The differences between every day and I don't want to be with you.

**kygirl** · 09-22-2011 12:58 PM

I love my boyfriend very much. We always get along well and generally have not fought much. We have out disagreements, but tend to work through things quickly and honestly. Lately, I've been noticing that I have been very emotional about his not being as excited to see me. We've been together a little over 7 months now, so I think some of it is just the "newness" wearing off. I've also been living with him (my stuff is somewhere else mostly but I get dressed at his place, go to sleep at his place, we grocery shop, you get the picture) for over a month now.

I feel like most of this is just the newness wearing off, but sometimes it brings up fears of him getting tired of me and creates this wall that I have to consciously fight. I feel like we are both adjusting and happy, but I don't want to keep having all these fears. I also don't want us to *really* start getting tired of one another. THose of you who have been together a long time and/or are married, any suggestions on little things to keep it exciting even when you are together every day??

**Velto_Vixen** · 09-24-2011 09:46 PM

Well i'm going through the same thing but i find fighting good and proper helps me...in some weird way. If there is something you feel you are hiding, let it out, talk it through...yell it through if you have to. Hurt each other...because then you can pick each other back up.

Or else, i think you should go on a date, a proper one. Plan a weekend, go somewhere nice and special where you have to dress up....go the extra mile, buy a new perfume (pray he likes it) wear a new hairstyle, buy a new dress....if everything about you is new and sparkly, and you go on a real date, all the excitement will rush back. This has to be something you two haven't done before together, like....skiing, or taking a cooking class....or something (usually it can involve learning, but it can involve going to a fancy restaurant, or some really wacky place, museum, gallery, etc...).
This new experience can bring adrenaline and other chemicals that are the same as falling in love so should re-spark a bit of a buzz back in it.

THEN also, act like you did in the first week. Compliment him, find out things you don't know about him yet, hug him for no reason...write cute little texts...hide a love note somewhere...buy him flowers or his fav chocolate bar and hide it under his pillow, or on his chair at night so when he goes to work he has a breakfast treat....
These little surprise acts will warm his heart and he'll come back home so grateful and just realizing how much you love him which will make him feel wanted and then happy and appreciative and he'll kiss you more sweetly.

Just what i've learnt.
I've been with my boy for under 2 years, the last one i've been living with him, so i have a taste of advice but probably not one that would work with you, we're a strange couple. I find that dates help so much, just living together isn't enough...you have to get out and have fun together!

HTH

**jns** · 09-24-2011 10:41 PM

I second VV on going together to places that produce memories and photographs. Start working on shared experiences. Yes, you can go to restaurants together and this and that together, but if you have plans of the relationship progressing to marriage or just a long term relationship, you will want to have truly remembered moments. Those memories will help keep each of you from carelessly disappointing the other because you wouldn't want the relationship to end. In other words, you will think, "is this what he or she would be OK with me doing?" Become best friends as well as lovers.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-25-2011 04:32 AM

Never lose your lust, keep going out on dates even if it is with people, we do, nearly 2 years and we come back home feeling like we went out, like the old times, had a date, and sometimes we go it alone.

Bottom line is we can get into a place that turns to "friendships", lust goes but only if you don't work on the relationship..

That includes being cheeky, sexually just because..

Reminding a man of why he fell in love with you, making him feel safe, complimenting his as well, instead of just "living" is important

**kygirl** · 09-26-2011 07:24 AM

Thanks everyone

So far so good. I think my main concern is just making sure we don't get too "comfortable". I think some level of security is nice, but I don't want us to get where we aren't happy to see each other, or we quit doing little things just because. I know that can happy at any stage, but especially since I think this may be it, I want to make sure it feels like it does now, always. I mean, I know it's not *exactly* the same, but I do still want him to remember why he fell in love with me

**SomiticPit** · 09-26-2011 08:44 PM

I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year now, and we have been living together since 6 months. I think the newness wore off just shortly after we started living with each other, and I think it does have a lot to do with the fact that when you see each other EVERYDAY, the excitement and surprise and anticipation wears away. You're not waiting for their phone call or getting excited about his sleeping over, because he's already there. And vice versa. You think it could be love and attraction fading, but it's just another perspective you have to approach "love" with. Love changes with the relationship. At first, it's exciting because it's new. Then love almost seems to fade away only because you've gotten used to its constant presence, which means you have to find it again by approaching the relationship differently, by opening up your eyes to a different avenue...

One thing that I have learned in this short year is in those times where I feel like I'm the one losing attraction, or I have trouble finding the love we used to have, I remember all of the things we have gone through TOGETHER. A brand new relationship doesn't have that. A brand new relationship is all about brand new experiences and the fascination of it. As the relationship grows over time, it gains experience. You learn together and fight together and deal together. It's a good way to step back and appreciate your lover for being by your side the whole time. You love him for being the one willing to walk through the doo-doo right along with you. It's a love you feel for him and it makes me smile when I think about this with me and my boyfriend. We have gone through some really tough times, we have sacrificed for each other and we have dealt with a lot and given each other plenty of doo-doo!! And he's still with me. And I love him for that.

As far as little things I try to do everyday to keep the relationship lively...come home from work with a smile on your face and show him how happy you are to see him. If you feel like he's lost the attraction, put it back in the relationship by adding your own positive energy to it. Make him feel attracted and appreciated and surely he will respond by appreciating you right back.

Don't forget to touch and caress each other. I'm not saying overdo it, but when you are sitting on the couch and you feel like theres a mile in between you two, rub his back and kiss his ear. Just letting him know physically that you find him attractive or want to touch him can add sparks that you think you may have lost.

And this is the thing I am working on right now: Don't take your stress and aggression out on him!! If you have had a bad day at work, woke up on the wrong side of the bed, ran late, had a bad hair day, stubbed your toe, whatever it is, don't take it out on him!! It's not his fault that you let your day get to you. I have to remind myself that when I have a bad day, he is there for me to make it better. I sometimes let him get the worst of my attitude because we live together and he's the only one around. But that can cause so much tension. I have to let myself let him take care of me sometimes.

These are just some things I have dealt with, and as time goes on, I learn so much more everyday. My relationship is so far from perfect, but we're still together and gets tougher than I think I have the strength to handle, but if you really want the relationship to be long term and meaningful, you will find your own creativity to add to your love life.

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