Don't know what to do....

**chesty2141** · 09-24-2011 04:55 PM

Ok yes I am guy writting in women's forum. Sorry but I'm looking for guidance and help from a woman's standpoint. I am an affectionate person and there was once a point where my girlfriend was too. Now I can't get anything from her. She gets mad when i try to hold her, snuggle her, kiss on her, or anything. I try to help in the kitchen she tells me to go away. She has 0 sexual interest in me and I try to explain to her how it makes me feel that she once gave me all this and now pretty much refuses. Tells me I'm being emotional.

The next issue is that before we moved to a new state she came to me and said she doesn't want us going out to clubs or bars without each other. I agree because i have the mentality that it is not a place for someone in a relationship without the other. Now we are out here she is constantly wanting to go out with her new girlfriend who I am not very fond of due to her bad choices she is making in her life right now and i don't want my girlfriend involved in them. This girl is in bar 3 or more times a week and her sister is normally taking care of her child while she does. My girlfriend wants to join her and i dont approve because we have children as well together. She wants girls night out at the bars. I told her I don't mind her having girl time but i would rather her find something else than that to do. She gets angry and starts to throw these tempers or flat out ignore me.

Next thing, she keeps telling me she wants me to go have guy time with the people here. First off, i do. I go to the gym with one of my buds every morning before work. She wants me to go to bars with them. the ones that do are either single and after girls or go with their "significant others." Again I won't because i feel that is not an environment for someone in a relationship and she doesn't see that. She says i make her feel like i dont trust her. I have even explained that i do trust her. I just feel that if she wants to drink with the girls she doesn't have to go to a bar for it.

She wants to get married and gives me regularly that i havn't yet but i feel she is just not ready. I try to talk to her and explain that everything does not go her way and everything does not go mine. We will have our different beliefs and have to find a middle point of agreement on everything. She refuses and says she will not live a life where i have rules for her to follow. I don't know how to get her to understand that im not telling her what to do but that i am telling her what bothers me and i want to find a way to make it a win win situation for us both. I love her to death and I do want to marry her too but all these new situations are not her and i dont know what to do about it because she wont talk to me about it. I want her to be happy and I give her everything but theres just some things she will not compromise to like i have done so much for her. What should i do?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-24-2011 05:14 PM

Welcome to the Forum, don't apologise, we have alot of male members here as well, long term and one off questions.

Can I ask, what it was like before you moved, is she a stay at home Mum.

It seems that this girl that she has befriended, has different view points on life and she likes her ideas, which means to me, she is bored with her life, and sorry, but also that includes you as a couple and so the affection is a turn off.

Often couples get lost into the friendship zone, and then sex becomes just that, just sex. If the chemistry and love isn't strong enough and one partner views it as a friendship zone, that person can not accept the relationship.

Maybe you "both" should go clubbing, she's missing something in her life, and maybe you should both have date nights as well, to re-kindle things a little.

**chesty2141** · 09-24-2011 05:23 PM

She worked then and she works now. I have taken her out a couple times but she wants to go out without me. Sex was great at one point but lately its extremely scarce and all she does is get me off as fast as she can then goes to bed. Won't let me get her a climax or even atleast try to get one herself.

**chesty2141** · 09-24-2011 05:28 PM

She has told me before that she wants to get out of the house more often. The only problem is that she wants to do things like go to the casino or things like that. we are in a serious financial bind from this move until we get work and everything under control and can't afford it. I try to redirect the idea with lets go walk the beach or something in the category of no money required and it isnt good enough. She just gets angry and refuses to leave because its not what she wants. This wasn't her for the first year of our relationship.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-24-2011 06:02 PM

So do you think it's possible she has a gambling problem, that is an adventure, possible win, clubbing is an adventure, drinking and being "different"...

Have you asked her why she likes or wants to go clubbing and why she likes the Casino...

**Mes T** · 09-24-2011 06:14 PM

chesty, can I ask how old she is? Do you know her past relationship history? I have a feeling that she's behaving like this because she hasn't had the chance to have all of these crazy and wild experiences in life and feels she is missing out. It could be that she "settled down" and had children at a point in her life when she just wasn't ready... and now that feeling has caught up with her and is making her desperate to live more like a college student than a woman in a relationship and mother.

I don't know her history so this is just guess work, I definitely could be wrong. But from my own personal experiences, this is what I think could be the case.

**chesty2141** · 09-24-2011 07:21 PM

The Casino is just the thrill of risk. I wouldnt say she has a problem because we hardly ever go. literally 4 times our entire relationship. She says she likes to go clubbing because its a place for her to get drinks with the girls for free during ladies night. yet at the same time she hates drinking and only does it when she is with this girl

**chesty2141** · 09-24-2011 07:36 PM

She is 25. Her relationship history is not good either. According to her family I am the fist guy she has been with that has a car, a job, his own home, and is good to her. Her son she had when she was 21. She had a "crazy" college life for roughly 2 years and got caught in some bad habbits and dropped out to get away from it and get her life in check. Thats when she got a surprise pregnancy. She has told me her college adventure and I'd say she definately "lived" i guess you could say but she never got to live the life of a 21 year old. She is a good mother and is a good girlfriend just recently seems to have her priorities in other places.

**jns** · 09-24-2011 08:00 PM

First, I am a guy. It sounds like she may already have a relationship with someone else or has had feelings for someone else. It sounds like her wanting you to go out with the guys is to have you not keep track of when she is gone because you are gone yourself and she may want to have an issue over you. Adding to everything, she has pulled back from you emotionally. And it sounds like she really isn't interested in a vanilla life style.

Are you good at joking and talking? If not, you can try to be to keep her interested in you. She may not like you being too serious all of the time. Tough times are bad enough but you should be able to laugh about them and yourself.

**chesty2141** · 09-24-2011 08:10 PM

I'm a very big jokster. I constantly make her laugh, I'm a very positive person. Being in the military I have learned to not dwell on what I don't have but appreciate what I do have and make the best of all worse cases. As a leader I as well display this to people around and for the situation in the household I do the same. Tight finances may suck but I always keep a smile on my face and something to make her laugh at the tip of my tongue.

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