Thread: Reverse situations...

This is more of a "venting" thread.

My boyfriend has brought it to my attention and argued with me before over the fact that I have been distant, unfeeling, and unloving. And there have been those times when I am distant. There are times when I do feel like I don't have a lot to give and I need my space. You know, those nights in bed when you just roll over away from your partner and you just want to skip the cuddling and go to sleep. It's not cause you don't care about him or you don't love him, it's just cause you feel like you need a little space. And how often do you get space when you live with each other and see each other everyday and sleep in the same bed every night? Not much. So I can't argue with him on the fact that I have been distant, but I can give him reasons as to why I feel distant. There is still room for me to be on defense here. I feel a certain way and I wish he would understand that. Why does he have to try and argue?

Tonight, it was his turn to be distant. I came home and he barely touched me. We sat together on the couch and watched tv, and I tried to snuggle to him. He has his arm wrapped around me, but I was the one giving him affection (caressing his hand, gently squeezing and touching his leg). When he left for work, I went for the kiss. He gave me one back, but I could feel that it wasn't anything special, almost like he felt obligated to kiss me back. So, I tried to give him a hug, and he didn't wrap his arms around me. I had to ask him for a hug. I didn't do anything to get on his bad side the last couple of days, so why is he being so distant?

I didn't bring it up. I let him leave for work, but my feelings were hurt. I thought about how I wanted to say something, but if he wasn't feeling up to even giving me a simple hug, why would he want to go into a big long conversation about it. I knew it could possibly turn into an argument, I knew now wasn't a good time to say anything. I also thought about it, how when I am distant with him, this must be how he feels. So I opted not to say anything, maybe he had a bad day and hopefully it will pass...

He brought it up through a text message, saying he knows I felt frustrated when he didn't hug me all tight. I responded, telling him that it didn't frustrate me as much as it hurt my feelings, but told him he didn't have to explain himself. He says it was because he didn't feel good, and I said I wasn't mad, that I have felt distant too at times before, and that I was going to let it go...it just sucked for me tonight because I am sitting at the house by myself...

I don't know what my point is really, just kind of bringing up the topic of reverse situations and observing the different way my boyfriend and I handle things. When it's me being distant, he makes it worse by arguing with me about it. When it's him being distant, I try to understand that maybe he needs some space and that if I give it time it will pass...

He pisses me off so bad when he acts like I am the worst girlfriend ever. Sometimes I wish he could see the little things I do for him, like avoiding arguments and giving him space, not nagging at him about certain things...I know I have my downsides, I am not perfect and I try to pay attention to my own faults, but there are things I do that deserve some type of recognition. I have been practicing on "picking my battles" and the choice of words I use when communicating with him. It pisses me off when I put in effort to make things better and it seems like he doesn't. He just picks and nags at all the things I do wrong. I get so tired of feeling like all I am to him is just a screw up.