After growing up with an alcoholic father, and now seeing my alcoholic very addictive brother try to live his life in this world........I have some experience here. For starters, I found myself seeking co-dependant relationships because that's what seemed familiar to me. Correcting this behavior in myself right away was crucial.
I know what the textbooks say.....but what I say is that as long as you're relapsing, you're not recovering. Let me use a more drastic example. When you have cancer and rid of it, you are in remission for a period of time in which the doctors still give you treatments to avoid the cancer returning. If the cancer comes back, you are no longer in remission. So perhaps it's time to stop telling yourself "My boyfriend is a recovering addict" and tell yourself "My boyfriend IS an addict". Being honest with yourself is key to your own health and happiness.
People who are addicts become very selfish people. Even though deep in their hearts there is love for others, they are the only ones who truly matter to them at that time. They always have someone else to blame for their actions and their behaviors. Why ? Because then they don't have to blame themselves.
Weird funk. Those of us who have been with addicts or grown up with them know what this weird funk is. And it leaves us wondering "are they withdrawing from something??", "are they on something?" but then guilting ourselves into believing that's not the case because we don't want to falsely accuse them and set them into a downward spiral. Being with an addict IS walking on eggshells.
So for you ,this needs to become about you. You will NEVER fix an addict. He will only be recovering when he gives drugs and alcohol up totally. And there is a good chance that even if he does (and that's a big IF), you will spend your life walking on eggshells with an emotionally weak person who will look for every flaw, every wrong doing, an every opportunity to crawl into his shell of addiction again. Therefore, it will always be your fault, you'll feel that it's your fault, and you'll stay because you'll feel obligated to like it's your responsibility to help him. There must come a time for you when you realize that there are many people in this world, why settle yourself with one whom you KNOW you're going to have to go through the ringer with? Why settle yourself with one who will very likely subject his and your children to his addictions? Why settle yourself with someone who you feel like your life and your issues will ALWAYS take a back burner because he is the most important and requires all the pity and attention? Why settle yourself with a partner who is not really a PARTNER at all, but a duffle bag you carry around and take care of?
What do you want in your life? Forget about him for a moment and picture your ideal life. What is it?