When your spouse cannot give you the kind of attention you need.

**marcopoly** · 09-21-2011 12:48 PM

What to do if all your life, every time you get bored with your relationship, you have to explain your spouse why life is turning boring.

What to do when you spouse doesn't realize that she or he is not paying attention to the relationship and all energy is concentrated on kids, house, and work....

What to do, when you start getting tire of not being able to be surprised, not being able to feel special or that you are the most important thing in the world to your spouse..

What to do when they don't get it....they don't understand that to keep in love, you need to take care of that love......

Sucks long term relationships when you realize you and your spouse are so different....what to do...how far can you go feeling like you are the problem of everything happening to your relationship, because it seems that all the problems are your problems.....because your spouse just doesn't feel like you....what to do.....when can you really stop wondering what would it be my life if I were with someone who can get closer to you...and can see how you feel and can understand that sometimes you need someone to talk to you and tell you what you need to hear.....

ahahahahhahahrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-21-2011 02:04 PM

You venting there marcopoly?

What to do? Don't talk about it in that fashion, instead talk about passions, and/or instead change things slowly so it's not so apparent and make the relationship happier, if the other person chooses NOT to listen... Sometimes acting in subtle ways, isn't viewed as change. Although mostly, it will still involve some words, it's taking action:-

"Hey, Mum and Dad are looking after the kids on Saturday, I've booked us a suprise"

"You know I've always wanted to draw or take pictures of things growing in stages, ever thought about doing that, that's a passion of mine".

"Na, although I've wanted to go to cooking classes". "Mmm you could do that and I could take photos and make an album of your success".togetherness.....

I think bringing the passions out in people changes the way they start thinking about life. Too often passion is thrown out the window for chores and work.

**marcopoly** · 09-21-2011 02:16 PM

yea, I am venting...thanks for listening....I love my wife to death, but kills me that she can be without me for hours, and be with me but not talking to me, not touching me, etc....I have done it myself, in the pass, but she didn't really like too much attention....my problem that makes me suffer is that I do want in my life, someone that shows me love, who tells me that I am special and important...

I know some of you are going to say, that maybe she feels all what I am saying but that she just is not verbal.....and you are right, my problem is that in a relationship is important to try to meet in the middle.....what I hate the most, and I am afraid someday is going to mean too much to me, is that I am the only one working in our relationship....she just can't stay on target or be consistent.....she becomes this robot during the week......not very sexy robot.......and when we go to bed, all the sex I want - i guess is the only way i can feel close enough to her so I can be content....it shouldn't have to be like this.....i shouldn't need sex so much, one just needs sometimes someone who make you feel they know you and know what to tell you when you are blue....my wife sucks at this.....thus, i feel lonely...

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-21-2011 02:27 PM

I think, women under-estimate, don't understand that men have emotions too...Alot of women, assume men to be rough, tough and just well ready

It's not the case, they need affection, love, to be told "you look cute, or manly or nice", a kiss of the forehead for no reason, a hug for no reason.

Alot of men complain of no sex, but it works the other way as well, I get that, it's like well thy penis is not a pleasure machine only, sometimes I just want to feel the love there too, intimacy a bond, togetherness, that look in the eye, kiss, connection.

Your wife could be one of those people that views chores as must do, get on with it, it's my job, I have no time, room for anything else, go away, oh don't be so in-secure, geez, I'll get to that later in bed.

This is why I said, forgoe the words - use reverse physcology - and change the routine ....

**stressed** · 09-22-2011 10:33 AM

I understand your frustration and disappointment, yet, I see a different attitude in your posts under the 'sex' section. Here you speak of attention, love and intimacy, but there you speak of fantasies and women ready to fulfill them at any point. I'd like to think that the real answer is somewhere in between, but I sense a stronger need for you to fulfill fantasies and have a 'hot woman ready to do everything I want' than a need for intimacy. It's easily noticed in the other section of the forum.

You should both go to a sex/couples' counselor together to solve this.

**marcopoly** · 09-22-2011 01:00 PM

Originally Posted by stressed

I understand your frustration and disappointment, yet, I see a different attitude in your posts under the 'sex' section. Here you speak of attention, love and intimacy, but there you speak of fantasies and women ready to fulfill them at any point. I'd like to think that the real answer is somewhere in between, but I sense a stronger need for you to fulfill fantasies and have a 'hot woman ready to do everything I want' than a need for intimacy. It's easily noticed in the other section of the forum.

You should both go to a sex/couples' counselor together to solve this.

We have been working in our relationship for 18 months now, and things are slowly moving towards a happy place for both of us, she likes sex and is very much into me....at the begining I thought all these sex is gonna fix the way I feel, wrong!....it is not about a lot of sex, or even kinky sex, is about showing the other one you really love them. How you do that by making them feel special, how do you do that, when somebody really love someone, they know each other, even what you may be thinking....last night I told her around 10 oclock at night that if she knew she was gonna give me a bj and she knew I was thinking of it, why she did not mention it...she could have told me anything about what she wanted to do to me that night (when you see your wife showing you love that way...by making you feel like she knows you so well, is when I feel like we are one with my wife....

Just want to feel closer to her...and to achieve this, she needs to make an effort and making me feel she is thinking of me...like I do with her...you guys should see me....I kiss her, hug her, send her romantic letters and poems, never forget an important date, responsible, solid good father, good provider...funny.....with ambitions in live, etc....she is an excellent mother and friend but she has become lazy at being a girlfriend of mine....I need my wife to be my girlfriend from time to time....anybody understands....

We talk and keep talking but we have passed the face of thinking we have no way to go....we have moved forward together, and are much more happy in our sex lives...which helps enormesly in feeling close to who you love...

**jns** · 09-26-2011 03:15 PM

This may be a case where a wife can multitask but sex and passion are things she cannot multitask.

Work is something that should stop when a person leaves work and work at home also should take only a certain amount of time. Children, on the other hand, can take up all time available and more. That is why there is never enough time for sex and passion, especially during the week. Not budgeting time for it during the week, but budgeting it mostly for the weekends, subject to something else being written in the schedule, is bound to cause conflict.

**FortunsFoole** · 09-26-2011 04:05 PM

How much time do you guys spend away from each other/work/kids? Does she get time to be able to shed those sorts of responsibilities and be a little carefree for awhile?