I love him, but are we right for each other?

**cassy87** · 07-11-2011 07:04 AM

Hi

Im new here, been looking for a place where i could get some advice from some unbiased people.

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for +/- 3 years.
I have been happy for the most part of our relationship but lately i have been questioning whether we are right for each other.

I love him very much but our differences and different upbringings are now slowly but surely colliding.
let me explain..
I am an only child and have bipolar, for the last 6 years i haven't had a major depression episode but obviously it is still there and i have my ups and downs. Due to this me and my mum are extremely close as she has helped me through all the hard times ( there really was some bad times)
I was brought up in a non religious household, the only ideas that were taught to me was to respect the world and animals around me.

My boyfriend on the other hand has siblings and was brought up Muslim. We have different outlooks on life obviously and up until now that was never a problem. there was never any problems with our relationship, yes there was compromises but i never minded. as much as i have tried to explain what bipolar is or what it means to have it he doesnt understand, and thinks that the tablets i take daily are a waste of time.

About 1 month ago i ended our relationship, the reasons were mainly because of our different out looks on life. As much as i can say i respect his religion and choices i don't think i want to bring my children up like that. Other than that i have always felt that i have given up 'stuff' for our relationship and he hasn't, but rather taken me for granted.
when we broke up i was set on starting new and not looking back, but he came and begged me to take him back, which i did.
im not sure if i regret it now or if im going through a period of depression, its like one minute im happy the next i wish we were still broken up.

im at the period in my life where im thinking about family and marriage but im not sure if he is the right one, but if he is not how do i break his heart again.
i could keep writing but think i have given you guys some of the info on my situation

**lizzardb63** · 07-11-2011 07:15 AM

It sounds as if the break was the right idea. You can't compromise what is important to you in the long run. My ex and I were together for close to 4 years...we broke up because he didn't want to get married, didn't want children, etc. It didn't bother me until we started to get more serious. You deserve to get what YOU want too, just as he deserves to get what he wants. If two people are going to decide to make a big commitment (like marriage) they need to be treading side by side, and both want the same things. It doesn't mean you have to be clones of each other, but you need ot have the same goals and outlooks on life. It might just take him a little longer to realize what you realize, but he will get there. DOn't worry a WHOLE lot about breaking his heart, because in the long run, he'll understand why it didn't work out...and eventually be thankful. It's always a learning experience being in relationships...but i feel it is much needed before you find the "right one".. good luck!

**Lorelei** · 07-11-2011 12:15 PM

I think lizzard hit the nail on the head. Relationships are like cards. You need two to play by the rules for it to work. Otherwise you are just playing solitaire.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-11-2011 03:41 PM

Good quote above

I agree... Listen to your intuition.. You knew when you broke up, felt that "relief", a sense of being, a sense of worth and you are not feeling that in this relationship...

You have stated that you have felt that you have compromised but he hasn't, you have given, but he hasn't and then there is the up-bringing of children/future.

If you are not happy in your present you for sure are not going to be happy in your future.

We can not worry about someone else's heart, when our own is not happy...

**cassy87** · 07-12-2011 04:27 AM

thanks for the reply's,
I needed to hear it, its just hard to except!!
I know what i need to do, and not only for me but for him to.
Now i just have to stop putting off the 'talk' and actually do something about it......

**Lorelei** · 07-12-2011 05:53 AM

Originally Posted by cassy87

Now i just have to stop putting off the 'talk' and actually do something about it......

Yeah, that's a very difficult thing to have to face. But just keep in mind, the longer you put it off the harder it will be to do. I wish you all the luck in the world.

**Cougar1986** · 07-19-2011 03:22 AM

I think you have a difficult decision in front of you; however, do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who does not understand depression if you suffer from bipolar disorder? You are going to have your ups and downs, as most of us do; however, I would want someone who understands me and my condition before considering a lifelong commitment with them.

Religious values are also extremely important. While I feel 2 very different people can be very compatible, I feel that two things those people should share are moral values and faith. It is one thing to respect one's faith, and another to become a part of it.