married, sad, divorse?

**IsItMe** · 09-29-2011 06:26 PM

I was always the chick that said I was never gonna get married... Well this is my story. The relationship that I had before this one lasted a good three years and then it feel through and well life went on. About 4 years ago I met this guy and things went good like any relationship at first, honestly it still isnt a horrible relationship I just feel like I should get out. He was married previously and that broke up because she cheated on him. But any ways before we got married I had second thought, I talked to my sister and sister in law how I had second thought and I even talked to my now husband how I wanted to push the wedding back. But all I got is If you want to put a hold on this, it will never happen. Well in my mind I thought it would get better and my emotions are still there. I really wish I would have put my foot down! I am not happy at all. I do not know why I went through with it. I am an energetic, spontanious, outgoing, loves the out doors, camping, snowboarding, working out. Well he likes watchin TV and sports and drinking. I just expect more out of him. Like spending time together, I feel like we have nothin in common. He doesnt mow the grass or take the dogs for a walk or fix thing around the house. I dont think Im in love any more.

Im not attracted to him any more either, I see nothing. He has gained a lot of weight and i look at him and just see him as any other guy. We dont have sex I cant even remember when the last time was, and there has been times when he said somethin and I feel like I just cant because there is no attraction. We sleep in the same bed but under different blankets, we never snuggle or touch.

He says he will change but we have gotten in arguements before and he said the same thing. Now that I bring up the Divorce world he says he really will change, I do not thinkg a person should change that much to make someone happy, there is someone out there for everyone and I believe he will find someone better for him than me.

I wish I could turn back time and do things differently. I wonder why I went through with it I wasnt happy then so why now. Im personally not happy, I wake up in the middle of the night and just wonder what I could do to be happy and sometimes even cry. And now for the shocking part..... we have only been married 4 months but been together for 4years. The part of me feeling like this before marriage I do not think I took marriege seriously. Do you think im over reacting? Im sad and I just want to be happy I think a divorce would be a good thing, I also look back and remember thinking I can not break his heart,he has been divorced before, but I think I have to do what is best for me. Any suggestions would help me out......
Divorce or try and work things out

**KMonte85** · 09-30-2011 07:42 AM

Sounds like you are in a rut. Bad news: it affects every aspect of your relationship... you grow distant, you grow resentful, your attraction to him dwindles. Good news: you can regain what you've lost, if you both work at it. There was something in him that made you date him in the first place, something that kept you with him all those years. What was it? Whatever it was is now hidden under the blah, boring, and hohum relationship you have with each other.

Before you head for the big "D", head for a marriage counselor. Tell him how you feel, tell him your marriage is in trouble and you need a professional to help guide you two back on track because his "I'll change" speech isn't working.

At least if you seek help from a counselor you can with a clear conscience say that you did all you could to make it work. It isn't a sure-fire way to save your marriage, but it most definitely won't hurt!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-30-2011 03:19 PM

I think that fear can turn anything ugly. Maybe you carried that " I am not sure" right through that front door from day dot and have never allowed it to develop, marriage is a big commitment like any work, it has to be worked on.

I believe also there is someone for everyone and if you are two totally different people and can not get along, then sure, you should move on. However, this is "marriage" and in that unless both put 100% into it, you don't really know whether or not it had a future.

I think you are looking for a way out as you never really wanted in, you did it for the wrong reasons

I would sit down and discuss openly, the positives and negatives about each other, the common and not common ground of each other, and where compromise may fit in... And give it a go first.

If he has put on so much weight in 4 months, and sleeps with a separate blanket, he knows that he is just "living" in a house and that would make me depressed and gain weight to.

**jns** · 10-23-2011 06:36 PM

Originally Posted by IsItMe

I am an energetic, spontanious, outgoing, loves the out doors, camping, snowboarding, working out. Well he likes watchin TV and sports and drinking. I just expect more out of him. Like spending time together, I feel like we have nothin in common. He doesnt mow the grass or take the dogs for a walk or fix thing around the house. I dont think Im in love any more.

Im not attracted to him any more either, I see nothing. He has gained a lot of weight and i look at him and just see him as any other guy. We dont have sex I cant even remember when the last time was, and there has been times when he said somethin and I feel like I just cant because there is no attraction. We sleep in the same bed but under different blankets, we never snuggle or touch.

Surely in three plus years you were able to determine if he liked the things you do. And you were able to determine his habits. How much weight has he gained in 4 months? Is it right to think of dumping the spouse every time they gain weight? I feel sorry for him. Maybe counseling will work.