best of ways! Her body- totally unresponsive, now I feel like total poo- can't even excite my wife. So, I get upset and start crying because my wife is mentally willing and I know I'm not doing anything for her, no matter how hard I try. No hands down there or face down there as she gets very angry when I even try that. I'm just brokenhearted knowing that she isn't turned on by me at all. I know it took us 12 years to get to this point and it's going to take probably just as long to get back to where we were when we were dating. This really sucks, I'm hurt and shut down now and she wants to talk? What the ? At this rate my sex drive is starting to go down even with the Cialis. I don't even see a benefit from taking it at this point, unless I'm going to still tale care of my own sexual urges. Feel like total carp today-

**MarkT** · 05-01-2011 07:18 AM

After 4 1/2 years of being a non smoker, I'm thinking I might as well start up again. It's the only thing I used to do that I really enjoyed and I quit when my doc said I had the lungs of a 60 yr old. She told me this morning that I would miss out on our son's adult life, bit never mentioned our future together. Maybe she really Is done with me. At any rate, if I make it to 60 which is only 14 years away, my body will be that of an 80 yr old. I really doubt that she would even miss me. My son would be the only one hurt over it.
Beer this morning for breakfast, might as well be numb today, heart hurts too much.