I say Id never cheat...

**Ruthy** · 06-21-2011 09:20 AM

Okay so me an my BF have been together for 4+ years. We were seeing each other for about 6 months, and he never asked me out. So I figured that this was going nowhere and started to look around for other relationships. I found one (not serious) and I was seeing both boys. Well my current BF found out and wanted nothing to do with me. So I felt I wanted my CBF more and broke it off with the other guy. WELL. we never speek of this inccedent. and I feel that that time may have given my BF more insecuritie with me.

I feel that Im a changed person since I was 15-16. I feel I am more mature and I am loyal. I tell him that I am not the kind of girl to cheat on him. But he always says that
I wont really know until the time happens. What time happens? I never put myself in that situation.
AND I have been in that situation. I was down in New Jersey in March for buisness and I had a few drinks and I had a guys hittin on me. I knew what that guy wanted, but I really didnt feel that urge. I could have slept with him, but I didnt.

Is my boyfriend right? Once a cheater, always a cheater?
Or do you think Im right. I dont have those urges like some ladies?
Or could we both be right?

**pretzel** · 06-21-2011 09:54 AM

Judging from this and your other post, I'd say there is a bit of insecurity here. You can see it in his anger issues that if things don't go the way he wants or expects than the world is falling apart and he doesn't want any part of it. You can see it also here, no I don't believe that once a cheater, always a cheater especially in this context.

He seems to have felt that at the time you were seeing him and someone else he considered that cheating? Something, whether it was his parents or someone else close, or if it's just a general belief has given him a somewhat narrow perspective on people maturing and being able to make amends and grow from hurts that unfortunately happen. But, if someone can't or won't recognize that a mistake is not a learning experience, then past behaviors will dictate possible future behaviors.

**WildChild** · 06-21-2011 10:04 AM

Sweetie dating more than one guy when you are not in a committed relationship is NOT cheating. It's dating.

**Ruthy** · 06-21-2011 10:25 AM

Originally Posted by WildChild

Sweetie dating more than one guy when you are not in a committed relationship is NOT cheating. It's dating.

Thats what I thought. But I also think he may have thought the Realtionship was more serious than I thought it was. Misscommunication, which seems to be a trend to this day lol

Pretzel, I had a convo with my father, and he said my BF is scared of failure, which ties into your world falling apart comment. Its so true. He could have gone to the olympics for ty kwon do but he didnt. He was scared of failure (even if he wont admit it) If he fails his world will fall apart. I told him if something fails, so what start over.

I truley belive that I wont cheat. I can be attractive, Im told I have a great personalitly, and im easy to realate to. I can find someone to cheat with easy, but I dont want to. Key word WANT. Its not that I cant I dont want to.

**jns** · 06-21-2011 07:01 PM

Originally Posted by WildChild

Sweetie dating more than one guy when you are not in a committed relationship is NOT cheating. It's dating.

I might add, if he is always bringing it up, he is being somewhat controlling.

**Ruthy** · 06-21-2011 10:05 PM

We never speak of this. Its like one of those things that "Never happend" even though we both know it happend. We never discussed what really happend.

**sweetiekaye** · 06-22-2011 03:22 AM

brushing things under the rug like that isn't the best, even though it does seem like the best idea it isn't. :/ A year or so back something similar happened with my fiance and I but I won't get into since we are focused on you right now. If I were you I would sit down with him in a calm environment like a living room or somewhere like that and just talk about what you thought was going on at the time and what he was going at the time. take turns It's really important to not elevate it into an argument, if he gets mad give him time to cool off. Ask him what got him mad, but not in a harsh tone. I hope that helps. :]

**Beautiful Disaster** · 06-22-2011 06:50 AM

I'm with WC. When you're "seeing" someone who's really showing no interest in you, not asking you out, etc and you start seeing someone else, then it's not cheating, it's dating. If you lie about it, purposely hide it, and get caught, then YES it will cause some insecurity. But at this point, I'd say he either needs to be willing to talk about it and get past it, or get on with his life.

**Ruthy** · 06-22-2011 09:40 PM

Thanks guys. Ill have to pick a good time to talk about it. Lifes a bit stressfull right now and I dont want anything to turn bad. I guess im kinda scared to too. If i bring it up, its kinda like sturing the pot that did need to be sturred. (but If it means trust me not to cheat, then I will) I did hide it from him at the time. But once he found out I didnt hide it anymore, it just never got spoken of. We did have a conversation back after it happend (like a year or so) because he didnt trust me. I think this was the only time it got brought up. I cant really rember the outcome of the convo, but It must of changed something.