Just need some opinions
Hi everyone,
I'm new to the forums so thanks in advance for taking the time to listen to my story!
I've been in my relationship for 2 years now. There was so trust issues on my boyfriend's part at the start due to me talking to another guy... This we before anything became serious and i totally understand why he would feel that way.
It took some time but we've moved past it.
We ended up having a break a few months ago...(His idea) Because he felt that he wasn't making me happy. And i could see why he felt that way, i wasn't happy. But it was other things in my life at the time (family, work etc).
So now we are starting again and working on our issues.
Here is my problem. When he goes out with buddies i always ask that he gives me a little text when he gets home, so i know he's safe. Almost every time, i get odd texts through the night which is fine i don't expect him to text me all night when he's out.
But at the end of the night he never texts and has the same to excuses always "I fell asleep or my phone died" I would understand if it was just a one off, but it's all the time.
When i'm out he texts asking stuff like "who's there?" "where are you's going?"
I just feel it's not too much to ask for a little text at night?
I thought i completely trusted him, he's never done anything for me to be worried. But now i am starting to worry... is he up to something?
Again thanks for reading!
Any comments much appreciated!
No, a simple text from the man you care about, knowing he is home safe, is not too much to ask.
His excuses are weak and too frequent but before you blow this all out of proportion, have a face to face conversation with him about it.
If it continues after you've dicussed it and made it clear how important it is to you, then I'd be concerned.
Also sounds like he lacks some repsect towards you and your relationship and/or some maturity too.
Thank for your reply seeker!
I have discussed this with him a few times he knows how i feel about it, yet continues to do it.
I don't really know what my next step is... He's a wonderful person but i just can't get past this.
I'm starting to fear the worst. But i don't know if that's me just being insecure
Seems to me like you should take it to the next level, whatever that means to you in your situation.
Clearly, IMO, he's not getting it...how much his activity bothers you and IF he truly cares about/for you, he needs to "get it".
Are you prepared to take the next step? It may be difficult and/or painful but don't you think you deserve better? Really?
On the surface, you sound like you're more into him then he is to you. I may be totally off here...but based on what I've read and you've said, that's the feeling I get when I read your posts.
IF he is truly a wonderful person then there is no but...He's a wonderful person but...
Truly wonderful partners don't disrespect their SOs by continuing to do things that bother them. It just doesn't happen in a caring, loving, mature relationship.
Lots to think about.
I think the problem is, is whilst he commences the night out with the boys, you are on his mind which is a good thing, because he sends you random text messages...Alcohol, let's face it, if he drinks, puts you in a different place where your mind can really only focus on, what's at hand and so he forgets.
It's nice to know someone is safe, but that is a Motherly instinct, you are his girlfriend you should therefore go to sleep and know that you can trust him and text him in the morning "good morning how was your night"...
He on the other hand has the trust issues still, by bombarding you with who are you with, who is there...
You will send yourself crazy and exhaust yourself, if you toss and turn, don't sleep, worrying..each time he goes out
I don't think you should be concerned about anything alongthe lines of cheating, as he text messages you throughout the night, that means you are on his mind...
A mature "man" would remember as he wouldn't probably be partying with the boys so hard, a young boy would not, if he parties hard, he's looking for his bed to sleep on...
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
Alarm bells went off in my head as soon as i read your post (sorry!) I think you should always trust your gut feeling, and although there are indeed many genuine explanations for not texting when he gets in, to do this every time is a red flag IMO. If he is a little worse for wear and the screen looks rather blurry, then he could ring you when he gets in, could he not?
Another explanation could be that his insecurities about who you are out with and where you are going, have rubbed off on you. I was with someone that would question my every move, "you must be wearing something like that because you are cheating" - six months down the line, i was the most insecure person in the world and turns out that he was cheating on me from day one. Great guy. Anywayyy... he should respect your wishes, you are not asking him to perform open heart surgery, its just a simple text. When you go out, do you always send him a text once you are home? If so, stop doing it and see how he feels.
“As you regonise that you already own the wholeness you seek, and no one outside you can give you more than you already are, dysfunctional situations will evaporate like bad dreams exposed to the morning sun.”
He probably does not think that texting you that he is alright is that important. Maybe you could incentivize it by having him promise to give you $5 for every missed text.Originally Posted by Nura
I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
...
Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?
Patrick Henry
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