Seeking some sound advice!!!

**Tropicaleyes** · 10-10-2011 11:32 AM

Hi! I'm new on here, so I hope I'm posting to the correct place. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 1 1/2 years. I moved in with him May of this year. He's a single father of 4 kids...7, 11, 16 and 18. I have a 19 year old son and he decided not to move in with me. He said he's been an only child his entire life and it would just be too much for him now. It broke my heart, but I understood. He's living with my parents, about 15 minutes away from me, and we have a great relationship. He's working, going to college, volunteering and has had a gf for the past 4 1/2 years. I couldn't be more proud!

Well now to my relationship issues. I met my boyfriend online. We connected right away, but I always thought there was something odd about our sex life. He blamed it on having 4 kids, but he still has 4 kids and our sex life is very active right now. Well, the first time he broke my trust was right after he asked me to be his girlfriend. He was still on the dating site and claimed that he was just waiting for his subscription to end. On the last day it ended he happened to give his name, phone number and email address to one of my friends on that site! This was after he asked me to be his girlfriend. I have not fully trusted him since then. I have caught him emailing his ex sex partners 4 times now. August was the last time, that I know of. He's asked them for naughty pics, and has reminisced about their past sexual encounters. I find myself not trusting him at all and always checking up on him. This is NOT the life I want. He use to watch porn A LOT, but I expressed my opinion on that and almost left him. He's the type of guy that checks out every female walking by. I'll be having a conversation with him and his eyes turn, he looks at the girls butt and looks right back into my eyes. Well come to find out, he has cheated in every serious relationship he's been in. He cheated in his marriage so many times, he won't admit to just how many.

It's a lot to help him with his kids. Their mother is out of their lives, so he has full custody. His son has ADHD, his daughter has early signs of bipolar and she's ADD. I'm tired all of the time! They love me and I love them, but I'm really confused. When things are good between us, they're really good, but I'm not sure it's worth it to chance getting hurt again. He's talking to the Pastor of our church and he wants to become a better man, but I've heard it all before. One last thing. I know this is petty, but it makes me question his love for me. We went to a haunted attraction this past weekend. I'm extremely claustrophobic, and he kows it. Well there was a place I was afraid to go through because of this and I said I couldn't do it, I'll go back, I just kind of freaked out and he left me! He went through it. One of his friends had to help me. I get outside and he's searching on his phone!?!?!?

I'm really looking for some good advice!

**lizzardb63** · 10-10-2011 11:48 AM

I think the answer is clear and you said it yourself:

This is NOT the life I want

but it makes me question his love for me.

I just kind of freaked out and he left me! He went through it. One of his friends had to help me. I get outside and he's searching on his phone!?!?!?

YOU ARE NOT BEING PETTY. This guy is not respecting you and you deserve better! Just re-read what you all wrote...if it was somone else who was writing...what would YOU say to them? Say it is a niece, good friend, or co-worker. Would you think the guy was treating them like he should, or pretty poorly. I'd say ditch him! You have your son who is going to love you no matter what and you don't need to deal with the stress your current boyfriend is putting you through.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 10-10-2011 12:53 PM

It's time for some serious soul searching here. Your son is living with your parents instead of with you, and I'd venture to guess that his excuse of "I've always been the only child" is just that, an excuse in his efforts to try and be supportive. Sounds like a great young man. But in the same breath, he'd have to be a saint on Earth not to eventually feel some sort of resentment about this situation. Sure, he's 19 and should really be living on his own anyway or with roommates, but you have in a sense, chosen this man and his family over your own. I know that sounds harsh...but I'm trying to be blunt with you here. And it's not like you've chosen your knight and shining armor. You've chosen someone you met online, who has a history of lying to women, who has lied to you, you have admitted that he betrayed your trust early on but you still moved in with him, etc etc. You may love his kids, but they are not your kids. I'd venture to guess you're doing more than your fair share in raising them....while your own son feels like he can't even live with you, much due to the chaos I suspect. You said it, this is NOT the life you want for yourself. Ask yourself, do you HONESTLY see it changing? And if not, what are you waiting for?

Snap yourself back into reality. He is not your knight and shining armor. He is not the loving passionate attentive man you thought he was going to be. He needed a caretaker for his children while he has his fun, sneaks, cheats, and whatever else he does.

Your life is worth so much more.

**oxy-moron** · 10-14-2011 09:09 PM

I agree with girls - You are better off without him.
Reading what you have written I think that you can see it too.
Find someone else who respects thier partners- not someone who is out for what they can get.