Thread: my boyfriend cant keep it up, helpppp!

Originally Posted by ladidadida

so we have been together for about 6 months now, everythings amazing, when we first started having sex it seemed to be fine he was the one initiating it, but there always seemed to be a problem, he couldnt keep it up, but he would still try, basically now its come to a point where theres no intimacy what so ever, and its not only frustrating but it hurts, ive sat there crying and crying about it, i dont know what to do, he kept telling me its not me and that he had this problem with past partners, and that its him, and then he finally admitted the reason he stopped having sex it cause he doesnt think about it cause every time he does he thinks of him not being able to perform so he just completely excludes sex from his life, not just sex any intimacy at all. once he admitted it we got to talking, and i asked him to go to the doctor, to see what could be causing it, he asked me to go with him, and im more than supportive of it, ive tried helping him, telling him it doesnt matter, making him feel good about himself and his performance, and i cant keep my hands off him so i basically shut myself down.

i need help ladies. i dont know what to do, i cant think of anything else, i love him and i dont want to let this stupid thing ruin our relationship,

Hi, I feel for you. I've been in a relationship with someone for FOUR YEARS who has ..sexual difficulties. He has a major problem staying ..hard.. during sex and over 3/4 of the time can't ..finish. He's had this problem in past relationships too. Sex with him is so difficult. He isn't open to various positions.. just wants to lay on his side and barely move. If he does exert himself at all he is winded and sweaty in 5-10 minutes and just eventually loses the erection anyway. (He's not overweight or out of shape really). He also has a benign cyst in his testcle, and two other benign medical problems down there that periodically give him some mild discomfort. But the doctors said nothing to be done. I understand how you feel because although i love him very much, it has GREATLY affected our relationship. We basically don't have sex anymore. He won't acknowledge these things I've described as the reason why. He claims it's because when we fight (which we do a lot these days), it mentally turns him off from wanting to have sex. Period. (So it's basically all MY fault). I don't deny there could be some validity to our negative interactions getting in the way, but I also know that looong before we really started having relationship problems, he still had major sex problems. I have no idea what to do about it. It seems there is nothing I can do. I've never had 'makeup' sex with this person in 4 years!!!!

For you, I think there is more hope! If his issue is because his mind is getting the better of him, this could be worked on. Maybe therapy? Sex therapy? Have you tried to extend the foreplay? Play some music that turns you both on, take it nice and slow so he doesn't feel any mental 'pressure'...? Just some ideas. Best of luck.