Argument? With bf

**katokathy** · 09-14-2011 10:59 AM

So since yesterday I've been really annoyed with my bf and kept my opinions to myself because he was already trying to tune out or change the subject. I told him about what happened to a classmate recently. She was living with her bf (now ex) and they just broke up recently but still continued to live together. It is technically his place. Then not even a week after he brings home another girl and bangs her in their room in my classmate's vicinity. She was a mess after that and stormed out of the house and is now sleeping on her friends couch temporarily. She would come back to collect her stuff and he would taunt her saying "oh you didn't find a place yet?"

Obviously he's a jerk and it's unbelievable what the guy did. I told this to my bf and he actually said "so? What's wrong with that? They're not together anymore"

He says it's guys way of 'getting over it' but with that timeframe it seemed like he didn't even really love her at all, that's why he hooked up so fast and didn't care about her lingering feelings. To me, he was probably just happy to be back on the market. If the guy really loved her he'd be upset for awhile. So here's my bf thinking the guy didn't do anything wrong and even prompted me when I thought was the right time to move on. Definitely not a couple days! Whether it's just a hookup or actually rebounding a new relationship.

He said if we ever broke up, he'd cry. Well now that doesn't seem to be the case if he's pretty much saying he'll bang another girl right after. Even another day when he was checking out a pretty celeb in my mag and said "if you ever die, I'd wait an appropriate amount of time before having sex with her".... I dunno what prompted him to say such a stupid thing but appropriate time? What is that? A few days?

It really questions me whether he actually loves me alot like he says if he gives off the feeling that he's so eager to move on. Am I wrong for being upset??

**LanaBear** · 09-14-2011 11:44 AM

It sounds to me that the two of you are arguing hypotheticals.

Everyone deals with break ups differently. Sure, it is easy to say you would react this way or that way, but you don't know until the two of you break up. So, I don't see why either of you need to be so upset.

IMO, your friends ex, although classless, did nothing wrong. If he wants to go bang a dozen girls, that is his prerogative, they are no longer together. It was a total jerk thing to do to bring her back to the place they shared when she was there, he was probably trying to make her jealous. But bottom line, they are no longer in a relationship. If she would have moved out when they broke up, which would have been for the best, she probably would have never known and would have went on with life.

I don't understand why now you are questioning whether or not he actually loves you??? I mean, who would want to sit there and moon over a relationship that is no longer, sure it would suck, but it is unfair to him for you to expect him to just be all "woo is me" if the two of you broke up. Obviously you would break up for a reason.

**katokathy** · 09-14-2011 12:39 PM

He told me since the beginning that he would never break up with me and that it would have to be me or at least mutually because he loved me too much and that it would take him a bit to get over. But it kinda contradicts what he says now with this situation he's pretty much saying he'll do the same as that guy which just shows how much he really loves me. Not that much if he ups and goes right after. If he gets over it that fast/easily. Maybe it's my insecurity. But isn't it a little selfish and disrespectful what that guy did? Maybe immature? I don't think he was trying to make her jealous if he

supposedly got over here already with what he's doing. What point would he be trying to prove?

I'm not telling him to mope (even when he said he most likely will) cuz it's normal for guys to go out and drink/flirt whatever. At least have the decency to not do THAT if your mature. Especially with his constant talks nowadays about how "if so and so" "I would bang other chicks" etc. It makes me feel like he wants out or something and that he's hinting it

**katokathy** · 09-14-2011 12:44 PM

it annoyed me further when he asked "ok when's a good time to move on?" ummm not a few days. If I counter with "ok then you won't mind if I fool around with another guy right after then?" and he goes silent and drops the subject

**KMonte85** · 09-14-2011 01:59 PM

he's prpbably dropping the subject because he knows you're just going to get angrier and it is silly to continue arguing over something that isn't even actually happening to you.

your projecting what YOU think is the right way to process an ended relationship onto your boyfriend. He's completely entitled to have his own thoughts, feelings, or ways, as are you.

So you don't see eye-to-eye on something like that.. now all of a sudden he's a jerk like your friend's exboyfriend? Now you're going to question his love and devotion to you? For you to so strongly judge him because he thinks differently than you is a red flag. If you keep this behavior up, I have a feeling this "hypothetical" situation you're discussing with him will become reality and you'll get a first hand experience of how he handles breakups.

You need to take a step back and figure out 1) why you would let an argument over a hypothetical situation and SOMEONE ELSE'S relationship rattle you this badly; and 2) why when it comes to subjective discussions, the only reasonable answer is whatever YOU think is right.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-15-2011 03:47 PM

You don't know when that relationship really went sour, it could have been weeks. I remained in my ex-husbands house for 5 weeks, drove me nuts until I could find somewhere else to go... When feelings are gone, they are gone. She may have been torchure to live with

She may have cussed or treated him like a child, we dont' know, you don't know.. His reasons could be to hurt her, as she hurt him, or it could be that he is a dooche bag.

But, they are not you two, like everyone has said..

It may have been morally in-correct what he did, but they weren't together anymore and it doesn't really matter what a person does after a break up, sometimes they do it for comfort, sometimes they do it for spite... You are never going to know what your boyfriend would really do, so don't even think about it, enjoy your relationship. Hanging on to a thought that may never happen will ruin it.

**jns** · 10-24-2011 01:37 PM

What he did was classless, but it was his house. Was she hanging around to see if he would get back with her? Who broke up with who and for what reasons. Was the break up a long time coming?

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