Im old and breakups still hurt like

**laguy** · 08-18-2011 12:15 AM

I am male in my early 30s. I think I am normally emotionally stable.

But breaking up is still devastating. My last relationship lasted one year and I spent one year dwelling and very sad over the breakup.

It seems to me like most guys easily move on to new relationships. I cannot and even when I try dating my depressed mood shows through, and obviously that is not attractive.

I am wondering if this is abnormal.

**WildChild** · 08-18-2011 07:36 AM

Being old enough to be your mother, I find your ideas about "old" humorous. I'm in my mid 50s and I'm nowhere near old! How did you get so old? And only in your early 30s? LOL
Break ups can be devastating at any age. My personal observation has been that men tend to have a harder time getting over it and moving on than women do, especially if the woman initiated the break up.

Its been a regular complaint of mine that men seem to fall in love once, get dumped and spend the rest of their lives either living in a hole curled up in a ball in the corner (emotionally speaking), trying to get "even" with all the rest of the women on the planet by dating them and being jerks to them or ever future relationship spend most of it accusing their current lover of doing/being just like the woman who hurt them.
Don't be one of these guys!
Remember that every jerk you date is one less jerk you marry.
You wouldn't want to be with a woman who didn't wholeheartly want to be with you, would you?
Perhaps this lady realized that there were things that would grow into big problems later and saved you both a lot of grief.

You have to look at what positives you learned, what you learned to avoid and be grateful for the lessons and then move on.
Get out and exercise, develop a new hobby (something active - not a new video game) run, jump, bicycle, work up a sweat. Get together with friends, that should include female friends, be good to yourself, volunteer, doing something for others is a huge pick me up.

You need to decide to allow yourself to heal. It sounds like you have had very little practice in this. Try just doing things with a few female friends rather than dating, then there is no pressure. Believe it or not laughter, even when you don't really feel it, is very healing. Try laughter yoga or go to the comedy club or watch some funny movies. Check out Amanda Gore's vid, How To Be Happy. Its a riot and good information. While you are at it watch another of hers- How women Are Different From Men. She is just hilarious.

**Seniora** · 08-19-2011 12:56 PM

This is a very interesting post. I agree with WC, but by the time we are 30 we should be starting to have more stable, lasting relationships - not merely "dating" - and I think this is what laguy is driving at. Try and work out exactly what you think went wrong - write it down, or write down things which didn't seem to go so well - just to make sure that YOU are not the problem. This will help you to move on a feel secure about the future. I had a major breakup when I was 22 and was devastated for years. I realized it was mainly my fault - the boy was good-looking and I was deeply insecure and possessive. We just weren't right together, but didn't realize it until 3 decades later!! Interestingly, 2 years ago I located him on Facebook and he went to see my sister who worked at the same TAFE campus. That was nice of him - but he talked only about himself. My sister said, 'Oh God, I can't believe what age does to people. You were far better off with your lovely-looking husband and 4 beautiful children". Yes, I needed to hear that after all those decades. I saw pictures of his daughters on his Facebook page and I can't tell you the sadness it gave me, since one of them looked so much like he did when I loved him and was engaged to him. But, he was a good, good man and it just wasn't meant to be. He was selfish and so am I. So, I married a man who could tolerate my selfishness and I was able to find other strengths in myself. So, go ahead and grieve - but make sure you know what mistakes were made. HOpe this helps.

**beaver-mom** · 08-20-2011 11:08 PM

Age just make you wiser......And by no means are you old!!! At this age you know what you are wanting in a relationship, Which gives you advantages. Hurting is normal, just like a death, you lost what you thought was your future. Some people have to go though every step of greiving before they can move on. Others just jump right back in. You are SO normal. just take it at your own pace, but in the mean time. take WC advice and get out there keep your body and mind exercised.