Not lonely... just a bit... ALONE... sort of

**Risch** · 07-04-2011 05:31 AM

Hi
I haven't been on this site for a while. Just want to vent, really.
My second husband hated my kids from my first marriage. I (eventually) moved out, we're getting divorced, he already has a girlfriend (it's been officially over 3 months) and was kind enough to have me meet her. I live on my own with my 3 kids. The 6 months of this year has actually been quite hectic: my husband called it quits, got a girlfriend, I got a new car, got my degree (YESSSSS!!!), went to a rock show, and my dad died, not to mention the normal stuff with the kids and friends. I have been very busy.
BUT
also lonely. No, not lonely. alone, and also not alone. I don't want a husband, I don't want a guy who is going to take my time and have me reorganise my life. I am happy and very much at peace with my life as is, for the first time in my 30 years on earth, I'm really happy and peaceful. I don't want anybody to ruin that. But, I also don't have anyone to really share anything with. My kids and I do almost everything together, but there are stuff you can't do with your kids, or share with your kids. (Really, there are). And if they're visiting grandma, I'm at home... sometimes visiting friends, but all my friends are married.
I just want somebody there, you know?? Not close enough to harm my family, my time or me, but who I can touch when I reach for him.
Where do I even begin finding people? I'm on facebook, but still don't know how that actually works. Dating sites doesn't work, cause I don't want sex. Not so quickly, anyway.
I keep busy, I work through feelings arising from the divorce(s), the rejection, accepting the situation, doing what I can, etc. Where to from here???

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-04-2011 07:02 AM

So get that when it happened to me but you know? Dating sites work in as much as getting in tune with your self and the carp you know? Of those whom are after sex only it lets you be wary and it lets you dress up so do it.

Hobbies? What are they ?

Passions?

Tell us more...

**Maximus** · 07-04-2011 07:25 AM

On the same line of thought as CW:

What makes it difficult for you to have one (male) who might become the friends with benefits ?

Based on what you wrote, you also miss the vibrations and butterflies.
Although on another post you also said you didn't want sex, not as yet.

How old are your children ?
The idea being how easy would it for you to have some quality for yourself ?
Or even nurture yourself without having to worry about them even for a day or two ?

Yes, tell us more...

**Risch** · 07-04-2011 07:29 AM

I do scrapbooking, cooking, baking, painting, I like movies. I enjoy gardening, but its winter here now, so that's out for a bit. I don't have help in the house, so most of my time goes into cleaning and washing and tidying - even with the kids all doing their share. I used to write very nice stories, and would love to start writing again, but once I sit to try, I feel like I don't have anything to write about. My stories were derived from my sad and turbulent past, and now that I'm happy, I struggle to write. I take care of myself, creams and water and exercise, etc. I am trying to get involved in some charity work, but it's actually hard to get involved. Mostly they want funds, and I don't have to give, but I do have (a little, but still) time and willingness to give. So, I REALLY am trying to make the most of what I have in the time and space I have. Oh, I don't have the finances to go onto dating sites to (eventually) find someone to dress up for once in a blue moon. Let's face it: 3 kids? 2 ex husbands? Interest is already low... It just feels like there's a hole, you know??

**WildChild** · 07-04-2011 08:43 AM

First off you can dress up for yourself anytime you want.
Congrats on getting your degree!!
How about joining a hobby group to get to know some new people? Or maybe something like a museum society that holds lectures and discussions and such. Most communities have a variety of groups devoted to sharing and learning about different topics or to support some facility such as a museum, zoo or botanic gardens or something. They often use volunteer docents.
Get out and meet people of both genders. If you aren't interested in sex then your friends genders really don't matter much, you just need community and a chance to be more social.
How about taking a class or two in something completely different, like auto maintenance? Many Community schools offer these types of life skills classes. As a single lady it is good to know these things, you can help yourself, teach your kids and meet some interesting people.
I've never had help in the house and only a small part of my time goes to cleaning, perhaps you need to rethink some of how or what you are doing there? Reorganizing can make a big difference there.

**Little** · 07-04-2011 08:55 AM

What about a roommate? I don't know what your housing situation is, but if there is (or could be) extra room for another woman - maybe another single mom who you could share responsibilities with - you wouldn't be so alone. Even when the children are gone, there would be somebody "around." You might check Craigslist, but of course beware. Crazy people seem to be easier to find on the internet.
Did you get your degree online or in a brick-and-mortar institution? If it's the latter, maybe you could make friends with other alums in your area. With the former, it's a bit more difficult, as you're more likely to be far away from your classmates.

**oxy-moron** · 07-05-2011 02:12 AM

Why not try a dating website but looking for friends- be careful of course as Little says.

Try putting more time into this forum as well - It can be entertaining and can sometimes give you insights into yourself.
It might give you ideas for your writing as well.