Boyfriend's been acting like a jerk lately...very unlike him.

**asiangrace** · 10-10-2011 12:13 PM

My boyfriend of (almost) three years has been acting out of sorts the last few weeks. He tells me nothing is wrong, that he's "just tired and working alot" He has been working a lot, but he's never acted this jerky before.

Here are the most recent happenings: on Friday night we were suppose to have a horror movie marathon. Something I looked forward doing with him all week. Friday night comes, he gets caught up playing Halo and completely blew off the movie night. I ended up just going to bed.

Saturday: We have had plans with another couple to do dinner and a corn maze. An hour before we're suppose to meet them, he decides he doesn't want to go. Tells me to, "have fun" on a double date without him. Nothing I said would convince him to go. He said he was tired and wanted to watch sports. I ended up going to hang out with our friend's anway and was so mad I just spent the night at their house. He didn't call or text or anything to check in. I was gone the whole night without telling him, and he didn't try to check in to make sure I was okay. Later, I found out he had gone up to the bar with a buddy to watch UFC fight. So he was too tired to go out on a relaxing date we've had planned for a month but not too tired to go to a crowded, loud, smokey bar for three hours? I mean, it's a corn maze. It's not like I had planned for us to run a freaking marathon.

He still has not apologized.

Then today, he says he forgot there is a football game on Halloween night. we've had plans with the same couple to go over there for dinner, watching movies, and handing out candy. It's been tradition, so it's not like he didn't know about it. Now he's saying if we dont' watch the football game at their house on Halloween, he probably won't go. He'll stay home and watch it.

It's really making me mad and he's giving no reason why he's acting like this.

Here's the catch: Our three year anniversary is coming up on Wednesday the 12th and I am pretty sure he's going to propose. I found out by accident - he told me I could go through his phone to try and find pictures of him and me, and I came across a text message he left on his screen making arrangements to pick up the "engagement ring"

Is he acting like a jerk to throw me off, or is he really acting like a jerk just for fun. He's been doing these kind of things the last four weeks. It's very unlike him.
Usually if he does something to make me upset (or vise versa) we're able to talk it through. It hasn't been like this lately. I'm really hurt and angry he's not talking to me about it or apologizing. He's making me so mad, I have it in my mind to tell him "no" if he does pop the question...

**Beautiful Disaster** · 10-10-2011 12:39 PM

Acting like a complete jerk isn't a good way to make anyone want to marry you.

It sounds to me like he's completely blowing you off and disregarding your feelings. It also sounds like he's purposely canceling things with you so that he can do what he wants, WITHOUT you.

Have you pushed engagement with him? In other words, do you think he's feeling pressured to propose? Because it certainly does not sound like you need to even think about marrying this man right now.

Have you asked him about why he's been acting like this?

**asiangrace** · 10-10-2011 12:58 PM

He has been talking about proposing long before I've even brought it up. I don't think he's feeling pressured. We've both made an agreement when we first started dating that as soon as either of us lost interest, we would either try to work it out or break up. We wouldn't be in a relationship where the other person has lost interest.

I've asked him over and over why he's acting like this, and his answer has always been "I've been working alot, so I'm tired" He HAS been working a lot but I think he needs to handle the stress better. The thing is, him acting like that has been only recent - the last four weeks out of a three year relationship. What's the time frame to leave him? I don't want to break up with him just because things are getting rough. I think it's important for couples to be able to work things out, but how long??

**kygirl** · 10-10-2011 01:38 PM

Only you can really decide how long is long enough to put up with it. I think you need to call him out. Tell you that you understand that he is tired, but a relationship is a two way street. Let him know that you have been very hurt that he is "too tired" to do things with you but he still seems perfectly fine to do other things *he* wants to do. (let's be honest here...it's not like he's curling up in bed and sleeping here...)

Let him know that you are concerned and that "he's tired" doesn't mean he should be blowing you off and that you're not sure how to act with him behaving the way he is and that if something if wrong, you want the two of you to work thru it or figure it out.

I don't think you should walk away at this point, but you definitely cannot let this keep going on. Hope he gets his stuff together and starts acting like your boyfriend again! *hug*

**Velto_Vixen** · 10-12-2011 06:01 PM

Ok, i think you need to tell him this. Tell him that him blowing you off is getting you really upset and you don't want to be with someone who doesn't even want to spend time with you. IF THEN, he does not change, then he's helping you make up your mind.
Though i will tell you this.
My boyfriend was going through a really tough time and all he did was ignore me and play games or read books. He didn't want to spend time with me, i'd be there, but he would just ignore me. To the point where if i gave him any special "Favours" literally afterward he'd grab his game and play...not talk to me or even look in my direction. That was the snapping point for me. I told him "thanks for using me and ignoring me all the time, you're a jerk!" and he saw the error of his ways. I communicated and he changed. He put all his games in a box and hid them in the coat closet we never use. He said he wouldn't ignore me again, and he hasn't.
So, hopefully you will get an outcome like mine but clearly he isn't seeing how much he is hurting you right now nad doesn't know what is at stake. You have to let him know this.
At first it looked like he was just trying to you off so that YOU would break up with him so that he didn't have to be the bad guy. But your pact through me off. Also, are you sure it's YOUR engagement ring he is picking up not one for his friend? I thought my bf bought a ring too because i ask and he sussly replied "uh....lets not ask these questions". I assumed. He didn't buy no ring.

**Seniora** · 10-15-2011 01:59 AM

I'm going to be blunt: sorry, but I think he's having an affair!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-15-2011 02:50 AM

If he is going to propose, maybe he is checking his "batchelor" thoughts, those of playing games on line, going out with mates, things he will miss or thinks he will miss.

If I was you, I'd sit him down and say... "You know what? I know when you are tired, so what, take time out and I know that being married you "may" think that means chain and ball or so your friends probably told you.... Fact is, I trust you, I expect you to want "me" time but, I won't be treated like I am not here, no communication... Don't you feel you've been very standoffish let alone disrespectful given we had arrangements made....I thought that we could talk"....See what he says.

**Hopeless Dork** · 10-15-2011 11:39 AM

If he's getting ready to pledge and request of you a lifelong commitment it could be nerves. It could be some sort of subconcious testing he's doing of you that maybe he's not even aware of. Sort of like... I'm gonna do everything I want and see if she still loves me... because later in life, in our relationship, I might do exactly that, and will she still love me then?

I know myself, when I've been at an unsure moment of how my boyfriend feels about me -- i've acted out of sorts, it was only later that I realized that my insecurity in 'where we were' in the relationship drove me to sort of pull/push back and forth and the only reasoning I can make of it was to see if he still loved me after all that.

Your guy could be nervous, stressed, unsure (who wouldn't be unsure, no matter how in-love you are, before making this sort of commitment?) Its nothing to take lightly... so maybe its some sort of meriod (man period/pms/moodiness) over all of this emotions. He could very well also be bowing out of these activities so that he could work on his arrangements for his big proposal to you.

**BabyGirl** · 10-15-2011 06:31 PM

You think he may be " popping the question on the 12th , ( of November ??)
Or was it the 12th of October , as Today is the 15th of October, so anything I can add or post might be a Moot Point ..

**Seniora** · 10-16-2011 05:09 AM

I hope I am wrong about what I suggested in my post! But if somebody was preparing to propose after living together for 3 years this approach doesn't make sense to me. "I'm tired"? I remember when I was 22 and deeply in love with a fellow - he was living at home with 'mum' (a huge issue for me as she ordered him about) and he suddenly became ill and couldn't see me, "I've been sick; vomiting; don't know what's the matter with me". I replied, "Oh, I'll come right over and see you", the response, "Oh, no, don't worry". He was going through acute anxiety as he broke up with me less than 2 weeks later. Afterwards I read the "sickness" as fear and anxiety about how he was going to tell me he didn't love me anymore - hideous by anybody's standards. Same thing happened to me when I had to break up a relationship - major stressor, denial, sleeplessness, lack of eating. You just hate hurting people that way, if you are normal. So, this could be what's happening here - mental confusion and anxiety spring to mind. Best of luck with it all.