Dealing with the Time Apart

**kygirl** · 06-10-2011 02:56 PM

So, I have an amazing boyfriend. He is wonderful to me, and I have no doubts about our relationship. I really don't. My issue is more situational right now. I'm studying for the bar and due to schedules, I'm only seeing him on the weekends. Right now, at least we get most of the weekend but at the end of June, that will change when I ramp up the Bar Exam studying even more.

Now, he has been amazing. He supports me 100%, and he does nothing to make me feel bad about having to do this. He tells me he misses me, but only often enough so as not to make me feel bad. He's been so great, and I love and appreciate him for that. So, here is the issue....

I have been so incredibly moody lately (for obvious reasons). I at times have my mind running rampant about how he does miss me as much as I miss him, and how this is going to tear us apart. I don't know what to do to help with the time apart. It's only two months of craziness so I know it may not sound like much but prior to this, we spent an entire week in Mexico together. Before that, we were spending every night together and all weekends (except for time to friend stuff if not in groups). I just miss him terribly, and I want him to know that without also being too over the top.

Any suggestions on how you may have dealt with time apart? It's been 5 days since I've seen him and I feel like I've lost my best friend.

Any advice/thoughts are appreciated.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-10-2011 03:04 PM

Honey, law is something incredible and it's called sacrifice to achieve where you are going with it, it's never going to be easy but it is going to be an amazing journey for you both eventually.

I am sure he knows all of that.

It's difficult for "change" and you were so used to being with him had a fantastic time in Mexico off course you are missing him like crazy and worrying as well.

Words are your best friends.

It is never over the top to pick the phone up and say exactly that, " i feel like I've lost my best friend I miss you terribly and I just wanted you to know"...

It's words that makes a person know they are loved.

CW

**Beautiful Disaster** · 06-10-2011 10:09 PM

AWww.....girl.....listen. There is this thing called an ego.

It lurks inside all of us and it feeds off of negativity, dread, gloom, etc. When things are great and it's being deprived, it will find areas to pop up in. It's not a bad thing....as long as you learn how to control it, to identify it, and to deal with it. Right now, things are great, right? You've got the guy of your dreams who you're nuts about and who is equally nuts about you. You're getting closer and closer to your career goals. Life is fantastic. So KyGirl Ego is searching for something, it's hungry....... and you're feeding it. Stop feeding it.

Missing someone is a great thing. Not because they're not around but because it means something truly good is there. Is there a part of you that fears he'll grow apart from you, decide maybe he doesn't want to go back to spending all that time with you? You're scared of something.... what is it?

Tell him you miss him, but don't make a big deal of it. If he's the guy for you, he'll earn that much more respect for you for being so ambitious and focused and he'll be waiting with open arms when you have free time.

**kygirl** · 06-13-2011 07:22 AM

Originally Posted by Beautiful Disaster

Is there a part of you that fears he'll grow apart from you, decide maybe he doesn't want to go back to spending all that time with you? You're scared of something.... what is it?

BD, That's totally what it is. I'm afraid, that after two months of not seeing me very much that he won't ever want to spend that much time with me ever again. I know it probably sounds crazy. I know it makes no rational sense and if he were to do that, then I wouldn't need to be with someone like that. I don't think deep deep down that I believe it's going to happen, I am just really afraid. I think a lot of the fear comes from everything being so uncertain right now. Trying to find a new job, finishing school, the bar exam.... It's like my life is changing so fast. I think he'll be around for it all, I do, I just have to keep pressing on.

I am going to have to just hang in there, at this point. I can't change the situation, I can only try not to freak out so much. I know in time, it'll get better. I just have to be careful not to let all my fears get the best of me to the point where I make myself and him crazy

One day at a time I guess!

**pretzel** · 06-13-2011 07:31 AM

My dear,

Just calm down.

There is always a light at the end of each tunnel. That light is him. You know that and from what you've said, he knows that also.

Trust yourself and trust him.

(btw, thanks for the VM, I appreciated it.)

**Beautiful Disaster** · 06-13-2011 07:49 AM

BD, That's totally what it is. I'm afraid, that after two months of not seeing me very much that he won't ever want to spend that much time with me ever again.

I think it's normal. You have something great and you just don't want anything to ruin it so you want to wrap it up in a pretty little box and keep it safe.

It's understandable.. it's just something you have to get a grip on and realize that it's not possible therefore, let go of the control.

Sounds very simplistic, but sometimes you just have to tell yoursef, "It is what it is", meaning, things are what they will be, RIGHT NOW, and there's no true assurance, no matter what you do or feel that things will be one way or another.

The key for you, is not letting these feelings negatively effect your relationship. Know what I mean?

**WildChild** · 06-13-2011 09:03 AM

What's that saying about if you love someone let them go?
If being apart kills the relationship then you didn't have much. That doesn't mean just letting it lay there. You both have to be creative and find ways to keep feeling connected. Just imagine what it was like a few generations ago when people traveled and it could take months go places and letters took just as long. Now you have snail mail (use it to send cards, pics, a book, things that he can hold in his hands) email, texting, phones, skype, webcam, there are so many more options.

It is difficult but take this time for your own growth. Learn new skills, get involved in positive activities, work on being the best you, you can be - for yourself not for someone else although ultimately it will enhance your relationships too.