Very Tough Situation! Need an outsiders opinion. Please help, thank you!

**petunia68** · 10-09-2011 10:46 AM

Ah! I have found myself in quite a pickle. My best friend of many years is going through a divorce. She was living out of state and due to financial adversaries-as a result of the divorce-she has had to move back home. She asked me to keep her dog for her for a short while, because she wasn't able to keep her where she was staying. I was very sympathetic towards her situation and wanted to do what I could to help so I agreed. Several problems have arisen since. I was promised that as soon as she got settled in, saved some money and found employment she would no longer ask this of me. In the very beginning I should have set limitations but she promised not to take advantage and I of course believed her-so, I didn't. Anyway 4 months later, "a job" has changed to "the right job" and not only is her dog staying with me full time but she has gone from visiting occasionally to moving in 2-3 days per week. While she is here she cries and talks about the divorce and her ex non stop. I feel terrible about her situation but at the same time it is a little much to bring into my home every week. Also, her dog is much more work than what I'd expected. One example of something that is the most stressful-He is territorial and aggressive, nipping and growling, and this has caused an issue with my own dog, neighbors and people visiting

My husband and I have two kids, an elderly dog of our own (who is running out patience), and we are very very busy people. Our plate is so full and I am running out of room for all of this. I want to help but this is getting too heavy. What do I do? I've already tried talking to her about the situation lightly but she isn't getting it. Is there a kind way to do this? Please help!!!

**Claret** · 10-09-2011 11:15 AM

I would suggest that you just frankly tell her that "it's been 4 months now, we have to make permanent arrangements for your dog outside of my home". Tell her that although you are sympathetic to her plight, you feel she now needs to make more independent choices and get into situations, groups, and acvtivities where she can meet other people as friends. You then, must be conveniently "busy" when she asks to bring the dog or herself over for anything other than a cup of coffee.

**petunia68** · 10-09-2011 11:24 AM

Thank you Claret! You have no idea how helpful it is to hear this from an outside source. You worded everything perfectly. Sweet and simple...there really is no other way. I have learned a major life lesson with this.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-09-2011 02:01 PM

We have hearts and we are supposed to be there for friends, or else the word does not exist to us, for that person.

When a "friend" steps over the boundry, you have to question if they really are a friend, or if they use people, and therefore, whos life you need to look after...

Your dog is old, this dog is asking to take over, your dog does not like that, understandably...

Dear........I am so happy you have found a new journey in life, your new job, what a great new start. You need to forget your past now and move on with your future.... I will help you set up a place, we have to start to look for one and get this sorted now. Unfortunately "digger" is very old and doesn't have much time left on this earth and I want him to have the bestest life, he is naturally like my son, but your dog is wanting to take over and I can't allow this anymore...also as my friend, it's important to tell you the truth, that's what friends do, you need your own place, your own life, you are focusing still on the past and you aren't happy...A fresh beginning is what you need. I will always be there, but we are so busy ourselves, staying over in addition (I know you miss your dog) is too hard it is putting us behind with the things we are trying to do as well...as that's half of our week...although we've loved having you, as I said, it's time to help you onto your next journey in life further.......You would only want me to tell the truth because that is what real friends are for...