Want to get rid of this obsession....please help!!!!! Why am I feeling this way?

**Anaida** · 07-24-2011 03:21 AM

A Little Introduction to my problem:

I have this professor at college. A little detail------ he's in his early 40's, and an obnoxious *******. On one hand, he's an academic genius, extremely knowledgeable on his subject. His style of teaching can keep people on the edge, even whilst discussing the most boring portions. He's, to put in in a sentence----ABSOLUTELY GREAT WITH HIS SUBJECT.

However, on the other hand, he's got a severe attitude problem. As in, he sometimes makes sweeping offensive, even downright heartless comments. For example, he believes that education should be the sole prerogative of Elites, or that Blind students don't deserve special favour. Etc etc...you get the idea. On one hand, he's very charismatic, and on the other, a downright "*******" who doesn't seem to realize how offensive he really is being to others. He tends to have unrealistically high expectations from students while writing an answer, and also grades his favourites higher than he normally would otherwise.

He also, albeit subtlely, tries to imply that he is the best teacher ever and all other teachers on the subject are inferior or less knowledgeable.

So, coming to my real area of concern:

It so happened that. we (all the students of our class) had presented a list of carefully-written complaints against him to the Dean...following which it was agreed that he won't be allowed to evaluate our final sem papers. At the same time, we'd brought in a host of other charges against him........owing to which there was an enquiry commission againt him. We were all happy, and relieved.

However, I gradually started to feel a sort of strange affinity towards him. Like, his behavior had always replleed me' but I now started to get CURIOUS about him. Like, I started pondering more on his behaviour and what could be the cause for them...could he be lonely because he had no children? Or maybe his harsh demeneour stemmed from the fact that being born and raised in a family of rich bureaucrats, and having studied in aristocratic institutions had never really taught him to be compassionate about people from less fortunate backgrounds? This curiosity and thoughts started to increase, to the point where I became almost fascinated with him. Like, I enjoyed talking about him with friends, or fantasized about him, sometimes even sexually. I wondered what it would be like to get to know him as a person; and started taking tips on how to impress professors. I couldn't define this feeling----on one hand, I found his overbearingly "agressive, macho" nature repellent, on the other hand, I had become sort of obsessed with him.

And now, when our next semester is about to start, I just learned that we don't have any classes with him this time. This is deeply frustrating me to the point of getting edgy. I spend hours looking him up on the internet, reading upbooks and journals by him from libraries even though I don't understand them, and always stop to sneak a peek at him whenever he's around. I'm even developing stalkerish tendencies too, I feel.

Its IDIOTIC, I know. But what can I do? I'd be grateful if you offer counselling. I cannot share this with any friends or family, yet I need this out of my system. Why do you think I feel this way about this person? And what can I do to make this go away?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-24-2011 03:50 AM

It's quite normal that when a dominant person plays the cards of control, plays the cards of he is "God" for a better word, your instincts see the bad side and so, collectively you know it's wrong and that's why you reported it, collectively but this "charisma" is what it is, that has also broken through makes you turn to being somewhat obsessive over knowing more and fantasising is normal.

It's the charisma part that has got to you... Abductors that control, play God, scare people, yet, somehow they want to know why, more about this person, was he abused? And, so they find a bond of sorts, from feeling "sorry" for him as well, as feeling somewhat, somehow loved.

Tell us about you?

Your life as it has been growing up it may help with more replies.

CW

**jns** · 07-24-2011 09:17 AM

People with strong personalities are attractive for those personalities to some others. A person attracted to such a personality will often ignore or discount character flaws. I'm curious about your answers to CW's questions.

**Anaida** · 07-29-2011 05:38 AM

Hi Chandler's wish, I know what you mean. And what you say could quite be right, I've deveopled a very strong intrigue about him. On one hand, I feel like goign up and punching him in his face, and, on the other, I feel there's something, as I mentioned above, some things in his life that force him to be the way he is. Well, I've had a pretty regular life and upbringing...but I can say that in my first year at college, I was deserted by two of my life's best friends, which left me shattered and with a wall around my emotions. I haven't gotten over that trauma yet in my subconscious, as I understand. Other than that, there's nothing in my life that I'd specify as particularly abusive, except that my mother is a little domineering and I've always resented it. Nothing major, though.

**Anaida** · 08-22-2011 12:09 PM

There's a prof at my college who is nasty, as in obnoxious and arrogant, although a genius.He pissed a lot of us off with his domineering and overtly-elitist attitude. It so happened that we had all reported him to the Dean of students for some of his incredulous behaviours in class. Following which there was a long-drawn battle and he was barred from taking our class again in the future. I was one of those that opposed him the most stringently because of the absymally low grades he'd landed me and I felt I didn't deserve them.

However, after all this brouhaha, I felt myself thinking more about him and getting addicted to thoughts of him.I secretly have sexual fantasies of him and regret the fact that he isn't in our class anymore. I continue to trash and laugh about him while I'm with my friends, but I now tacitly try to catch his stare or attention whenever I bump into him in college. I even memorized questions to ask at a seminar he's co-organized, to just impress him.

Girls, do you think I should share this embarrassing feeling with my friends? I'm dying to, but cannot for fear of being misunderstood.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 08-22-2011 01:06 PM

Did you post about this in the past? I recall this exact same story. As I responded to that post, I think it's common to develop an attraction for someone in more of a leadership role. Happens to many of us at some point. And then his attitude, a rebelious, arrogant, "I don't care what anyone thinks of me" air..... probably just increases that crush even more. But it is just that........a crush. Crushes are fun so long as you don't let it turn into an unhealthy obsession.

**Anaida** · 08-22-2011 01:23 PM

Yes, I had posted this. But I don't know how to shake this off...its frustrating.

I'm better now than before, but get that "feeling" whenever I bump into him.

And I can't share this with anyone.

**Little** · 08-22-2011 01:30 PM

You probably haven't shaken it off because it's only been a month.

Please keep this to one thread. I've merged your old and new threads into one.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 08-22-2011 02:13 PM

Anaida - I can understand the crush, but I don't quite understand the worry about telling your friends. I have at times developed crushes that consume my mind to some extent, but only because I enjoy it, and I don't think I'd enjoy it near as much if all my friends knew.

If it's getting better, then just let it be. Sooner or later you'll be totally over it. I mean really you have two options: 1. Sit back, enjoy the crush and don't let it become an unhealthy obsession or 2. Approach the guy, face to face, let him know your crush.

**stressed** · 08-22-2011 06:22 PM

Professor-student, teacher-student relationships aren't as common as they used to be in the past. Believe me, most professors and teachers are there to do their job, they enjoy the attention (which is very easily noticed by professors even if they don't show they've noticed it) and then go home and either forget about it or joke about it with close friends of theirs. Plus, assuming there's quite some age difference and life experience difference between you two, I don't see this going anywhere.

You admire him as a man and his personality attracts you, but that's as far as it should go for your sake. The less you see him the less you'll think about him.