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Thread: Dumped.. again! what the is wrong with me?

  1. #1
    Junior Member Array Buttercup123's Avatar
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    May 2011
    East Anglia

    Default Dumped.. again! what the is wrong with me?

    Only about a month ago my boyfriend (technically now my ex) dumped me without actually giving me any reason. It all came out a few weeks after and then I finally understood why he did it. It then came to a month of us splitting up, and he started seeing me again being all cuddly when he was over mine, etc. The day we got back together, he told me that during the month we were apart, he had a house party and he invited his mates, who invited this girl that fancied the pants off of him! Apparently nothing happened but she had no way of getting home so she had to stay at his (although he says they were in separate rooms and whatever).

    Because I wanted him back to much I didn't care, I just took him back and everything was back to being perfect. We would argue every now and then but what relationships doesn't have arguing you know? Anyway, yesterday I woke up in a bit of a grump ad he didn't like it. So he finished it, didn't give me a reason he just said he wasn't happy and the whole second chance thing wasn't working out. I'm obviously hurt by this, once again. Last night he kept saying he was gonna come and see me and then kept changing his mind, he never did come over. I text him saying 'Why are you doing this to me you promised me you wouldn't leave me again' to which I got a reply off of him saying "I lied."

    I haven't heard off him since that text and I just don't know what to do. Do I text him? Or do I ignore him and wait for him to text me? I don't want to never speak to him again incase he moves on, but I don't want to be the one that has to talk to him first?
    Or am I honestly better off without him and to find someone else? Even though I really don't want to do that, I thought we were made for eachother..

    Pleaseeee help!!

  2. #2
    WH Head Moderator Array WildChild's Avatar
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    Sounds like its time to move on.
    What he did while you were broken up has nothing to do with anything. Its not your business.
    He doesn't seem to know what he wants but you don't need this on again, off again stuff, do you?
    Get your good self out and about and work on what you want.
    We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer

  3. #3
    jns is offline
    Triple Diamond Member (3,000+ posts & member 3 years+) Array jns's Avatar
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    Mar 2010
    LA, CA


    It sounds like he doesn't like to communicate when he is done with someone. It is probably best to move on, to find someone who really wants to be with you and who won't give up so easily.
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    Patrick Henry

  4. #4
    WH Super Moderator Array Hopeless Dork's Avatar
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    Dec 2008
    United States


    You say that you don't want to NOT talk to him, in case he moves on... but it sounds like... he's moved on despite the fact your talking to him, not talking to him is a fairly moot point in regaurds to whether or not he will move on. It sounds like you really want this to work out with him, you are willing to put your feelings aside, to swallow your pride and suck it up or to stand by quietly while he figures it out -- anything possible to keep this man in your life.

    He just told you that he LIED... when he said he wouldn't leave you. If he makes up with you again, and he feels like it again, he will leave again, and you will be right back to this position. A pattern is being established. He can come to you when he wants to be with you, and you will forgive him whatever in order to be with him. He will leave when he wants, knowing, she'll be there.

    My question to you is: why do you want to be there? What is it about this guy that makes you feel its worth sitting on pins and needles and stressing out over? Is it the idea of a relationship with him? Or is it him? Because from what you've said he doesn't sound worth all this heartache and headache.

    I think rather than sitting by a window hoping he doesn't move on, that you... should instead, move on. To some guy that actually wants to be with you and doesn't flip flop and put you through all this.
    Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

  5. #5
    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array spurzzz's Avatar
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    Mar 2011
    London, UK


    I don't want to never speak to him again incase he moves on
    He already has hasen't he? He was never really with you from the start to be honest, it just sounds like he was passing time with you. Do you honestly think he cares about you because he can be smoochy smoochy with his hugs and kisses and i really like you darling blah de blah blah

    Wake up.

    He doesn't respect you and never will. Why? Because you keep letting him treat you like dirt and let him get away with it. He knows your weak and can shag who he wants when he wants and the "coward" will always take him back. Have some self respect and see this idiot for what he is...........move on.

    You want drama? Watch a soap opera or Jerry Springer.
    Get some self esteem and find a partner who will treat you with respect and love you through his actions and words.......
    I am going to tell you what you don't want to hear!
    Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't

  6. #6
    WH Super Moderator Array caterpillar79's Avatar
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    OP, taking him back that soon is not a good step. What happened had happened, the pattern has been set, there's no going back. NOW is the time for you to put your foot down and save your heart - MOVE ON.

    Go out with friends, pursue a new hobby and change (your hair style, wardrobe, nail polish, etc....especially how you deal with guys). Not saying that yours is not, but maybe you have to set your price tag higher - let the man pursue you, initiate calls and all. When break - ups come up, never call the man. Let him be, meanwhile, you go out and enjoy yourself with caring friends.

    If you need to see a counselor, do so. Work on your self-esteem, exercise, revamp your diet, and read self-help books and do not get back with a certified A-hole like your ex. You deserve better.
    What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility. - Leo Tolstoy

    The clearest explanation for failure of any marriage is that two people are incompatible; that is, one is male and the other female. - Anna Quindlen

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