Thanks Guys and Gals.
This is why I Posted such a long Description of the
detailing of the visits and " Convos"
When it comes to me still having some of his texts from the Affair time ..Again I reiterate, they are not because I can't let go. They aren't even on the phone I use Now. They are on the phone I had when I was with him. which I do not carry with me, it is kept at home on a Charger, the Phone doesn't work for calls, but the Text messages are saved in the memory. They have dates and times recorded. Which if it ever came to a He said She said legal or even with my Company issue. I have proof of the relationship.
As for my work, 2 co workers know about the affair and knew about it when it was going on. Albeit they only knew that I was seeing a guy that said he was sharing his house with his wife but they were estranged. Which was the truth at the time at least for the first few months as we were just friends, with me trying to help him repair his marriage. But then it went to being more emotional between us.
On possibly moving to another Store, I have been at this one for almost 4 years, it's the closest to my home. Same Boss, whom I used to work for at one of our Competition stores,we then moved to this company. Bob is counting on me to remain in his store. There is however another store being set up in about a year that is only 2 blocks from my house. I told Bob last year when our company acquired the property that I would probably move to that store as I could walk to work. His Reply was " We'll see, if I'm willing to let you go " Lol .. That was a good feeling that he valued my work.
Back to "John ".. So far he has not been inappropriate , except to ask for the Hug, and that is only inappropriate to me because it is HIM . I have other Customers, Guys and Gals that give me a Quick Hug, and Bob just shakes his head now, as I told him, it's rude to just shove friends and Good Customers way..
Also he's not showing up daily or calling daily. As of yet, I have no reason to be disrespectful to him or complain of harassment. I will do my best to avoid him, have any direct contact with him, maybe he will get the hint that I have no interest in him, not even as a Friend.
The only worry is, that if he chose to, he could Complain to Bob or call our District Manager or even further up the ranks, if I am rude or snub him. And that is why I will not clear out the messages from my other phone, they would be proof that we had a relationship, it ended and that his complaints ( if any ) would be to get back at me.
And should this escalate to where I feel it is stalking or harassment. I do have the option to let him know I am more than willing to let his wife know, it was more than a few kisses.
I must work on my reaction to him, It is not a " I miss him " reaction, it's a Why is he doing this, there's a store closer to his home than mine, that was built last year. Though it is in the opposite direction of his travels to and from his work. so mine is actually on his way.
Thank you all for letting me vent and I appreciate the Comments and Support.
I have let Go of him, it's he that hasn't let go. In the long run, I do have the Power, the Power is in those saved messages. Which I will use only if necessary.
I think you know why he's doing this.
It's to see how much control he still has over you. To make you uncomfortable if he can. To make you react. It's a power trip ... don't feed it.
I feel that waiting for it to escalate isn't a very good move. How bad does it have to get? How long will you let him play you like a puppet?
You're a better and stronger woman than that.
You don't have to be rude to him as a customer to tell him his behavior is incorrect and that you want it to stop.
made one wish for a permanent kiss that would echo through these bones like arsenic
Women are female (adj,) but not females (n.) We aren't dogs.
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BabyGirl...this isn't a business relationship. In reality your store has nothing he "needs" he is only coming there to get whatever "cheap thrill" it gives him to make you respond.My advice is that you contact the nearest LEGAL AID office and inquire about the procedure for a temporary restraining order. What is occurring here is not "visiting' but STALKING. He has no legitimate reason to have "contact" with you. I would "alert" your supervisors so that they know what is occurring and should something occur that they consider a "disruption" of business; they are not caught unaware of the history involved.
BG, sound advise think about it... It isn't a business relationship, and it is a power trip.
Remember, this man never had sex with you, what he wanted was to be held, to talk, to kiss...He's trying to get that allllll again......and you are feeding it by not letting him know straight out it's never going to happen, a ewee efect.
Avoiding him is going to make him come back tomorrow.
Not, telling him where to go, is going to make him think you will do exactly what you did before, you must have feelings for him.
Any reply to his text messages "tells him" you are communicating with him.
If your boss wouldn't let you go and values you, why can you not state of the previous friendship, and lies from this guy, the emotional if you will, battlefield and emotional affair if you will, you are not a hussy and he will not see you as one, and ask him to help you, by walking over ever time this Doughbagis in the shop and take over ensuring that John can not ever be served by you, hint hint, someone knows, oh oh - GONE... He will be gone.
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
It seems like that would be the perfect way to get rid of him. It really just depends on your relationship with your boss. He seems to have a lot of respect for you and value you as an employee. If you could explain what's going on, not as a way to get rid of a costumer, but a way to keep you from feeling uncomfortable about the situation. Would he be suddenly showing up if you weren't working there? All things you could bring up in a talk about a jerk that isn't taking the hint.
Once again, you guys are awesome and good " Friends" on here. It show's you care.
I will try to reply per Person here. Also I feel that if I reply with Reasons for... rather than Excuses for Not's of my possible " Logic" and actually being in this particular situation and just having gone thru what I did and also my work/home/ family situation.
1) I know why he is doing this, he most He is most likely is still very unhappy in his marriage. I was once attracted and sensitive to his needs and he probably thinks that after a Year of non communication from him and him " Dumping " me as he did, and that I did not end the relationship with him. That I will be available to get back on the being Used Train again.I think you know why he's doing this.
It's to see how much control he still has over you. To make you uncomfortable if he can. To make you react. It's a power trip ... don't feed it.
I feel that waiting for it to escalate isn't a very good move. How bad does it have to get? How long will you let him play you like a puppet?
You're a better and stronger woman than that.
You don't have to be rude to him as a customer to tell him his behavior is incorrect and that you want it to stop.
Which I am not going to be his little Caboose or His Baby Girl.
2) He has not had a chance to even see if he has Any control over me per se. He did not know I saw his truck come in that day. I, as I said ducked out and kept my eyes on my regular customer, clocked out and did not even acknowledge he was in the Store at all. The Text he sent I Ignored and did not respond to. And that is why he called the store ( I believe ).
In all calls, I have to be respectful and try to be even with P/O'd customers. I feel I did well on that. The call about the Oil recycle, I had no choice but to explain we were almost full. I then was aware that he might be coming in, but also as it was a Saturday, figured I could hopefully be at lunch or Busy.
It did not happen that way, so I did my Job.
I feel I also did that well by avoiding any response to the Can I have a Hug question. And was fairly proud of my " Wife can't forgive a few Kisses ?"
3) Thank You, Yes I am a Better Woman than That.
And when and if (my uncomfortableness ) gets to any Escalation, I will then have to decide just how to handle it. But as to this point he has not legally harassed me in any form, at least not by my company Standards or any other law here.
( this will also be part of the reply to Sahara Jim, CW and even Crystal )
When I can get to those replies .. lol
I have yet to look him in the Eye, Be strong, form any words without anger and speak them to him. And have only had the chance to try and ignore, be Businesslike as I am required to do.
Next will Be Sahara Jim.
I hate losing these things ( threads ) cause I run outta time .. Lol
Originally Posted by SaharaJim
Jim.
Legally speaking, he has the right to go into my store, it is on his way home, he needs auto parts, it's the closest one without bypassing his home and going another 5 miles in the opposite direction.
But I see your point.
Legally speaking here. He has caused no harm, not been threatening, not yet harassed me personally ( verifiable ) , Shopped twice ( oil dump ) and whatever he bought the first time. Called the store asking for me, as many others do.
On the Temporary Restraining or No Contact Order.
I must feel Threatened , Physically, Emotionally and fear for my Safety.
I then must call the Police, make a Report, Indecent, Time , Date, Actions of threat.
Then show up at Domestic Court and get a temp restraining order, Which has to be Served to him Personally by a Process server or adult that can walk into his Job or His Home and Serve him.
So, I do not feel, as of yet, I can juts call the Police or file a complaint for Protection , based on He has been in my Store again ...which he used to come to, met me and then we had the Relationship, It ended a year ago.. and Claim " Protection Order ".
On My Supervisors, being forewarned that a customer may or not be Irate with me and may come in and can they help with it ?
That is as many times as we can as a Team,do for each other, Bob speaks No Espanola and is not fond of the tempers of the ones from the USSR, They Irritate him and Confuse him with accents.
It is usually passed on to another Employee, that speaks or can at least communicative with them. The same as when people come in Irate, we can then pass them on to someone calmer and try to solve the situation.
Going to Bob or any employee that does Not know the past with John, Is opening up a Can of Worms, that may Crawl into the woodwork and turn out to be Termites.
Next, To hopefully respond to CW and Crystal The one above will apply to The Reasons.
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