Thread: feeling so lost...

Last summer I was getting my medical screening done because I was accepted into Dental School. That was when I found out that I had Hepatitis B. Everything in my life changed, for the worse. The school could no longer accept me, so I had to change majors. It really hit me hard because I've always been really passionate about my career.

I soon found out that I acquired this from my mother as a child, back when hep b vaccines were not mandatory at birth. My father feels really sorry and helpless while my mother just laughs at what has happened and told me just to deal with it. She said it's not her fault that I'm like this; which really hurts because...I know she did not intentionally give this disease to me but the fact that she acts like she doesn't care or apologize hurts. No one else in our family knows what happened to me as my parents refuse to let others know. People think I changed majors because I couldn't handle dental school (they think I took a semester and quit). None of my friends know, besides my best friend. I'm venting on this forum because I don't want to always feel like a burden and I have no where else to turn. The thing that hit me the most was my ex and I had to break up because of my condition.

My ex and I were together for 5 years, and have known each other for 7 years and we really thought we were each other's soulmate. He started to become a hypochondriac about two years ago, and when we found out about my condition, we broke up. He got tested and test results came back negative for hep b. I initiated the break up because I knew he can't handle being with someone that has this disease and did not talk to him for 3 monthes. (The disease is contagious if one has not gotten their immunizations). He kept trying to call me and insisted we try to work through this to see if he can overcome dealing with someone that has hep b and I gave in. Over the past year he has been improving, he is usually afraid to go out to eat, has all these anxieties about germs, but this year he was getting a lot better. He told his cousin he is starting to accept the fact of being with someone with my condition. Then a few weeks later he started getting depressed and finally told me he doesn't think he can be in a relationship with someone like me anytime in the near future. He said he came to realize he can't keep hurting me, giving me false hope...yet at the same time he said I'm going to stay right here and continue to try to overcome this while you can just go out and do whatever, find other guys.

I feel like I'll never get over him...and him saying things like that just makes it worse.
I had initially told him last year that if we can't work through this I would rather just cut all ties with him, as it hurts too much to stay friends and see him with someone else. We both consider each other best friends...but I don't see how we can just remain friends, when we will always feel something more for each other...He says it's not right for me to cut ties...I don't understand why he wants to stay in contact, wants to call me everynight...when it just hurts more, isn't it just better to try to forget...

I am just at a lost for words, I feel so broken, so numb and dead inside...with school, my family and now I feel like I've lost the one person that I can always turn to. It's all so much for me to handle and I just feel like my world has come crashing down on me.

This is the most ridiculously long post ever. Sorry for spilling my whole life on here, I wouldn't be suprised if no one replies.