Am I being abused and don't even realize it??

**babygabesmom1211** · 10-08-2011 03:33 PM

I've been with my boyfriend since February. For the first half or a little longer he was great to my son(age 7) and I. He knew I loved being a stay at home mom but would like extra income. He is about 6 years older than me and has a 4 bed room house, 3 cars, one of which is a brand new BMW. I live in a 2 bedroom apartment, drive a car that is almost 10 years old, and have allowed myself to be abused and mistreated by men in the past. I had a prescription pill problem for a year and a half and that required me to go to an outpatient rehab for several months and I would have been clean 3 full years this coming January. After hearing me complain about not being able to find a good paying job (didn't finish college and hadn't worked since I was 18) he suggested a website that I look at. He said he knew some people that had used it before and made a whole lot of money. To make a long story short, I ended up and still occasionally do, even though I usually make up stories to keep from going, using this website which required me to post sexy pictures of myself (no nude or private parts) and basically give massages, sometimes nude. The money was amazing. I was getting paid up to 300.00 or sometimes a little more per client and it didn't require me to do anything sexual to them or them to me. I didn't like it but the money was so easy and it allowed me to pay so many bills and do things for and with my son that I had never been able to do. To make a lot of money, my boyfriend would watch my son, cook for him, clean the house, do laundry, take my son places, and then come stay with me on the weekends when my son goes to visit my parents and his dad. Then he slowly started to ask to borrow money for his house and car note. They are both practically new and cost almost 2,000. Plus my rent is 890.00, gas, electricity, cable, cell phone, etc... It seems like now I'm almost working for him. He tells me all the time that he loves me and he has never hit me and has been better to my son than his biological dad. Basically, I feel like I'm being pimped out. Even though I'm not doing anything sexual, giving or receiving, it could still get me arrested. I wouldn't be able to function if I lost my son because I'm in jail or if my friends or family found out what I am doing. I work an hour and a half away to try to prevent that from happening but the website is becoming very popular. I don't show my face but it could still be found out somehow. I love this man, but its like I'm starting to feel like I'm being abused and mistreated in a way that isn't physical. He will make me feel really bad if I don't go work and he doesn't have all the money he needs. Keep in mind that neither do my son and myself. I don't know if he just tells me what he knows I want to hear to make me do things I really don't want to because I have gotten pretty good at spotting the rotting and spoiled apples before I spend years of my life with them. Being away from my son is so hard so I tried only working two or three days but unless I ended up staying awake 24/7, and I'm not exagerrating, literally taking calls 24 hours a day, I wouldn't make as much money. He made certain drugs available to me, knowing my history and how I'd come, just so I could make 6-700.00 more. That doesn't feel like a loving relationship to me and it makes me question if he has done this before with 1 or more girls. Maybe I'm overreacting and just need to approach him and tell him I want to finish college or go to a technical program that takes shorter time. I guess if he gets upset and doesn't support my decision I'll definatelty know that I was wrong....bad apples can hide how bad they are when they've had a lot of practice. Any advice? Please don't criticize me. I feel stupid and bad enough about what I've done. I don't need lectures, just advice and nicely worded opinions. Thank you. This is my first time posting so I was nervous and it was extremely hard to admit so many negative things about myself when I'm really a good person and have been a great mom, except when I was abusing drugs of course. I just want to be happy and find the right man for my son and me. I'm so lost!

**Crystalblue** · 10-08-2011 04:23 PM

The only problem I see with what you're doing, is that you don't want to do it. Nobody has the right to twist your morals and make you do things you don't want to do. It's great that he treats your son nice, but there are lots of good guys out there who would, without "pimping you out". It sounds like this relationship has turned on you where you're being used. Be very careful taking pills, especially if you have a history of abuse problems with them. Does he know about your rehab? If he pushes pills on you, that's a big red flag. Someone that cares about you would never do that in the name of money.

It seems like this may have started out easing past the line for you, until things got out of control and beyond your morals. You can change your mind. Your allowed to stop if you want, whether or not he wants you to continue. This is not a nice guy. He's using you to pay his bills.

**BabyGirl** · 10-08-2011 06:52 PM

3 Things..
Here as Chrystal said.

And I trust her Judgement
Guy is a PIMP

My Advice is to

1) GET OUT NOW WITH THE CHILD.

2) Take any Important Documents ( Yours & Child's ) put them in a safe place.

3) You can Change Back to your " Morals " and or create your Own.
But you mentioned Jail and Prison and Living without your Son

4) Get off the Internet or at least use it in a Safe Way, meaning for Jobs or Houses or Help.

5) Tell him NO, No More. Child comes First.
And you can and Will move back to a 2 bedroom Apt, Not have a 4 bedroom home and Beemer to take care of .

Not sure why you say you can go to Jail, but if it is Legal in the USA, you cannot go to Jail or Prison,
for just Internet Sexual Video's of " Self " if over the 18-21. Age depending on if you are of Legal age, No one under ( federal law ) can post Produce or exhibit, Pornography.

Those can be " Tracked " by the Big "G ".. Especially .. Nowadays. now you can be tracked by Income. by email and cell numbers, by bank or other Transactions.. Like Car payments, Insurance, Auto Draws.

It seems, you are Concerned. About Now and also the Future.

**babygabesmom1211** · 10-13-2011 10:56 PM

I told him that I wasn't going to do it anymore and he said that was fine. I've seen him slightly less than before but I guess its a woman's intuition that something else is going on. Like, I do think he has other girls doing this.
*Babygirl- it is definately illegal. That's why I made the decision to stop. He does and did know about my previous drug history but he wasn't offering what I had taken before. It was something I had never done nor tried.
I guess I just had to write it all down to see it for what it was. I love him and he claims to still love me and wants to be with me and my son but I'm way too iffy on all of that now. I told him I need to time to get back to being me. Fortunately, I'm not addicted to anything. Although, had I continued I'm sure I would've been. To me, that would be just as bad as going to jail because now my son would be old enough to realize if something wasn't right with me. I love him too much to do that him or myself. Thanks so much for not telling what I a horrible person I was becoming because of what I was doing. I can see things clearly now and if he can't love me for who I am and who I want to be or what I want to do, then me and my son will be just fine without him. I need more than words to justify how he feels. If I don't see it, I'm not even thinking about believing it.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 10-14-2011 07:35 AM

Make a rule for yourself now, and commit to yourself: "I will NEVER do ANYTHING that even could possibly result in the loss of my child."

Could what you were doing result in the loss of your child? Absolutely.
Could using drugs result in the loss of your child? Absolutely.

This man is living beyond his means. He wants more than he earns. He encouraged you to do something illegal (you are an adult, you made the choice to do it, but he still encouraged it) that could result in your little boy having to lose his mother, and then even asked you for money resulting from the illegal activity. Is this a man that will love and protect you? I think not. Is this a man that will live way beyond his means and put you and your family (if you marry) in tremendous debt? Yes. Is this a man that is willing to put your safety and the safety of your son over his own selfish desires to have material things? No. For goodness sakes, this is a man that knows your history with drugs and made them available to you so you could do what? MAKE MORE MONEY. All else aside, is this truly the type of man you want for yourself and the type of role model you want for your son?

The way you were living, 2 bedroom apt, 10 year old car, struggling to make ends meet........that's how most of us live. You are NOT a horrible person. But you do need to rectify what's been done by getting out of this and making your way on your own.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-14-2011 02:14 PM

Wow, what a clever man...BMW, 4 bedroom place, the world is his oyster, just locate vulnerable struggling women who perhaps have a little past as well, and show them this website, let them get excited about money, the feel of it, offer his kindness, caring nature, what a man, and then once hooked, get his house and car paid off. May take a few years but there are plenty of women out there that will fall for it and do it.

So sorry you got caught up in this...

Now it's time to go...

Put it down to another life lesson but like BD stated, make yourself a rule, your son is way more important than money, or a man, use your intuition always.

**jns** · 10-24-2011 11:06 AM

It's good you have quit. Your bf is a leech. Get rid of him. If you want to do massage legally, you have to get licensed in most areas. You have to take classes and learn some medical knowledge. You have to have insurance. You have to have a respectable place to practice or appropriate portable gear. Legitimate massage is a good thing, illegal massage is a gateway to prostitution.