How to fix our relationship.

**Ruthy** · 06-06-2011 09:26 PM

I posted something earlier in a diffrent forum that led me to think of this one.

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 4 years (weve been together for 5-6 yrs) Were both 20 years old. I moved in with him over two years ago. First we kinda lived at his and his dads house (I was still partly living at my parents house then aswell) for over 3 months, then my parents wanted us to move back home, so we lived there for 9 months, but my boyfriend didnt like it there so now we have been living at his dads house for over a year now. I absolutly hate it here, and this is a big part of my unhappiness.

We used to have sex alot, but now we only have it like 1-2 times a week. He gets mad at me because I dont ever want to have sex. Ive told him its not that I dont want it, its just that I dont have it on my mind. And when we do have sex (and I wasnt really planning on it) Im totaly not into it. He gets mad because in the morning he says he tries, but I just keep sleeping (not my fault)

He also plays alot of Playstation and doesnt pay any attention to me, he rarley says I love you, and never really complents me. How could sex be on my mind, if there is nothing sexy to think about. I do agree, I could do my hair more and makeup to look nicer to get complents.

Im always lending him money. i get the "Ill pay you back I promis" speel, but then when I nag about it he gets all moody. I am ove 1800 dollars in debt and most of its from him. When ever we have a garage sale and we sell anything that was "mine" he claims the money because it was ours.. but I never see any of it.

I pay for pretty much everything. I dont even have a good job. I pay for all the groceries, and I used to pay for the gas in the car I never drive. Hes now paying for it so thats nice. Ive bought a 1000 dollar tv for xmas, all of our furntre and pets. Toothpaste, deoderant EVERYTHING

He gets mad at me for not being able to read his mind. He wont talk to me for hours.. as of latly.. days. Ill get a few word out of him. I because i need him to tell me whats wrong, but then he gets mad cuz im ing at him.

Also I got a brand new car last March, Since last august, I havent been able to drive wen I want to, My boyfriend says he needs it to get out to work. Its my car and I never get to drive it.

I have to watch everthing I say, If I kid about something that is true (we both know it) he gets pissed and wont talk to me. He got mad at me the other day because we were having a garage sale and I wouldnet sell something that was my parents.. It wasnt mine to sell. He wouldent let me sell anything of his parents, so why am I aloud to sell something of mine

I know this is only myside of the story, but I need help. Ill tell you everything he thinks about me (or atleast what he says)

I dont ever think about sex, I always and complain about everything. I dont do my make up and hair every day. Im not the neatest person (but hes worse then I am). I get mad over stupid things.... Im so depressing, all the time. I rag on his father/house too much (but Ive tried to stop)

But I have reasons for all of those things, Whats his reasons.

Okay, well this turned into a little bit of a rant and rave, but maybe someone could tell me how they see this (even though its one sided)
And how to fix it

**Mes T** · 06-06-2011 10:13 PM

Here's what I'm getting from your post (yes it may be one-sided but unless your boyfriend comes here and posts his side, we'll never know).

You've become more like roommates over the years than partners, and not even good ones at that. He's irresponsible with money, doesn't do ANYthing to make you feel like his "girlfriend," feminine, like a woman... So why on EARTH would you want to have sex with him.

I wouldn't want to have sex with my friend, either.

It's possible that you've outgrown each other. Few teen relationships can actually last into adulthood. Maybe this relationship has already gone as far as it could?

Maybe you need to be single for a while, get out of this "rut" and go back to wanting to look nice for someone... for yourself...

Why are you still in the relationship?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-07-2011 12:26 AM

I said it in your last thread, it can't be one sided.

It's wrong for him to never allow you to drive your own car, you are just there that's it.. He has everything his way and you have nothing..

It's a form of selfishness, at it's worse, as Mes says why are you still there, you are only 20 years young, just because you've been him from like 13 doesn't mean he's the be and end all for the rest of your life, imagine doing this for the rest of your life.

CW

**WildChild** · 06-07-2011 12:40 AM

I am a big believer in the importance of both women and men being self supporting for a few years before they start living with someone. There is so much you learn from being out on your own, perhaps with a room mate or two but having to be responsible for yourself and no one else. You both desperately need this as part of your maturation process.

I think you should move back in with your parents and leave him at his dads. Get yourself organized and on your feet and then get your own place - you can have another woman for a roommate id needed but no live in bfs. Get your debt paid off, build some savings, drive and maintain your own car, pay your own insurance and bills and no one else's for a couple years at least .Then you can decide what you want to let into your life with a man.

This young man is not maturing and learning to be self sufficient with his parents and you to handle everything.

**Little** · 06-09-2011 10:14 AM

Originally Posted by WildChild

I am a big believer in the importance of both women and men being self supporting for a few years before they start living with someone. There is so much you learn from being out on your own, perhaps with a room mate or two but having to be responsible for yourself and no one else. You both desperately need this as part of your maturation process.

This, 100%!
Based on this and the other thread you posted, it seems that your boyfriend is quite selfish and unwilling to change. Why should he change, when you have been willing to pay for nearly everything, let him do what he wants whenever he wants, and even give him sex fairly often?
I agree with the others, it's immensely important for you to cultivate your own sense of independence. This guy is squashing it! Though it seems to me that this relationship is "already over" in a way, if you really want to fix it, the best thing you can do is to put some space between the two of you. Move back home.

**jns** · 06-09-2011 08:05 PM

I don't think this relationship should be fixed. Rather it should be ended.

**Ruthy** · 06-10-2011 03:30 PM

Thanks guys. Sorry I havent posted, I couldent get on the site. this really makes me think. And I appreciate everything you guys have said. I think in a way Ive known all of this, I just dont want to admit it.
The funny thing is sometimes he gets mad and says "your acting like your my mother" lol I reply "I feel like im your mother "
I am really going to think about this. Thanks guys

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-10-2011 03:45 PM

Fear stops us from moving forward because we live in our past yet really despise our present.......

Yet our future has to be the most amazing thing, we are free, we can be ourselves, we get to shower, we get to have friends, we get to go places, find new jobs, laugh again, drive our car, find a new guy that buys us flowers, loves us, and life is good

Think on that future

**Ruthy** · 06-10-2011 07:09 PM

Thanks CW that made me smile quite a bit. Im going to acually keep what you said so I can look at it daily. I need to be happy and im not. I need to think about myself.
There is a chance I might be moving to the usa (I live in canada) If I go I can start a whole new life.