How to deal with the rude comments...

**asiangrace** · 06-16-2011 10:59 AM

My boyfriend and I have been happily together for a little over two and a half years now. We have no drama, no baggage, he has a small business and I am a full time student. I think our life is pretty fulfilling, and I could not ask for a better man in my life. I look forward to coming home to him even if I've only been gone for a few hours! The problem? Some of our friends and people we know have started making crude comments on why he hasn't proposed yet. He and I have talked deeply about it, he is not scared of marriage. We both know we want to be married. However, right now is not the right time in our lives. The other day one friend told me, "If he really thought you were the one, he would've proposed already." Ouch! When other people hear how "long" we've been together, they say something along the lines of, "Guess he's not the marrying type is he?" I spend half the time defending him/us. A little over two and a half years is not that long is it?? Why do people feel like they can make these comments? We are in no rush, but I'm starting to feel pressure. I don't want him to feel pressured in proposing to me, but I'm getting sooo tired of all the rude comments people feel like they need to make. Why is there a rush? We both are on the same page. I know I want to be more through school, even graduated - I don't want to have to plan a wedding during school. Also, he wants his business a little more established so when we do get married, we're on more of a solid ground financially. I think these are reasonable conditions. Why don't other people see it that way? Am I missing something?

**kygirl** · 06-16-2011 11:10 AM

I think as long as you both are on the same page, then I wouldn't worry about them. People always make comments like that, but honestly, it's none of their business. If you'd been together 6 months and were getting married, people would probably think you hadn't been together "long enough." Honestly, it is up to you on when and how you want to get to married. There is no magical time or set of circumstances. Obviously, you two have talked about it and feel good about the situation. Next time someone makes a comment, I would tell them that you are happy and you all will get married when you are ready, not when everyone else thinks you should!

This is your life, not theirs!

**LanaBear** · 06-16-2011 11:50 AM

Personally, I wouldn't even give these people the time of day.

Don't even bother to defend yourself or your fiance. It's none of their business. No matter which way you do it, not everybody is going to agree. You could have gotten married 6 months after dating, people would have said it was too quick. So, don't worry about it and don't waste your time with it.

If you want to be "nice" just for the sake of being nice, then give them a polite. "Thanks for your opinion (that I didn't ask for)." And be on your way or move on to a different topic. They will feel stupid anyways because you didn't bother responding to their stupid comment.

**SaharaJim** · 06-16-2011 11:57 AM

Maybe they "mean well" but it is NONE of their business. I usually respond to such questions with a :"We're happy- why do you ask?" Generally they "realize" that it really isn't any of their business- course there are those who are just to dumb to "get it".

**BabyGirl** · 06-17-2011 07:37 PM

Good answers..
Me I would just tell them in the Sweetest way / with a Cheshire Cats smile.

" Oh we... were Married in our Hearts the first time we realized we loved each other . We hope you don't feel slighted we didn't invite you to the Consummation of our love and that when and if in the Future, we wish to invite you to share our union of love, we will certainly include those who haven't realized we are already committed. Even possibly may have a Celebration and invite all of our Friends to join in it . Oh, It will be RSVP and we are Registered with Sac's 5th Ave , Century 21 and Gifts can be made to our Further Education "

Or you can Just say " Goodness, you haven't found someone to love yet, that it doesn't take a piece of Paper to Prove ? You should just try being in love and learning about each other, like we do . "

**Hopeless Dork** · 06-18-2011 12:21 AM

Oh Gosh, I get exactly what your getting. Me and my bf have been together, happilly so for a few years now. I have friends that say hurtful things, people that raise a brow when they hear how long we've been together and not married but you know what? I look at those busy bodies, and watch them stand 10 feet away from their spouse, while me and my guy can't keep our hands off each other and think...uhhh... we're doing JUST FINE, thanks.

Its so insulting, as well, when ppl assume that because you aren't married yet that its HIM that is not willing to sign the papers... sometimes, like in both of our cases... couples reach a mutual decision where they are happy, and don't need to rush into anything. Its almost as if we are so secure in our love we don't HAVE to rush the aisle.

I think others, and I do know some women, especially... that think you need to marry that man asap before he loses interest etc... um, I'd rather have him lose interest before he puts a ring on it than the week AFTER..

You love each other or you don't, you're committed to each other or you're not, you are happy or you aren't... marriage ain't got squat to do with it in my opinion.

**MarkT** · 06-18-2011 04:23 AM

True friends never make comments like that. True friends would understand that you are wanting to be on financial solid ground before you got married.
Now, how to deal with them - I'm a man and we tend to be very blunt, well some of do. I'm very, how should I put it, straight to the point and rude right back. Makes me look bad I know, but I don't care, they started it and I finish it, I have no tact in these matters. I tell it like it is and they can get over it or not, at least it's off my shoulders and on theirs

Somehow, I have a way of really making a person so mad they tend to have the inability to respond to me. I love that part of me quite frankly, it's my way of dealing with jerks and others I can't call their names on here, but rhymes with itches-
Just my "special" way of dealing with "special" people. Guess you could say I'm rude, crude and socially unacceptable, can't take me anywhere! It's my Redneck side that comes out and bites the heads off of those "special" people. BTW, "Special" is code for anuses-

**JadedQueen** · 06-19-2011 06:25 AM

There is no law that says you need to have a ceremony or a piece of paper to love someone, be commited to someone. I have known couples that have been together for over 20 years without ever going through the ceremony or paperwork of getting married. Don't let others make you feel bad or question your relationship because they think you should be married. I can imagine how the comments would be irritating and hurtful (especially when they insinuate that your relationship isn't longterm because you aren't married yet) but try to figure out some snappy come back to their comments that will put them in their place.

There are a lot of couples that are together for many years before (if ever) getting married, for example Prince Harry and his new bride... I think they have been together for 10 years. It's not uncommon these days and with the divorce rate being the way it is, taking your time and establishing yourself (with business ventures, completing schooling etc...) is not only understandable, but more than acceptable. I actually question couples that get married that haven't been together for at least 3 or more years.

I know a lot of times people that are going to college wait to get married due to financial aid reasons (for tuition expenses) because when you get married it's a lot more complicated because they have to calculate spouses income when figuring out your financial aid etc...

Keep your chin up, you have a solid happy healthy relationship, don't let these petty individuals get to you. Sometimes people aren't happy unless they are making others miserable and even then they aren't happy because they just aren't happy people... and misery does love company.

**virgo man** · 06-19-2011 12:57 PM

There’s a difference between a commitment and a marriage.

A commitment is basically a pledge of togetherness between two people. A marriage is a request and a promise by two people to the Lord God to keep them together. Hopefully a promise made to the Lord is more meaningful than a promise made to a mere person. This is why its customary in court for witnesses to take a pledge upon the Bible. It means more.

A wedding is much, much more than a public announcement of a marriage. Traditional weddings take place in a church or are officiated by a member of a church. The beauty of it is the Lord’s involvement in it. It’s not just a celebration of a commitment between two people. It’s a celebration of entering into something Holy. Holy matrimony. Perhaps if people understood this they would put more effort into keeping their vows and there would be less divorce.

A commitment between two people pales in significance to a marriage.

Virgo