help, im to jealous and its ruining my relationship

**sparkle2011** · 07-25-2011 04:45 PM

so im dating a girl, and she was talking to her ex, i had no problem with it until she told me she still likes him. so i told her i dont want her talking to him and then she said fine and then she changed him name in her phone and talked to him behind my back, and then i really was like no talking to him and then now thats the only thing we fight about becuse she says they are just friends. but one night she took a shower at my house and was like dont go through my phone dont answer texts from this person so i was like ok. well i ended up going through her phone (which i know it horrible) and it was like hey baby, i love you, and meet me here, i found a random condom , she said it was a girls that she gave a ride home(which i kinda beleive) and then she was secretve and stuff and stuff after she promised me she wouldnt talk to him or see him, and so now she said that she would rather have the good relationship we have now over the constant fighting about this. but now she is like you have a month to get over that fact that i want to still talk to him and stuff. which im totally hurt idk what to do, i dont want to leave her and stuff. but now we havent talked about that for a while but now i cant get over what she had said to me and thoughts when she calls me baby and babe come into my mind how she told him that, idk what to do. should i just get over it and give in or what??

**LanaBear** · 07-25-2011 05:40 PM

If you don't trust her or if you have jealousy issues, IMO, it's best to just call it quits. You obviously don't trust her, if you are going through her phone. If you go snooping, you are more than likely bound to find something that you don't like, no matter how innocent it may be.

You are hurt and more than likely, no matter how much you try, you can't just "get over it". It will always sit in the back of your thoughts.

Why would she tell you she still likes him? Did she mean as a friend or as a lover/boyfriend? You also cannot tell someone that they cannot talk to someone. People are going to do what they want. By you saying she can't talk to him, that's just giving her the green light to lie to you in an effort to not cause a fight.

I don't know... Tough situation.

**KMonte85** · 07-26-2011 07:04 AM

If they're exchanging messages like "hey baby" "miss you" and "love you" then I think it is pretty obvious that there is more going on than just friendly conversation. I'm a girl, I have guy friends, but you better believe I am NOT sending them texts saying I love you and hey baby. Those types of messages are reserved for my fiance, ONLY.

It isn't a jealousy problem when she's carry on in an inappropriate relationship with her ex. It's a girlfriend problem. But you say you don't want to leave her... so just recognize what you're working with, and I suppose just deal with it, and deal with her too-close relationship with her ex. Although I think you would be better off letting her go, so she can be with the guy and you can be with someone who isn't still so obviously hung up on her ex.

**MinnieGem** · 07-26-2011 07:19 AM

id dump her im sorry but if shes still texting her ex those kinda comments u know darn well theres still something going on, an EX is an EX for a reason, you can do so much better than her kick her to the curb,

**stressed** · 07-26-2011 11:38 AM

The situation is clear by your very first line: "until she told me she still likes him". That's where you walk away and give her time to decide what she wants. Continuing staying around after such a statement is only bound to cause unnecessary jealousy from your side, which she clearly caused; either because she doesn't know what she wants or because she likes the attention.

You can't change her feelings about liking him, no matter how much you spy on her or control her, but you can control your own dignity by letting her be or letting her decide. Until that day, you better stay away.

**Seeker_Advice** · 07-26-2011 11:55 AM

Trust is a YOU problem. Jealousy is a YOU problem. Insecurity is a YOU problem. Immaturity is a YOU problem. You went through her phone... Get over it! Or, let it ruin your current relationship, so you too, will be history.

You have to be able/willing to "flip a switch" and get over it. If you can't, get help so you can. If not, then live with the results of your actions.

There is a reason that Ex's are HISTORY. You can choose to remain 'current' or join the long line and become 'history'.

IF she cheats then dump her like a bad habit. Until then, reread what I typed above over and over until you get it.

Just my opinion...