7 year relationship. Love or Habit?

**Sofilmr** · 10-05-2011 12:47 PM

Hello, everyone... Im having trouble deciding if im with my boyfriend cause i love him or cause im used to him.. HELP!
I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years now, ( since I was 13 !).. I loved him veryyy much... he was my first everything!.. but a few months ago I just started feeling different about our relationship..I've been wanting to have fun, meet new people, just live a different life..I just dont feel Happy anymore.. plus i have a career and continue studying and he doesnt do much, I feel I want to admire the guy im with, and is not really my case ... i just feel i want to meet someone thats on the same page as me.. or just be alone..... im so confused! I love him and appreciate him but I think thats not enough anymore... PLEASE HELP!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-05-2011 02:26 PM

At 20, you get to see the direction your life is taking you and all the hard work and excitement for future is there to be had. You also get to see, how people view life and it appears that your boyfriend appears to be happy "breezing" through life, no ambitions, goals...Stands to reason that you are on different pages now..Unfortunately, we change as we get older.

Unless you can kick him up the butt to get going with life, and to also have a little adventure, you will continue to grow and he will be stagnant, mosing along ...It's time to honestly talk to him about how you feel and decide from there.

**miffed23** · 10-05-2011 03:13 PM

I believe it is important to ask talk to your boyfriend as CW said, air your feelings, he might be feeling the same way. In my experience, many people go through this, its the five to seven year lull, emphasised more by the fact that you are a young woman - what you have got to ask yourself is, is there still a spark there? Do you get that loving feeling when you see him? Or have you become more like brother and sister? Can you imagine your life without him?

Are you feeling like there is more out there for you? Having a clean break, no contact (if your boyfriend will go along with that) might be worth a shot, if you miss him terribly and struggle to be without him, you have your answer. But, if you make progress and manage to be apart from him then unfortunately, it would suggest that your relationship has run its course. He is your first love, he will always be very special to you but we all grow and change and need to find someone who will match that growth.

**Sofilmr** · 10-05-2011 03:19 PM

Thanks chandlers.I have talked to him many times about how i feel and how i think that if he does something with his life then maybe thing would get more intresting between us...he always says he knows and that he is going to do something like start studing, but he never does and now i just dont believe him anymore..but its just so hard to end a 7 year relationship...im afraid ill end things with him and then regret it..but i also dont want to, later on be regreting the fact that im still with him.

**Sofilmr** · 10-05-2011 03:47 PM

Hey MF23, i ask myself those questions everrrryyy day... and No there is no spark in our relationship, i don't get that loving feeling.. i sometimes miss him... but then when i do see him is like just another day... there's nothing special. it feel like im doing something i HAVE to do and not something i WANT to do...
I feel like i should give myself a chance to explore other man out there but what if I miss him and want to be back with him?? what if he doesn't want to ?...I'm so affraid to leave him and then regret it...but im also afraid to be with him and regret the fact that i didn't do what i wanted to.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 10-10-2011 01:00 PM

You can't live your life basing your decision on "what if's" when it comes to love. You may date 50 guys before you meet your soul mate. If every one of them you hang on to because "what if" you regret it later on, you'll never get to your Mr. Right. I have struggled with this, and FINALLY I'm learning that if I question whether or not I'm with a guy for the right reasons, I'm most likely not.

It's time to get out there in life and spread your wings a bit. I think that's pretty clear. Chances are, you'll never look back.... but if it's truly meant to be you two will come together at another point in life when you're both ready for each other.

**kygirl** · 10-10-2011 02:09 PM

I have to agree with BD. I wasted a LOT of time trying to make someone fit what I needed them to be or even just staying with someone because I didn't want to be alone. I was also trying *SO* hard. I have to admit, that even though some people may want to, at 20, I felt like I had a lot of life left to live and I do agree with you. You *should* admire the person you are with and you both *should* be on the same page.

THings change and develop in any relationship that has lasted for that length of time, but maybe your paths are just starting to diverge. Don't waste more time dwelling on it. Talk to him. Get his thoughts and let him know how you feel. Regardless of what he says, it still may be that you need some time to yourself as a woman to figure out what you truly want and need. If that happens to be the case, then take the time. If not, even if thinks work out, you'll start resenting him for not taking that time. Only you know what will make you happy here.

Good luck!