Should I leave after violent burst?

**don't_no_what_to_do** · 07-22-2011 01:51 AM

Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 7 years, recently my boyfriend has seemed to develop anger issues and lashes out on me, he doesn't punch me or kick me, but he has pushed me a few times. When we met 7 years ago he never had anger issues at all, but over the past few years he gets really angry real easily, and I am not going to lie and say he gets angry over nothing, I am a bit of a nagging machine, I do nag him a lot, because he never does anything I ask him, like make the dinner or clean the house. I spoke to him about his anger issues and he told me its because I am always nagging him. The other day we had a small argument and out of nowhere it become a huge argument and he went ape s**t, he started shouting, he pushed me, he threw a chair onto the ground, he just went mad. I really really do not know what to do, I love him to pieces, but I hate when he gets angry because he just loses control. And the worst thing is we are travelling at the moment and it is just the two of us, so we can't exactly split up. But its weird because I know for certain that if an issue like this happened in our home country, I would leave him like a shot, because I have my family and friends to turn to, but out here I have no one to turn to, and I don't want to end up alone, but at the same time I can't stand for something like this. I know I nag him a lot but does this excuse him getting violent with me?Please any advice would be greatly appreciated.

**Mes T** · 07-22-2011 03:50 AM

How much longer will you be traveling for? When will you be going home?

They say that once someone starts to get violent, it'll just go downhill, quickly, without some proper counseling and effort on his side. Yeah you may need to work on your nagging - that's something you may need to start addressing, now. But nagging is not an excuse for a person to get violent. He threw a chair today, tomorrow he may throw YOU across the room. If I were you I wouldn't stick around to take that chance.

**don't_no_what_to_do** · 07-22-2011 03:55 AM

I am travelling for another 18 months, so I won't be going home for a long time. Other than the violence, we do actually have a really good relationship, we get on really well and we laugh so much together. I have been with him so long, its scary to think what life will be like without him.

**Mes T** · 07-22-2011 04:01 AM

*Every* relationship has really good things about it.

I guess in the end it's up to you to decide whether the good things are worth the bad things.

Seriously, though? Physical violence is a scary thing. Why don't you sit down and have a calm conversation about it, about how his violence makes you feel, and in turn he can explain to you how your nagging makes him feel.

Situations like these are worrying because they can escalate so easily.

**iluvmychis** · 07-22-2011 06:09 AM

My husband is like that and we are now separated after 15 years of it. I could share my story but it is kind of long. If he is willing to sit and talk it out, that would be wonderful. But if not, please don't feel that you have to tolerate this behavior. It isn't going to change unless he wants to do something about it. Even if he never hits you, it is the bullying aspect of it. The pushing, the aggression... please don't let anyone do that to you.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 07-22-2011 06:38 AM

and I don't want to end up alone,

Wouldn't you rather end up alone than with someone who is abusive to you and who will very likely be abusive to any future children?

If you're "nagging" all the time it's all the more proof you're not happy in the relationship. If he's not willing to compromise with you and help out around the house and contribute to the relationship, then that's all the more proof that HE is not happy in the relationship either. Lashing out as he is, yes, sounds like has anger issues, but also sounds like he is incredibly unhappy in the relationship.

What I see? Two people that are together because of circumstance. You moved away and don't know anyone so you feel tied together. You both don't want to be alone. And so you stay together....but it doesn't seem to be because of love. I know those words can hit hard, but that's my honest assessment.

You may be away from home, but the only way to GET to know people is to get out. If you break up and move out on your own, you will meet people along the way and develop friendships etc. When my 5 year relationship ended, I thought I'd lay down and grieve myself to death and die of loneliness. I'm still here.

And I've met alot of great people and had ALOT of great experiences since then that I would've never had if I had stayed in the relationship.

Violence is no "iffy" matter. It's dangerous, it's illegal, it's serious. Don't be one of those girls who puts on the rose colored glasses and ends up in the grave because of it. As the father of a domestic violence victim who died said, "Leave and Live!".

**Seeker_Advice** · 07-22-2011 06:49 AM

"Other than the violence..." Sounds a lot like saying.... "Other than the drug addiction..." or "Other than the affair he had..."

Does reading any of those make sense? Really?

This is a "no brainer" from my perspective....