Thread: dating a recovering alcohlic & drug addict.

I married into a family of alcoholics so I know how a relationship can struggle when they stop working their program. The most frustrating part is they know what they're doing wrong and how to fix it, but you can't make them. He's gotta do the work and help himself. If he's not doing that, there's not anything you can do for him.

If he's working his steps and growing as a person, alanon would also give you a way to grow with him. My opinion would be not to go to meetings with him. At least not regularly. Show your support by going to your own meetings.

I have a lot of experience with addiction/recovery and let me just say if you are in a relationship with someone that is an addict and not in recovery it's compared to being on a sinking ship and the question is never if the ship will sink, but when. As much as you love him, care about him and want to help him... it won't do either of you any good for you to go down with him. As much as you want him to get help and encourage him to do so the reality of it is he has to be the one to decide for himself that he wants help, wants to quit using. If he just does it to please others the odds are it won't be long before he has a relapse. Majority of the time addicts hit rock bottom before they decide to seek help but each persons rock bottom is different. For some, losing a job because of their addiction is enough for them to feel like they have reached rock bottom... for others it takes more than that like losing job, house, family, friends, being homeless and or facing criminal charges due to their addiction or actions to get money for more drugs.
A person that is in a relationship of any kind (family, friend, SO etc...) is in my opinion put through the ringer and it's not fair. No matter how much you want to help, the biggest thing you and others that care about him NEED to do is make sure you do NOT enable him (give him money for drugs even though he may say he needs money for something else, if he's in the midst of addiction odds are any money will be used to purchase drugs) Another thing you really need to consider in regards to this relationship.... if he is puchasing/using/selling/in possession of illegal drugs and you two live together if he EVER gets into trouble with police even though you are innocent in all of this you can be charged with possession of drugs (for example if you are driving and get pulled over and he has drugs on him they can arrest you as well) and another thing to consider is the people he deals with to obtain his drug of choice probably aren't the most upstanding citizens and that can bring about negative repracussions as well.
As others have suggested... Alanon is a great place to get advice, help etc... from people that are going through the same thing or have been through the same thing. It can provide you with answers, support and comfort. I wish you all the best.