A Little Heartbroken

**katzintheclouds** · 10-10-2011 06:08 AM

About two years ago my boyfriend got a new job & met this guy who he became good friends with. His new friend ended up having a girlfriend & we all started hanging out frequently, it was the first couple me & him had found here to have fun with. Before I knew it though me & this girl were super close, almost inseparable, way closer than he was with the guy. We spent almost every night together, I began watching her child for few a few nights a week & got really intertwined in her life. Then I started to realize that her relationship was pretty toxic, she would call me crying about her boyfriend, telling me all these things that they would say to each other in fights & all the mean things she was told. It was hard to be in that situation since my bf talked more to him, obviously getting another side of the story. I was always there for her, any time of night or day & I always got super concerned about her. I would cry with her, I felt like I had to do something but my hands were tied. Then as time went on, I realized we had become so close that I started to like her as more than a friend. After we got drunk together one night, we ended up making out & getting pretty into it, but it all felt so natural. It didn't make things weird, we went about our normal business but we always skated that line. Everytime we got drinking together, we'd gravitate to each other sexually. We never went further than making out but I know I wanted to, it was just too complicated.

Then, suddenly she broke up with her boyfriend. I know it needed to happen, they had a pretty rotten relationship, but it sent a huge rift in everything. Suddenly my boyfriend & I had to choose "sides" & we found ourselves beginning to fight a little. Then after she had moved some stuff out, she wanted me to leave town with her for a while. When I said no, she got upset & decided she didn't like me anymore, that I was being mean & she left without saying goodbye. We didn't have a huge fight & I didn't yell at her, I just stepped back & told myself that it was for the better since the drama in her life had seeped so far into mine it was stressing me out beyond belief. Even though it hurt, after she left I felt more centered & calmer about things because I wasn't dealing with her problems.

It's been about five or six months now, and I have to admit I just really miss her. Both as a friend & whatever else it was she was to me, I know I had strong feelings for her. I know she was toxic to me & I know my life is much less hectic without all the drama that usually follows her around but I really did like her. Almost love her, I would say. We're still friends online & every now and then we'll comment on a few things or write one sentence to each other. I see her post pictures of herself & find myself staring at them & wanting to cry.

I don't really know what I expect as an "answer" I think that I was just more or less hoping to vent about this since I've noticed this happening recently. Should I just let her go?

**Beautiful Disaster** · 10-10-2011 10:14 AM

Yes.

I know it's not that simple when there are feelings involved. But first and foremost, you're in a relationship with someone. Unless you two have agreed on an "open relationship", then anything you do with anyone else whether male or female, is being unfaithful to your partner. If you find yourself longing to be with other people, perhaps you should consider taking a break from your current relationship. Is it really fair to him to be with someone who secretely longs for someone else?

Second, the girl is clearly full of drama. I've seen relationships like this, between girls when one of them is a toxic drama queen........and let me tell you, it never turns out well. But, as a result of her drama, everything with her is majorly intense, which can lead you to think you feel more strongly than you truly do. But get in a relationship with her, and see how quickly the drama gets old.

Ask yourself, if you did not have feelings for her, would you truly miss her friendship? It doesn't sound like she's good for you in either realm: friendship or lover.

**katzintheclouds** · 10-10-2011 02:31 PM

I think the reason why this has come up even more so, is because my relationship is getting near it's end. We've been together for 5 years & things are going downhill. I've written about it in other places & realize that I am slowly detaching & withdrawing from it, slowly cutting ties. We have a lot involved because we live together but thats a whole other story. The thing with her is that it feels like we broke up in a way, I've been so strong with it though, really. I'm not looking to start a relationship with her or even trying to be anywhere near as close to her as I was before, like I said it's just a bit about being heartbroken. She IS full of drama and I know that, I've always known that & hated it about her. She had a track record before I was friends with her where she got close, fell hard into a relationship & then it ended just as abruptly as it started, usually just like ours where the person disagreed with her or decided to do something she took as "unfriendly" & decided that they weren't worth her time. The drama would have gotten horrible, I would have never really had a reliationship with her, I don't think I could take it.

I guess I'm not looking to have that relationship again and I wish we could just be friends but I think with her it's just all or nothing. Either your that close or your not. I keep up with her a little online, we're still on each other's friendslists & I just stay out of drama with her. I just have to admit to someone (and this I see as a safe place to do so) that it hurts to see her & know that we're at this point, where I can't have those good times anymore with her. It's just so sad sometimes when I think about it, I know I'm better off but still. And yes, I think the big thing is that I had feelings for her more than friendship. I also think that right now I miss those good times with her because my relationship is ending, and when my boyfriend & I would fight before, she was always there for me intimately. Even if it was just letting me put my head on her lap. I think I just need to find a healthy relationship at this point with a man or a woman, or just have none at all. It might be best for me to just stay out of one all together.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-16-2011 01:57 PM

I think that as your relationship was in its own stage of a downhill turn, with less if no emotions, togetherness, this situation with this girl that came along fullfilled that gap...Someone needed you, someone needed a hug and would give it back, someone bonded with you and you them and the attraction came into play, as so much of all of that you were missing at that time in your life.

It's funny how the Universe works. When a person enters your life, often it is for a reason.. Often they do not stay in your life for ever.. She filled a void.. She taught you that you can love again so you do not need to settle just because it has been 5 years and she taught you that through thick and thin, you can tough it out with someone.

She probably felt awkeward that you said not..She probably felt the same as you did then but thought that you would travel on her journey...

I think that one day you should express the time you spent as friends and "whatever" to her as a special time in your life, never let things ever go un-said...It never gives closure to anyone.

**aniahunks** · 10-17-2011 12:47 AM

I think that you used to be deeply attached to her emotionally that whenever she had problems in the past, you are the one that she lean on. And you used to be that way. But now that she is far away, you missed that feeling.

katzintheclouds remember that you are currently on a established relationship. whether you have feelings for her or not, you have to weigh things according to what is in "reality".