emotionally abusive friend. I'm drained.
this is a five and a half year story. we started dating, he fell prettynquickly and he made me also (past relationships never fell easy) he made me believe I was his soulmate and madly in love. he left me saying he had a connection with another woman. I cut him off. he comes back and this is where the friendship begins but leads me to believe he always wants more. the constant cycle of being the best thing in his life to the crazy psycho he cuts off continues. every time it leads me to doubt myself and my own sanity more and more.
our time is really only his time. I feel I am always being tested. he tells me I over react and that I'm too emotional. if he wants to send me explicit text messages but if I do he tells me we are platonic so stop. if he wants to make out okay but if I say I have more feelings for you in comparison to my other male friends, I'm a crazy pyscho. I am so hurt by this and I can't believe it only took me five years to finally see the light that I am not the problem. I am surrounded by a lot of friends, he keeps his friends at a distance and drops them very quickly. he has been in and out of "relationships" for five years, 7 is what I count but hey there can be more. he is a serial dater. he changes jobs, goals, living situations frequently as if he will never be satisfied.
he told me we could really never date because he doesn't want to hurt me and to trust him that he has hurt a lot of girls but then goes to say he would never date me because he doesn't date Italians anymore and that I'm too emotional.
I realized the abuse on wednesday when he called me over a Facebook post and screamed at me to the point of my voice shaking in repines, he apologized later that night and told me how beautiful I was. we made plans to see each other last night Saturday and he cancelled Friday afternoon telling me he would call later, never called. so I sent a text Saturday afternoon and I did cause a fight but I am sick of being the one put on the back burner while blatantly being disrespected. I told him he is emotionally abusive and that I would never date him because if the abuse. I told him I would stick by his side and help him realize the abuse and how much it really hurts a person and he flipped out on me.
his reaction was extremely childish and also frighten. he told me I was a crazy pyscho and that I was really a piece of work for thinking he had some sort of disorder. he told me he never wants to speak to me again, blocked me from facebook and said if I ever text him again he will open a stalker file case against me. I can't talk to my friends about this because they have seen how he has acted in the past and if they knew I was even talking to him would probably be angry. but he always had a sweet way of coming back into my life making me believe he has changed and he is really coming around.
I'm so hurt by this and wish we could talk about it but he is giving me the silent treatment and cut off.
does he any remorse or does he have any sort of feeling that got him thinking that what he has done has caused so much emotional draining that i think will take years to recover? will he come back? always feel like it's the last time we talk but it never is? do you think he may be bipolar? I feel so bad that he treats people like this, I wish I could help.
I also feel that this reaction could be caused by the fact that I stood up for myself, calling him out on the abuse.
we have great chemistry and share similar, random interests. I'm just really hurt that someone that claims to really care about treat you and drop you so quickly. i feel trapped that I will never be happy and move on. people say I need to put myself out there and date but I'm scared.
Abusers get mad when they are called out. It seems like you already have this guy figured out: He's insecure, he's abusive, he has some kind of personality disorder. Do yourself a favor and listen to only one thing he told you to do: don't talk to him anymore.
I guarantee you that he will come back. I experienced a similar situation when I was a teenager, and he STILL keeps coming back. You will learn to see through his lies. And the first time that you are immediately sure he is lying, it will hurt. This whole situation will probably keep hurting for a while.
You probably don't need to put yourself out there and date. This guy really tore you up and you may be right to be scared. Something I've found is that men who want to dominate a woman have a way of "sniffing out" those who have been hurt. Take a set amount of time to yourself (a month, 3 months, a year) before you revisit the idea of dating. Let us know how it goes. Good luck!
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the last time I saw him he was extremely skinny and seemed distant, when I asked him what was wrong he sighed and said nothing but I could tell and just said it's nothing it's just been a really tough couple of years. he through periods of extreme weight loss and then switching to gaining muscle.
I know he was arrested and got a couple of girls pregnant, I feel like he tells me things because he trust me but some things, I don't think I need to know.
I'm so confused!
Welcome to the forum
Oh my goodness. He really does have you wrapped around his little finger doesn't he?
I doubt it very much.Originally Posted by notbroken
Why on earth would you want him to? Think of this as a lucky break, time to move on, time to begin your life. He could be bipolar, but this doesnt really excuse his behaviour and to be honest, I very much doubt he is. I'm guessing that he is just a pig (sorry). Why do you feel bad that he treats people like he does? Its NOT your fault, you dont control his actions.
Your post is very contradictory. Youre sick of being disrespected but you wish that you could both talk about it. He is taking advantage of your good nature and quite frankly abusing it.
You will, of course, be happy and move on - IF you erase this man out of your life. Please please let that sink in a moment. You don't need to hurry on the dating scene, i'd suggest building your confidence first so that you dont fall back into the trap of an emotional abuser. What are you scared of? The unfamilar feeling of not having him around? Do you not believe that you'd be happier without him?
“As you regonise that you already own the wholeness you seek, and no one outside you can give you more than you already are, dysfunctional situations will evaporate like bad dreams exposed to the morning sun.”
thanks little..I am definitely not going to contact him..I had to change my phone number the last time this happened 10 months ago.
thanks miffed23 ..I'm glad I found this site. I guess it is the unfamiliar feeling of him not being around because the good times were good and the similarities were there. I'm also not so young we are both in our 30's. I guess I do want him too, to see if what I said sunk in and he gets the help he needs. after not taking the last time, I did notice a small change in him. he called when he said he would, text me , send me messages. just this last week is when I felt he was putting me under another test and seeing how far he could push me. he says I create the drama and I'm impatient but in all honesty I am patient, compassionate, empathic and sincere girl. I love to watch sports just as much as watching the notebook. I will drink a beer out of a can while wearing five inch stilettos. im active and take good care of myself. I'm funny and I don't take things so seriously. I keep myself busy with hobbies, friends and family. but with him he makes me feel like I'm going insane because he doesn't recognize those things. we did Spend an entire night texting each other during a basketball game and thought I love this! because he tended to only to see how he made me react to his emotional abuse, focusing on the bad.
he is very insecure and controlling but I just tended to focus on his positive attributes because I don't believe people are perfect.
I guess I dint want to believe he played mind games with me and didn't care, it is a hard blow.
Sure, it is difficult to take on board and that's why i'm being straight to the point with you.
No doubt that you did have good times, but surely the bad times outweight these? The thing is, people like this wont change (unless they really want to) and all you are doing is feeding his behaviour. Youre allowing him to pick you up and put you back down with a thump as and when he wants. He'll get a kick out of this, knowing that you'll always come back. Help him by not coming back, let him learn his lessons.
You dont create the drama and you know this deep down. He will never take any responsibility for his actions when he has someone to blame. Just be conscious not to fall into similar traps with future men. You need to focus on the negatives, there are plenty of genuine men about, ones that wont use you.
“As you regonise that you already own the wholeness you seek, and no one outside you can give you more than you already are, dysfunctional situations will evaporate like bad dreams exposed to the morning sun.”
but why the threats? the name calling? inability to connect to people emotionally? just walking out of persons life so rapidly with so much anger? I have been nothing but honest and nice with this man. accommodating and being there to work things out when they get weird.
he also lives twomhours away but we are from the same home town with mutual friends. I told him I would never come between his social or work life but would like to spend more face to face time. I have a car two hours is not a long drive where I'm from.
These people are right. Take advantage of that state. Do anything to keep yourself distracted and think any others thoughts besides that guy. Keep in mind, you're not a psycho, he is! So use this time for self-healing and do things that will make you feel good about yourself like self-pampering at a spa, hanging out with your friends, or maybe in a few months when you're ready after keeping yourself occupied, find another guy. If he ever tries to contact you again, try to avoid him as much as possible. Based on your info of the guy it won't be long till he comes back and I think he has a disorder. He seems imbalanced and seems like he needs many girls to keep himself feel confident.
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